I am looking for an older tube.A Young mom on webcam wearing a green T-Shirt with a big John Deer logo on it that end up masturbating with whoever she is webcamming.
Seems to be a webcam cap.
Anyone knows where to find this clip?

im looking for an omegle cap of a middle age women wearing a john deer jumper, i think she was a teacher, it used to be on here ages ago but was taken down. if anyone has it i will be eternally grateful

Does anyone have the video of the woman on Omegle wearing the Pink John Deere sweatshirt? Ive been looking all over for it! It was on here before and I cant find it anywhere!

Hey all I confess I am an epic pervert. Being a perv is the only way I have found to beat the boredom of life. I used to do a lot of shit on my home turf. But you can only sniff so many girls bicycle seats and walk into the middle school girls locker room and beat off so many times before the pitchforks and torches come out. I think maybe I am just a little misunderstood. I mean no harm I just found a satisfying hobby that helps me blow off stress.

I have been both highly skilled and lucky in getting away with shit for decades. The final straw though was when after a volleyball game at the local middle school I walked into the locker room with a raincoat and opened up to reveal my cock to about twenty young girls in the shower area. A few of the local dads heard the screaming and chased me through the woods. Lucky me they were fat and old and gave up after about a block. One guy was a little younger than me. Looked like a distance runner. He actually caught up to me and tried to take me down by grabbing my coat. I turned around and punched him in the nose. He dropped right to his knees. I stood back a few feet and wanked to his blood and tears for a couple of minutes until I heard the sirens and then I wished him a good day and left. There was a huge buzz after that. Talk of rewards. Yada, yada, yada. Lucky me again most of the girls were looking at my cock and gave a shitty description. The guy I punched actually described me as being African American and stuck to the story even though it was in contradiction to every other source. God what a fucking freak!

So now that I am older, wiser and more financially secure I plan my holidays around my hobby. I figure airfare is much cheaper than attorneys.

One epic trip was a backpacking excursion in a remote area. I hate how all the moral fags want you to register and pay to visit a national park which my taxes pay for. I always skirt this formality. It also makes me harder to track. So when we were lining up for the buses I didn't bother with getting a ticket. I showed the driver a twenty and said 'here is my ticket buddy.' He stuck the twenty in his pocket and told me to have a great trip.

Now I had planed to just hang out on some popular trails and flash some hikers. No big whoop. Sometimes if I am in the mood I strip naked and chase them a little bit while masturbating and screaming paranoid gibberish like I am the Antichrist and such. Pretty harmless fun all in all.

On the ride into the back country I was surrounded my some kind of do gooder group. A couple of old biddies that had about a dozen young girls in tow to show them the joys of wilderness. They were from New York and by their talk sounds like they had never been out of the city...ever. All they did was talk, talk, talk incessantly about the dangers that lurked in the woods. Lions, tigers and bears.....OH MY! After I had about enough I tried to interject that wilderness is a much safer place than any big city. The logic being that man is the most dangerous animal on the planet. The farther you get away from population centers you get equally safer. The old biddies wanted to get all confrontational and talk about they had taken this class and that class about wildlife encounters and knew how to defend themselves against wildlife. Even after I shut up and let them win the argument they kept up. I tried pulling my hat over my head to act like I was sleeping and one of their little man hater dummies in training snatched it off my head and started to play keep away with their friends. HA HA HA HA HA. What laugh out loud fun this trip was becoming. I decided to let them keep the hat as the lot of them were just to cuntish to deal with. However I heard them talking about their drop off point and my trip plan suddenly changed!

When they were leaving they tossed me my hat back and told me thanks for being such a good sport. No problem I said as I holstered my pack. A couple looked a little nervous as I walked off the bus behind them. Having been such a successful pervert for so long I am good at putting people at ease. I wished them a great trip and marched up the trail head. About five miles in some rain squalls came through. I knew these little unprepared cunts would just be soaked to their titties. It was just a best guess whether these dummies would turn back or continue to the remote campground. I didn't think they would disappoint. So I pulled out my rain gear and carried on. When I got to the campground I found some old trees back aways from camp and started a small fire.

