This is fun, fiction, truth, fantasy or real? Makes no difference to me or you.
I am playing a dangerous game, me and my lover (not my girlfriend but another mans girlfriend)are exploring deep into our dark side. Touching feelings that best be left unspoken. Since we been talking we been walking sex machines. Both our partners enjoy the fruit of our labor. I believe if people could talk openly about what they feel think and not say, you will see that me and you are not so different. I believe in boundaries and respect, never to hurt anyone. But I am human and for that you can not fault me.

~the end~

I really wanted to fuck my grandma once.

I always was a little bit curious how is it with older, experienced woman. Last year my grandma turned 65. Shes hubby brunette with big boobs and round ass, without any man in her life for last 6 years. She looks like she could be my mom. I never seen her as a women I want to get, but I can't deny - we had some kind of magicial connection. I love her in the way human loves the closest person in family. And I know she love me too and she's pround of me. She's also very open to me. When I was young my parents wasn't ready to talk with me about sex, girls and guide me somehow. But my grandma was. And she always speaked the truth: about girls, about sex, even about her experiences.

It was winter and I came to visit her. I wanted to help preparing for Christmas, talk about changes in my life, new job and so on. We lost count of time and drank a lot of fruit liqueur. We had a long talk about my relationships, my conclusions about life, girs, sex and creating my own future. She shared her own stories and clonclusions too. She told me some things, she never told me before - like for example, that she had threesome once, she liked to kiss girls, when she was younger and she had fuck-friends relation with some guy and she enjoyed it like never before. And she told me, that she mostly liked, how he fucked her in public places. "With passion", she said.
It was late and my bus ran away. I just wanted to call taxi, when my grandma sugested me to stay for night. She have one bed, but we slept together thousands of times so I accepted her offer.

I went to take a bath. For whole visit in shower I could not stop thinking about what she said. I imagined, how that guy fucked her like a piece of slut. I had instant remorse, because it turned me on like crazy. My dick erected so hard, I wanted to touch myself. I wanted to touch her too. I felt bad.

I had no clothes for sleep, so I stayed in boxers and t-shirt. I wanted to hide my erection, holding clothes in my hands, but I think it cound not work. My grandma went to take bath, leaving me on the bed with all these thoughts. When she left, she was topless. She forgot her sleeping shirt. It shouldn't be big deal. I saw her naked before. But today it was a deal. I wanted to come closer and play with these big boobs. She have big, ligh pink nipples. I love these. I wanted to suck 'em immediately. Have them in my mouth. Play with my tongue and watch, how they get bigger.

We turned off the light and went to bed. We again started talking. Topics got hotter. I asked her, if she likes to give head. "Only if it tastes good and is big enough", she answered with smile. She asked me, how I like to do it with girls. I answered that I like them from behind. I wanted to sound manly, but I'm sure I didn't. My voice broken down a couple of times.

I saw her nipples by the shirt. They got bigger. They was ready to taste them. She liked the way we talk and I knew it.

It was cold a little bit. We hugged. I know, she felt my erection. She wasn't even suprised, when her leg found my hard cock. I wanted to pull it out, put it on her hand and watch, what gonna happen. My grandma wanted to act like nothing happened, but her breath told me everything. She wanted to pull me closer.

I put my hand on her back. I wanted to get lower - to her juicy ass. But I was scared, about what happens. I felt, that we moving flowly. I felt so bad and I wanted it so badly...

Our bodies were moving. It is hard to describe, but it is like dancing. Hands were moving, but very, very slow. We obviously wanted to act naturally... like nothing happens. Our lips was very, very close, but then... We did nothing. We got frozen. I desperately wanted her to move. To stop it. To kiss me and start touching each other. In my mind i found milion places on her body I wanted to put my hand on. I stopped breathing, waiting for that moment, but it never happened.

Then she put her hand on my hip just for moment - dangerously close to my cock - and turned to the other side. I got closer and felt her ass toughing my dick. I was holding my hand "naturally" hugging her on breast level. I felt her nipples. I was breathing in her ear.

We started moving a little bit and i felt, how mu dick rubb her pussy. I don't remember so much. Momentally i felt bad, bad one thing i remember clearly - she was totally wet.

We didn't anything this night and any other. We don't see each other as often as we used to.
We both know.
It is hard for me and I don't know, how to handle it. Sometimes I still think about that night - like today - and I would like to live it once again. But other days - I can't think about her at all.
We didn't talked about it. We act like it's cool, but it isn't.
I confused about my feelings about it all.

