Boards - random - So I went to Church yesterday for the first time in 13 years, The only problem, I ate some beans on

@random

08 Nov 2010 1:29PM

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So I went to Church yesterday for the first time in 13 years, The only problem, I ate some beans on Saturday night, as the preacher was preaching I thought I could get away with letting a silent but deadly ass fart, well I forgot I was sitting on a wood bench, which will amplify farts, so as I ripped ass I rattled the whole fucking bench which is about 30 feet long, I then heard alot of laughs around me and I looked at this guy next to me and he was bright red, so being the nice guy I am, I moved way over and plugged my nose as if to blame him for the fart, anyways the service went on and I was miserable with holding more farts in, which can cause serious fucking problems, as the congregation was singing, I ripped ass again, shitting my pants with the squirts, I then proceeded to get to the bathroom down the hall, and as I was walking a piece of poop fell out by my shoe, so I walked alot faster then, Anyways I then said fuck it and went home, I think I better not eat beans and fucking corn, cabbage together, I cant post any pics of my pants because I burned them along with the bible.