Sure enough about an hour before sunset the little troop of dummies arrived. Soaked and miserable. Of course they all wanted to crowd around and crowd me out of my fire. Looking at those wet shirts convinced me none of them was over thirteen. Well except for the old cunts. Looking at all those little nips poking out of their wet cotton t shirts made me sprout some truly vicious wood. Lucky it was getting dark.

The old cunts by now were obviously getting a little panicky as they should have. Hypothermia is no joke. Lucky they had me there to help. Ha Ha Ha! They hadn't even set up their tents yet and their whole troop to a last one was shivering. I hadn't set up a tent either as I was planning some serious deviant behaviour later and wanted to be able to decamp in a hurry. Ha little did they know. So the cunts ask me where the wood was and I told them I dragged this one tree up from the creek bed about a mile distant. I figure a mile down a mile up probably an hour plus. They ask me if I could get some more and I just give them a blank look. After all I am toasty in my wool long johns and REI rain gear. Shit I could sleep like a baby just laying down. After a bunch of their cuntish back and forth I show them the trail head and I watch them and their headlamps bobbing off into the distance. About ten minutes after they left I 'discovered' this huge pile of dead fall about ten feet back in. TEEHEEEEE.

So I show this 'discovery' to the little cunts and in a couple of minutes we have a grand fire going. Kids like fire. I reach into my pack and pull out the peppermint snaps I had toted in. I tell them that for their survival it was imperative they get their body temperatures up. A couple made a little protest but by the looks of the way they started to slug it down most of them had sampled the devils brew and a few seemed to actually be on their way to accomplished alcoholics. Good God it reminds me of the old days when a chick could get drunk on one or two shots. Epic. So in about ten minutes these little twats are just blasted. The first bottle gets finished and one of the little cunts tosses it in the fire! The horror. What the fuck is with kids today? Have they not heard of recycling? No one teaches them any morals whatsoever. I made the little bitch pull the thing back out. She got all teary as it was now burning hot but oh well at least she learned a thing about responsible camping. Well anyways just to show her I was a good guy I pulled out a second bottle and let her take the first swig.

Next phase. I get into my pack and pull out a rope line. I string it up between trees on both sides of the fire. Next I tie two more lines to form a box around the fire. Finally I start to strip my clothes off to dry.... ALL OF THEM. Watching all those eyes stare at my half erect cock was the greatest moment of my life bar none. Well maybe the time I peed on a Jehovas Witness that came to a vacant house I was masturbating in prior to torching it was good win too but who am I to split hairs? I had spotted one of the little ring leaders 'Amanda' early on. She had big tits for her age and was obviously on her way to true slut hood. I can just tell the type. I told the lot of them this was going to be a very chilly night indeed and if they didn't have dry clothes it would just be miserable. I told them in no uncertain terms that this WAS a survival situation and modesty could get them killed. A couple dug in their packs in nervous quiet and pulled out some clean t shirts and jeans only to find them soaked as well. I kept staring at Amanda who was getting more bleary eyed every time the bottle made another go round. Sure enough my little Judas goat made a dirty little smile and walked over to the clothes line and stripped. Shirt, shoes, pants, bra and finally her panties. Once my new best friend forever was stripped down the ice was broken and the rest of the crew did likewise. Next I made them empty out their packs and hang up their sleeping bags, tents, etc. Man this was starting to get cozy! The fleeting glimpses of seeing young girls in locker rooms can never compare to being alone naked next to a fire in a remote area with all this untapped ass. Not a one of them had a full bush or set of tits. Amanda was close but the baby fat in her titties was obvious. I could tell she would be huge some day.

So here we are nicely boxed in. Warm fire, a small shelter around us to keep in some heat and no old cunts. Tell you the truth I almost started to get worried. It had been over an hour and the biddies had not returned. Luckily I am a borderline sociopath so I can put those concerns out of my head in a hurry. Well at least that is what a shrink told me once. After she told me that I pulled out my cock and jerked off in front of her. She didn't stop me probably cause I was paying her a hundred bucks an hour to listen to my deviant ways. I almost cared about my mental state until that day. The shrink had the nerve to send me a cleaning bill for her carpet. Yeah riiiiiight! I call it heal and run. They always send you the bill after the session so there is never a need to pay any of them. I guess they don't know much about human nature after all.