I am addicted to sex and humiliation. I have started putting together a list of things here at the house to use as sex toys when my family travel and will be gone for a week (I plan on camming for anyone to watch on cam sites)...enema bag, fruit and vegetables, broom handle (to suck on and insert in my butt), shovel handle (same as broom handle, only bigger), turkey baster (for pee enemas and anal play), food injector (for shooting pee up nose and for pushing liquid into pee hole), a mudder (tool for mashing up stuff for drinks) for use as anal dildo, clothes pins (for dick, balls, nipples and tongue), tampons for anal play, Also working up a design for a pig nose hook using picture hanging hooks and elastic string...please give me your demands and suggestions.

I confess I cheated on my girlfriend with a really fat chinese girl, and I utterly loved it.

I really want to tell someone, but she is so utterly fat I really couldn't face my friends if they found out. Also the shame if my GF found out. The fact that I cheated on her with such a fat fuck. Here in HK, being fat is a totally shameful, They dont differentiate between fat and ugly here. If you are fat you are ugly.

My adventure begins here (http://mlps.pika777.eu.org/VE752740) about how we met and how she wanted to do it, and why I didn't. We were in contact for a couple of years or so, but then we both got busy with our lives in HK and I didnt contact her for almost a year.

We exchanged intimate pics previously and she asked me to delete them, naturally I complied, but not without sending to a hidden hotmail account for later perusal. Nothing too hardcore, no pussy, but just face and cleavage shots and one of her tits.
During the year of non contact I regularly cracked it out to these photos. My GF and I have our own iPads so before bed I would look at this other girl while I'm lying in bed naked next to my actual GF. One time my GF actually caught me looking at the tits pic and asked me if I liked fat girl porn. I was freaking out, but it turned out my GF thought I was just looking at porn, which is still bad but not nearly as bad as if she found out I was cheating on her. It wasn't all bad though, I still ended up having sex with my GF that night. I couldn't believe it. I spent the whole time wishing I was pushing up into this girl in the iPad instead of my actual GF. I believe its quite common to be thinking of other people when having sex with your regular partner, but to have your real sex partner see the girl that you're fantasising over, that really drove me bonkers.

So anyway, a couple of weeks ago the fat girl mails me out of the blue to catch up. By this time I moved into my own apartment (my girlfriend regularly stays, but still stays at her parents house officially, they are a quite conventional family; even having a foreigner bf is quite a big thing for her parents) I joke to her maybe she could come to my new place and check it out. To my surprise, she replies, yes, lets go for food near your place. I sprang a boner right there so hard it actually ached. I even started getting a small old-cum wet patch leak through to be visible on my pants. I had to crack one out just to get rid of these blueballs feelings and get on with my day.

We finally caught up on Sunday when she was free. After we apologised to each other for not having stayed in contact for a long time, she then got into telling me about herself. It turns out she met another American guy for the last year or so and had been 'together' for all this time. Only trouble is, he speaks no Chinese and lives in California. At that point I'm thinking, how is this really a relationship? But she said they talk every day on Skype, and that he'd been over to HK to see her, and earlier this year she went to California to see him. And they had plans of him moving over to HK for a year or her going over to his for a year. She showed me photos of them together in Disneyland, and they looked miserable. I joked to her that they looked so unhappy together in Disneyland of all places, and she confessed that the last time they met in real life, they just quarrelled all the time. I asked her how much Chinese the guy spoke. She said they only communicate in English. This struck me as being a bit odd because when I first met her, she spoke almost no English. But then again, it probably provides a good reason to learn. My reason to learn Chinese was so I could eat food in HK, without looking like a retard mute and using only hand signs to communicate.

But it wasn't a communication problem. It turned out this guy was crying all the time to her and getting angry at her when she didn't immediately return his mails. I asked her if she thought he had depression and she said, maybe, but I don't know what to do, he already met my parents and I've met his mother. He already asked her to marry him. By this point I realised what a pitiful situation she was in. Her fatness in HK made her an absolute monster in this country. Undateable. And the only men she could attract were either ones who were fine with cheating on their girlfriends, or freaks with mental problems. I did feel sorry for her situation.

Anyway, we finished the meal and I asked if she still wanted to come see my new place. She agreed and the boner popped back in my pants as if nothing was amiss. Only trouble is I had to stand up now and walk out the restaurant. Well no-one said anything, so I'm guessing I either have a small erection or no one noticed or cared.

