I’m back here again. Like a coward. Too afraid to reach out to anyone about what bothers me. This isn’t the first time I’ve posted on here, obviously. Idk what I’m doing or why, but I have to express this.
I talked to someone, several people, about my fetishes, mainly about wanting to have a woman be my human toilet. This one woman she understood, she saw the fetish in the same light as me, it was so good to know there was someone that agreed or at least sympathized. But the more we talked the worse I made myself out to be, and she lost interest. I don’t blame her, I’m a broken, hollow man desperately trying to find purpose, meaning, or at least something positive to latch onto, why would anyone ever trust me enough to submit to me in such a way? They’d have to be crazy, or just as broken as me. I found out why this fetish appeals to me, beyond the domination, beyond the intimacy. It’s because I want someone else to feel like just as big a piece of shit as I do. I hate myself. I wish I was dead, but I’m too much of a pussy to do it myself, so I just wander on through life without meaning or direction. The woman I talked to, she tried real hard to reason with me, make me see sense, but I’m so afar gone there’s nothing left for me but despair and suffering, so she just kinda gave up. I don’t blame her for that either.
To whoever reads this, if anyone does at all, thank you, you didn’t have to but you did anyway.