Anyways getting back to the meat of the story. At this point after staring at all that fresh meat I obviously am getting a raging hard on. A couple of the little fat girls are starting to get all teary which is starting to affect my boner. I figure I need to give them something to do so I put them in charge of setting up some tents. Not only were they fat but they were stupid as well so I had to lose the tiny hot girl with glasses to help them out. That kinda pissed me off as I had already seen her tiny little brown eye when she had bent over and she (next to Amanda and her baby fat titties) was one of the reasons I had such a raging hard on. The sleeping bags hadn't gotten soaked too bad so next the little crew of fatties and the skinny glasses girl started to line those out in the tents as well.

Well the clothes were still wet so I told them all that the wisest course would be for me and Amanda to keep a vigil on the fire and the clothes all night. I said if we got tired we would wake some of them up to take over. About half the girls at this point were getting pretty scared. One of the little fat kids asked about Ms. (hyphenated name) and the other biddie. God I fucking hate women with hyphenated names. WHY THE FUCK DO THEY EVEN GET MARRIED IF THEY DON'T WANT THE HUSBAND'S NAME? I guess it is just cover for their careers as man haters. If it were up to me I would fuck them all in the ass. So I don't know if it was the hyphenated name or what but I told the lot of them that since it was such an easy trip their hike leaders were probably lost or dead. Well maybe it is the alcohol that makes me say shit like this without regard for the consequences. Of course a bunch of them started bawling their eyes out. I yelled at the lot of them to suck it up and ordered them all into their tents. God a bunch of them sobbed for like an hour after that which made me totally lose my wood. Well at least for the time being.

I guess Amanda didn't care about the old cunts either as she had now been smiling and glancing at my cock for a couple of hours. She was so drunk that she was starting to stagger. When she almost slipped into the fire I used this as an excuse to grab her from behind. I grabbed both tits and was obvious in how hard I squeezed them. The little cunt let out an audible gasp. Knowing now that the time for subtlety was over I walked over to my pack and pulled out a tube of Carmex. I walked back to the fire and made no secret of smearing the contents of the tube all over my fingers. I grabbed her by the hair and pulled her down onto all fours. Roughly I lubed up her asshole swirling my index finger around inside. Grabbing her hips with both hands I plunged all the way in without warning. She screamed in pain. God what a fucking baby. I could hear some of the girls start to squirm in their tents. Quickly I snatched some panties off the line ( I think they were one of the fat girls...being the biggest I saw) and rudely stuffed them in her mouth. Resuming my position I gave it to her even rougher than before. Pulling her head to the side so I could read her face in the firelight I could see that her eyes were clearly tearing up. But she was also not resisting. To this day I have never felt anything tighter than her little O-Ring clamping down on my cock. I busted out such a load in her tight little ass I thought it would come out her ears. I pulled out and stood up. She rolled to the side and just stared up at me like a deer in the headlights. I went to take a leak in the woods and came back. She was sitting down facing the fire. I sat next to her and she put her arm around me. She didn't say anything for the rest of the night. About midnight it started to drizzle again so I told her to start piling up all the now mostly dry clothes. After my tent was erected we shoved all the clothes inside. I made a nice pillow out of all the girls panties. Never have smelled anything quite like that.

At daybreak the little twat fest was too hungover to move. Wanting to get the show on the road I pulled out my air horn I carry for scaring big critters and went tent to tent kicking them in turn to wake up their groggy little asses. As it was still drizzling they were forced to come naked one by one into my tent to sort through their clothes and get dressed. Tons of good beaver and up close brown eye shots. When one of the little whiny fat girls came in it was too much having that huge ass shoved in my face. I told her and her fat friend to go stand outside naked until the rest of the girls were done. I could tell these two kids needed toughing up.