We got back to mine and I showed her the studio apartment. Tiny, tiny place, 1 room, the bed doubling as the sofa. so we both sat on the bed. I asked her if her own place was any better than this. She said of course, she had 2 bedrooms and separate living room kitchen, but of course it was her parents place. Also, if all I'm doing is sleeping here, then it was more than enough.

Here she was, the girl I was dreaming of for the last year, sitting on my bed. The first time we were in a private space together. I didn't know what to do! I could feel my heart beating. My cock rock solid.
At this point I asked if she wanted a message. I moved to sit behind her on the bed, so that she was sitting between my spread legs, and moved my hands up to the back of her neck. After a few seconds she leaned forward immediately and said "Thank you" - meaning, Thank you, you can stop now. I tried again and she leaned forward again. So I kinda got the message and moved to the side of her. At this point, I didn't know what to do. I sat much closer to her this time and so our legs and arms were touching. She didn't seem to mind, or at least move away. I looked at her face, and when her face turned to look at mine, I moved in to kiss her. we kissed passionately very briefly and then she said she couldn't do it because we both had partners. I then moved back and said OK, if she says no, then I wont push it.
She looked away from me, but then I noticed she was looking down at my crotch. I looked down to see the bulge of my erection with several small wet patches where the tip of my cock was.
She asked me if I came already. What an embarrassing moment. I laughed nervously and said no, its the old-cum. I didn't know what to do next. Should I stand up and clean it up? Talk about something else? I'd just been rejected (and to be fair, she had her shit going on, its not like she led me on)
She moved her hand on top of my penis and started circling around the wet patch and then moved her finger down the shaft towards my balls. I couldn't believe she was going for this! I moved in again and kissed her on the lips. This time round she kissed me back and didn't stop. I wanted to fuck this girl so bad and it looked like it was going to happen. I tried to put my hand up her shirt by her back, but she resisted this a couple of times, saying she was shy. After the 2nd time, I took off my shirt and got back to kissing her. Although she had other ideas. Her hand moved from my penis to my belt buckle, where she slackened it off and began slipping her had down my underwear. At that point I stopped her, because I knew that if theres enough old-cum to seep through 2 layers of clothes, the source is going to be a real mess. I stood up and pulled my pants and underwear down to reveal my manhood to her, taking care to use my fingers to wipe off the old-cum as I pulled my underwear down. As soon as I sat down again, she moved in straight away and started kissing the tip of my penis with her mouth. This then turned into her opening up and taking in more of me in her mouth. I couldn't believe I was watching her suck my penis. After a little while I could feel the urge of an orgasm building and I realised that unless I did something, I was about to blow. I pulled her head away from my cock and kissed her roughly, pulling up her shirt at the same time. This time there was no resistance, and before I knew it we were both naked and making out on the bed. This is when I copped a feel of her breasts.

They were amazing. The biggest I'd ever felt. They had shape to them but when I cupped and squeezed one, they were so soft to the touch. She lied on top of me and I directed her nipple to my mouth. I licked and sucked her left nipple, whilst gently squeezing both left and right breasts with my hands. I could feel her nipple getting larger and tougher in my mouth, much larger and harder than her right nipple that I occasionally circled with my fingers at the same time. These were the tits I had fantasised over for almost a year and they were finally in my face and in my mouth. I was in fucking heaven.

After a while we stopped that and she lied down beside me. I moved on top of her and started on her breasts again briefly before moving down her stomach and down to her pussy. At this point I realised quite how fat she was. She had really large love handles and a really soft shapeless stomach. my hands held her soft stomach and she grabbed my hands and moved them away. Clearly she was not confident about her body, specifically her stomach. I reassured her that she was no worse than women in US, and she had the biggest tits I had ever seen in real life.

I then moved down to her crotch and separated her legs. And there it was. Her pussy. She had taken the time to shave down there, except a small tuft at the top. It made me realise she was expecting today to happen like this after all. I parted her chubby outer pussy lips to reveal her inner clips and clitoris. I noticed a small white line emanating from her pussy hole. Clearly she was enjoying herself.

I moved my head in and started started to lick the top of her vagina ever so lightly. I remembered an earlier comment in my last post (http://mlps.pika777.eu.org/VE752740) about how NOT to go down on the girl unless she was literally in the shower. But I was so horny and so was she, I thought I could just take one for the team. Though strangely she wasn't so bad tasting. In fact, she tasted much less strong than my significantly slimmer girlfriend.