So about noon when the old cunts still hadn't shown and we were all packed up I told them it was time to move on. The old cunts were either lost or dead. Well I said it again so maybe it wasn't the alcohol. Not so many cried this time. I made the bawlers walk far in back so I didn't have to hear it. Maybe they would make it back or not.

When we got back to the main road I made a quick excuse for needing to relieve myself in the bushes. I gave Amanda a knowing glance and she followed me into the woods. I shoved her to her knees and shot a load in her mouth in under five minutes. Then for no reason in particular I slapped her hard acros the face. While she was staring up at me in otherworldly disbelief I looked her in the eye and told her she was my bitch forever. I made her write down her email on a slip of paper and told her never to change it as I would be coming to pick her up from her dreary existence in a few years when she was legal. That definitely brought a smile to her face. Did I mention she had braces? It took me a few days to hike out cross country but to this day no one knows who that mystery man was. Funny thing too is that no mention was ever made of how I took huge advantage of the situation. I was even credited with saving the lives of the old cunts who it turns out got lost pretty quick and were eventually rescued after we made it back to the road and called for help. I guess if I had really wanted I could have used my satellite phone to have a rescue chopper up there in ten minutes but what fun would that have been?

A dog Named 'Sex'

When people buy a dog, they usually name him something like Rover or Bowser. Well I chose to name my dog "Sex". But lately Sex has been a little embarrassing to me.

I remember one day I took Sex to City Hall to get a license for him. I went up to the clerk and said "I would like to have a license for Sex". He said he would like to have one too. I said "You don't understand, I've had Sex since I was nine years old". He said I must have been quite a kid.

Last year they were auditioning dogs for a commercial on dog food. I took Sex to the studio to see if he would get the part. But suddenly Sex started to run off around the studio. I went after him, but the crew manager grabbed my arm and asked what I was doing here. I told him I was hoping to have Sex on TV. He called me a showoff.

One day Sex ran out on me in the middle of the night. I went around the neighborhood looking for him. A cop came and asked what I was doing. I told him I was looking for Sex. My case comes up this Friday...

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Baked Beans

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a maddening passion for baked beans. He loved then. but he always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to them. Then, one day, he met a girl and fell in love with her. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, she is a sweet and gentle girl and will never go for this kind of carrying on. So, he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up the beans. The were married thereafter. Some months later, his car broke down on the way home from work and since they lived in the country, he called her and told her that he would be late getting home because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the odour of freshly baked beans was overwhelming. Since he still had several miles to walk, he figured that he would work off any effects before reaching home, so he stopped at the cafe. Before leaving, he had eaten three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, he put-putted and after arriving, felt reasonably sure that he had putted his last. His wife seemed somewhat agitated and excited to see him and exclaimed: Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for dinner

tonight. She then blindfolded him and led him to his chair at the head of the table. He seated himself and just as she was ready to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She made him vow that he would not touch the blindfold until she returned. Then she went to answer the phone. Seizing the opportunity, he shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but as ripe as a rotten egg. He took the napkin from his lap and vigorously fanned the air around him.

Things had just about returned to normal, when he felt the urge come on again, so he shifted his weight to the other leg and let go again. This was a true prize winner. While keeping his ear on the phone, he went on like this for 10 minutes, until he knew the phone farewell indicated the end of his freedom. He placed the napkin in his lap and folded his hands on top of it and smiling contently to himself was the perfect picture on innocence. When his wife returned she asked if he had peeked and he said no. At that point, she removed the blindfold

and revealed his surprise.

Twelve dinner guests seated around the table for a birthday party for him.

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Gold dig

In a mining district, Mrs. Brown presented her husband with a 12 pound baby boy. Mr. Brown was so delighted that he went to the newspaper office and told them that he had found a 12 pound gold nugget, as pure as any in America. Naturally, the newspaper sent a reporter to the house to get the story, as anyone would do, and everyone was prospecting for gold in the little town. This is what happened.