At this point she let out a moan and held my head in place with her hand. After a few moments of licking I took my index finger and ran it down from her clit until I found the opening to her vagina.
I pushed my finger inside and I found very little resistance. It was so wet and welcoming it just slipped in. Usually with my girlfriend I have to lick my finger first, and thats only after she asked me to finger her first. I twisted my hand round so that my index finger could press on her G-spot. As soon as I did this she arched her back and moaned. I continued to lick her clitoris whilst still curling my finger upwards and rubbing against her G-spot. I knew that she was quite close to orgasm, but I couldn't quite seem to get her there. She was moaning and at one point I could feel the ring of her pussy hole contract around my finger ever so slightly, but she didn't have the body jerking orgasm I was hoping to see, the one my girlfriend can pull off with a vibrator and my finger.

I tried as best as I could, but my tongue and finger got tired and I had to stop. As I came back up to her I asked her if she had an orgasm. She told me she had many! I couldn't believe it! She lay there panting, a giant mass of flesh, legs apart, a soaking wet pussy. I had to fuck her.

I grabbed a condom and put it on. This was the point were I stopped to consider whether I should really be doing this. If my girlfriend ever did find out, at least I could say we fooled about but at least we didn't have sex. But this girl was right in front of me, the forbidden fruit. she wanted me. I wanted her. I couldn't help myself.

I lined up my penis with her entrance, then gently pushed inside. To my surprise, the ring of her pussy was slightly tighter than my girlfriend's, but as I made my way deeper inside, it was much much softer, and by the time I got balls-deep, I could feel my legs, balls and abdomen touching against her body. It was so warm and soft. Everything just flowed in and out so smoothly. It was the best sex I ever had in my life.

I raised the tempo a little and pumped harder and harder. She could certainly take this increasing roughness. One thing I particularly enjoyed was that because she had a much larger body, I didn't need to hold her down to stop her moving back every time I thrust into her. With my girlfriend I have to either fuck quite lightly, lie right on top of her, or put my hands in a position above her shoulders so she doesn't move back when I thrust into her. I also needed to apply lubricant to the condom. The sex is still great, but that awkward step of taking time out to put on the condom is that little bit more lengthy with having to add lube as well.

A little while later and I could feel myself building up. It was probably a bit sooner than it really ought to have been, but I thought fuck it, she already had her orgasm, I want mine! I started to breath more deeply and thrusting faster and harder. I couldn't stop myself. As I reached the point of no return, she looked directly at me and said something in Chinese. I couldn't quite work out what it was, but I wasn't really in the mood to ask and get the dictionary out. I thrust hard and fast and I came in her, this giant mound of a woman. Afterwards I lay on top of her, I couldn't move. It was like a giant warm and wet cushion. We were both sweating. She felt so comfortable to be on (and in) I loved this feeling so much.

Eventually I pulled out to find I had produced more cum than I had ever done in my life. Those condoms sure are heavy duty. Still, breathless, I looked at her. Finally, after a year of wanting, I finally fucked this fat girl.

Later when we were getting dressed, she asked me if I felt regret. Regret for the best sex of my life? No. No regret. I will say that I really love my girlfriend very much and I still have plans to live with and marry her. However I do know that she be utterly heartbroken and would leave me if she ever found out. Its not great to have the thought you have to carry round the secret of cheating on someone you love. But I will say this, it was utterly mind blowing sex. A life well lived is the result of various experiences, even if it comes at the cost of social conventions. Thank you motherless for giving me this opportunity to share my experiences.

Man Rules
Women have rules, here are the Man Rules
Please note.. these are all numbered '1 ' on purpose!
Because each rule is just as important as the other.

1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
-You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
-We need it up, you need it down.
-You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
-Let us be clear on this one:
-Subtle hints do not work!
-Strong hints do not work!
-Obvious hints do not work!
-Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem
-only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
-Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
-In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
-Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something
-Or tell us how you want it done.
-Not both.
-If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
-Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong.
-We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as cars, motorcycles, or SEX.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.

-Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight

Hi everybody. I go to a lot of Renaissance Faires and similar events, and kissing games (and more) are very popular with all ages, especially after dark, after the public is gone, and topless or naked bellydancing, making out with strangers and having sex in the tents or right out on the grass can be popular pasttimes at some of them. A sample kissing game is "cloven fruit" where one person hands another a piece of fruit with cloves stuck in it. If the recipient takes a clove out with their fingers, the giver kisses them on the hand. If they take it out with their teeth, the giver kisses them on the mouth, & it goes as far as they both want, but the recipient has to pass the fruit on to someone else.