Reporter: "Does Mr. Brown live here?
She: "He does."
He: "Is he in?"
She: "No."
He: "I understand that he found a nugget of gold weighing 12 pounds."
She: (Seeing the joke) "Yes, he found one."
He: "Can you show me the spot where he found it?"
She: "I'm afraid Mr. Brown would object as it is private."
He: "Is the hole very far from here?"
She: "No, it is quite near."
He: "Has Mr. Brown been working the claim long?"
She: "No, only about ten months."
He: "Has he reached the bottom yet?"
She: "No, but he is very near."
He: "Was Mr. Brown the first to work it?"
She: "Well, he thinks he was."
He: "Has he been working the claim regularly since he found it?"
She: "No, but I told him last night it was time to start again."
He: "I suppose he works it secretly?"
She: "Yes, mostly every night."
He: "Do you help him?"
She: "I do my best."
He: "Do you think he will sell the claim?"
She: "I doubt it, he gets so much pleasure out of working it."
He: "Did he blast it out with nitroglycerine?"
She: "No, he used Vaseline and kept digging."
He: "Has he widened the hole any?"
She: "Yes, a little."
He: "How big is the hole?"
She: "Well, about normal size, I suppose."
He: "Is he going to improve the mine any?"
She: "Yes, he said he was going to white wash the shaft tonight."
He: "Does he work alone at night?"
She: "No, I hold it for him and we split 50/50."
He: "Is he an expert at it?"
She: "Well, he does good work."
He: "Would you mind showing me the gold nugget?"
She: "Certainly." (Then she brought out the 12 pound baby boy and they carried the reporter to the hospital.)

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How to Kill a South Dakota Eel

Little Johnny was 11 years old, and like other boys his age, rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about courting from the other boys, and he wondered what it was and how it was done.

One day he took his questions to his mother who became flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtain one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did the following morning. Here is what Johnny described to his mother:

"Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he turned off most of the lights. Then he started kissing and hugging her. I figured sis must be getting sick, because her face started to look funny. He must have thought so too, because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just like a doctor would except he is not as smart as the doctor because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart. Sis must have put some bigger fruit under her blouse this time because her boyfriend kept on saying how they were the largest melons he had ever felt. He must of gotten real hungry from all that kissing and stuff because she let him take off her blouse and suck on both of them for a long time."

"Then he started getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them were panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been getting cold, because he put it under her skirt. About this time, sis got worse and began to moan and sigh and squirm around and slide down toward the end of the couch. Then this was when the fever really started. I knew it was a fever because sis told him she felt really hot. Finally I found out what was making them so sick. A big eel had gotten in his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there about 12 inches long! Honest! Anyway, he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away. When sis saw it, she really got scared. Her eyes got big and her mouth fell open and she started calling out to God and stuff like that. She said it was the biggest one she had ever seen. I should have told her about the one at the lake. Anyway, sis got brave and tried to kill it by biting its head off. All of a sudden she made a noise and let the eel go. I guess it bit her. Then she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he got a muzzle out of his pocket. He slipped it over the eel's head to keep it from biting her again. Sis laid back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor lock on it, and he helped by laying on top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight! Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squashing it between them. They must have been getting shocked by the eel because they were shaking a lot. After awhile, they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her boyfriend got up, and sure enough, they had killed the eel. I knew it was dead because it just hung there limp, and some of the insides were hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend were tired from the fight, but they went back to courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again, and by golly, the eel was not dead! It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are like cats; they have nine lives or something. This time, sis jumped on it and tried to kill the eel by sitting on it. After a long fight, they finally killed the eel. I knew it was dead because I saw sis's boyfriend peel its skin off and flush it down the toilet."

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Barbara Walters at the Indian Reservation

Barbara Walters is doing an editorial on Indian life on the

reservation. She looks around and sees that some of the men have one

feather, some have two and the chief has feathers all the way down to

the ground.

So she asks a young brave, "What do the feathers mean, some of you have

one, some have two and the chief must have hundreds!" The young brave

replies, "Each feather is for each squaw we have sex with!"

To which Barbara Walters replies, "Come on, I don't believe that!" She then goes to the chief and repeats the question, "What do the feathers mean, some of you have one, some have two and the you must have hundreds!"