(By the way, I'm a slim goateed blond man in his thirties)

At one campfire, I was kissing a beautiful, busty black-haired girl in a princess dress and corset, while a bunch of other people were playing kissing games as well. After kissing her mouth & neck for a while, I yanked her top down & started sucking on her breasts. After a while, 2 other guys started making out with her as well, me sucking one breast, another guy sucking on the other breast and the 3rd guy kissing her.

At another event during the day, 2 cute girls I was friends with grabbed me & started taking turns kissing me with no warning.

At yet another event at night, one hot girl with short dark hair walked up to me & said "My name's Trouble" and stuck her tongue down my throat and felt me up. A while later another guy and I were making out with her and feeling her up. She then did a strip tease in front of a large group at a bonfire until a party-pooper stopped her. These were all at parties with a large number of people around.

In front of one tent (after hours) a group of us were drinking and making out; one couple was obviously surreptitiously having sex in a sleeping bag. After everyone else wandered away or inside, the girl I was kissing (we were both sitting on the grass) shoved me over, yanked my pants down and sucked my cock. We had sex on the lawn in the middle of the park.

In keeping more with the tone for this particular message board, I've seen some kids playing, too. One group of 10-13 year olds was playing "Spin the Bottle" on the grass away from the adults, but weren't doing anything too serious. Later on, though, one lovely olive-skinned girl, about 12 and developing, with shoulder-length black hair and big lips, was sitting with a 13-year old boy at the campfire with all the adults, and I realized she was giving him a hand job through his sweat pants right there in front of everybody- until a mother noticed & made them stop & sit apart. Kids games of "Truth or Dare" apparently get interesting, too; I know that one buff 11-year old gymnast girl, a real kewtie with straight blond hair, ran naked back & forth thru the campsite on a dare at night. Some growing girls in their early & mid teens have costumes that don't fit quite right, and sometimes a nipple or entire bare breast pops out.

At one public ren-fair, two male models (buff guys with short dark hair) were showing off a couple of modern kilts that snap together, when one ripped the kilt off of the other, leaving him naked in the middle of the crowded lunch area, right in front of a bunch of girls in their early teens in princess costumes. They seemed to enjoy the show.

"Kilt checks" are popular. See, men wearing kilts aren't supposed to be wearing any underwear, so some women & girls ask if they can perform a kilt check to make sure. The most modest way is to feel up the outside of the kilt for panty lines. The next level is to feel up the inside of the back of the kilt and grab the guy's bare bottom. Some girls actually feel up the inside of the front of the kilt, and feel or even stroke what they find there. I read on another forum some people complaining about an event they had witnessed, where one woman got down on her knees and stroked under the front of the kilts of five guys in a row, for several minutes at a time, right at the busy crowded front gate of the faire. I knew a girl who taught her 11-year old sister (a freckled blond kewtie in a princess dress and a plastic tribal collar-necklace) how to do kilt checks, but I only heard about it afterward and didn't get to see her feeling up & stroking strange men in the middle of a crowded public park, or to be one of them.

"Capturing" people & making them "slaves" is popular among the goth kids, but they almost never do anything interesting with the idea. One time though, this trio of hot goth girls aged 15-17 was a lot more interesting, when they were getting tied up & spanked. The tall one with a black pageboy haircut got her black minidress pulled up for her spanking & wasn't wearing any underwear, and had the loveliest shaved slit. The henna-haired punk girl in jeans & t-shirt insisted on pulling her jeans down to show us her shaved kitty as well. The top-knotted petite one in the pink minidress & black leather bra came back for me the next day and we spent a wonderful afternoon making out naked in a closed historical display tent.

One late night two 15-ish punk rock girls were thrown out of one encampment for stripping naked & making out with each other, and my friends & I wished we had a large party tent for them to resume, but we didn't. One was a super-cute pink-haired pixie holding her clothes in front of her instead of putting them back on.

Afterparties at the non-public events used to have naked bellydancers and public blow jobs more frequently than they do now (at least at the parties I've been getting to). But recently, one blond hottie with glasses was dropping her ill-fitting dress to the ground both day & night (no bra or panties) and giving head to whomever asked. She's also quite fond of having sex on the battlefield after hours, with whomever.

Very recently, wandering camp to camp with a girl after hours at my local ren fair, when we passed a couple standing up making out in the middle of the path, with the woman stroking under the man's kilt, my companion and I started making out, and she dropped and gave me a blowjob while the other couple a few yards behind us dropped the ground and had sex.