The chief replies, "It's true, each feather is for each squaw we have sex with!" Astonished, Barbara exclaims again, "But you have hundreds!" The chief replies, "Me chief, me fuck em all, big, fat, skinny, tall, me chief me fuck em all!"

Barbara exclaims, "You should be hung!" The chief replies, "Me hung, big like buffalo, long like snake!" "Oh dear!", exclaims Barbara. To which the chief replies, "No fuck deer, asshole too high, run to fast!"

Hope you enjoy this one, it's much better told verbally.

================

Law as it should be

One evening after attending the theatre, two gentlemen were walking down the avenue when they

observed a rather well dressed and attractive lady walking just ahead of them. One of the men

turned to the other and remarked, "I'd give $50.00 to spend the night with this woman." To their

surprise the young lady overheard the remark and turning around she said, "I'll take you up on

that." She had a pleasant voice and a neat appearance, so, after bidding his companion good

night, the man accompanied the lady to her apartment, where they immediately went to her

apartment where they immediately went to bed.

The following morning the man presented her with $25.00. As he prepared to leave she demanded the

rest of the money stating "If you don't give me the money I'll sue you for it." He laughed saying

"I'd like to see you get it on these grounds."

The next day he was surprised when he received a summons ordering his presence in court as

defendant in a law suit. He hurried to his lawyer and explained the details of the case. His

lawyer said: "She can't possibly get a judgement against you on such grounds, but it will be

interesting to see how her case will be presented."

In court after the usual preliminaries, the lady's lawyer addressed the court as follows: "Your

Honour, my client, this lady here, is the owner of a piece of property, a garden spot surrounded

by a profuse growth of shrubbery, property she agreed to rent to the defendant for a specific

length of time for the sum of $50.00. The defendant took possession of the property, used it

extensively for the purpose for which it was rented, but upon evacuating the premises he paid

only $25.00 which is only half the amount agreed upon. The rent was not excessive, since it is

restricted property, and we ask judgement to be granted against the defendant to assure payment

of the balance."

The defendant's lawyer was impressed and amused at the way the opponent had presented the case.

His defense, therefore, was somewhat altered from the way he originally planned to present it.

"Your Honour, my client agrees that the young lady has a fine piece of property, that he did rent

such property for a time and a degree of pleasure was derived from the transaction. However, my

client found a well on the property, around which he placed his stones, sunk a shaft and erected

a pump, all labour being performed personally by him. We claim these improvements to the property

adequately compensated for rental of said property. We therefore, ask judgement be not granted."

The young lady's lawyer come back was this: "Your Honour: My client agrees that the defendant did

find a well on her property and that he did make improvements such as my opponent has described.

However, had the defendant not known the well existed, he would never have rented the property,

also, upon evacuating the premises, the defendant removed the stones, pulled out the shaft and

took the pump with him. In doing so, he not only dragged the equipment through the shrubbery, but

left the hole much larger than it was prior to his occupancy, making it easily accessible to

little children. We therefore, ask that judgement be granted."

The judge's decision was that the defendant should either pay the plaintiff the $25.00 balance,

or, failing that, that the defendant should detach the aforementioned equipment and present it to

plaintiff for damages.

The man hurriedly wrote out a check for $25.00 to the young lady.

Case dismissed.

=============

The Old Boat

Joe and John were identical twins. Joe owned an old dilapidated
boat and kept pretty much to himself. One day he rented out his
boat to a group of out-of-staters who ended up sinking it. He
spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could from
the sunken vessel and was out of touch all that day and most of
the evening. Unbeknownst to him, his brother John's wife had died
suddenly in his absence.

When he got back on shore he went into town to pick up a few
things at the grocery. A kind old woman there mistook him for
John and said, "I'm so sorry for your loss. You must feel
terrible."

Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat said, "Hell no!
Fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old
thing from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she
smelled like old dead fish. She was always holding water. She had
a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too.
Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like
crazy."

"I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to
those four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she
wasn't very good and that she smelled bad. But they wanted her
anyway. The damn fools tried to get in her all at one time and
she split right up the middle."

The old woman fainted.