A dog Named 'Sex'

When people buy a dog, they usually name him something like Rover or Bowser. Well I chose to name my dog "Sex". But lately Sex has been a little embarrassing to me.

I remember one day I took Sex to City Hall to get a license for him. I went up to the clerk and said "I would like to have a license for Sex". He said he would like to have one too. I said "You don't understand, I've had Sex since I was nine years old". He said I must have been quite a kid.

Last year they were auditioning dogs for a commercial on dog food. I took Sex to the studio to see if he would get the part. But suddenly Sex started to run off around the studio. I went after him, but the crew manager grabbed my arm and asked what I was doing here. I told him I was hoping to have Sex on TV. He called me a showoff.

One day Sex ran out on me in the middle of the night. I went around the neighborhood looking for him. A cop came and asked what I was doing. I told him I was looking for Sex. My case comes up this Friday...

================

Baked Beans

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a maddening passion for baked beans. He loved then. but he always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to them. Then, one day, he met a girl and fell in love with her. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, she is a sweet and gentle girl and will never go for this kind of carrying on. So, he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up the beans. The were married thereafter. Some months later, his car broke down on the way home from work and since they lived in the country, he called her and told her that he would be late getting home because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the odour of freshly baked beans was overwhelming. Since he still had several miles to walk, he figured that he would work off any effects before reaching home, so he stopped at the cafe. Before leaving, he had eaten three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, he put-putted and after arriving, felt reasonably sure that he had putted his last. His wife seemed somewhat agitated and excited to see him and exclaimed: Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for dinner

tonight. She then blindfolded him and led him to his chair at the head of the table. He seated himself and just as she was ready to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She made him vow that he would not touch the blindfold until she returned. Then she went to answer the phone. Seizing the opportunity, he shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but as ripe as a rotten egg. He took the napkin from his lap and vigorously fanned the air around him.

Things had just about returned to normal, when he felt the urge come on again, so he shifted his weight to the other leg and let go again. This was a true prize winner. While keeping his ear on the phone, he went on like this for 10 minutes, until he knew the phone farewell indicated the end of his freedom. He placed the napkin in his lap and folded his hands on top of it and smiling contently to himself was the perfect picture on innocence. When his wife returned she asked if he had peeked and he said no. At that point, she removed the blindfold

and revealed his surprise.

Twelve dinner guests seated around the table for a birthday party for him.

====================================

Gold dig

In a mining district, Mrs. Brown presented her husband with a 12 pound baby boy. Mr. Brown was so delighted that he went to the newspaper office and told them that he had found a 12 pound gold nugget, as pure as any in America. Naturally, the newspaper sent a reporter to the house to get the story, as anyone would do, and everyone was prospecting for gold in the little town. This is what happened.

Reporter: "Does Mr. Brown live here?
She: "He does."
He: "Is he in?"
She: "No."
He: "I understand that he found a nugget of gold weighing 12 pounds."
She: (Seeing the joke) "Yes, he found one."
He: "Can you show me the spot where he found it?"
She: "I'm afraid Mr. Brown would object as it is private."
He: "Is the hole very far from here?"
She: "No, it is quite near."
He: "Has Mr. Brown been working the claim long?"
She: "No, only about ten months."
He: "Has he reached the bottom yet?"
She: "No, but he is very near."
He: "Was Mr. Brown the first to work it?"
She: "Well, he thinks he was."
He: "Has he been working the claim regularly since he found it?"
She: "No, but I told him last night it was time to start again."
He: "I suppose he works it secretly?"
She: "Yes, mostly every night."
He: "Do you help him?"
She: "I do my best."
He: "Do you think he will sell the claim?"
She: "I doubt it, he gets so much pleasure out of working it."
He: "Did he blast it out with nitroglycerine?"
She: "No, he used Vaseline and kept digging."
He: "Has he widened the hole any?"
She: "Yes, a little."
He: "How big is the hole?"
She: "Well, about normal size, I suppose."
He: "Is he going to improve the mine any?"
She: "Yes, he said he was going to white wash the shaft tonight."
He: "Does he work alone at night?"
She: "No, I hold it for him and we split 50/50."
He: "Is he an expert at it?"
She: "Well, he does good work."
He: "Would you mind showing me the gold nugget?"
She: "Certainly." (Then she brought out the 12 pound baby boy and they carried the reporter to the hospital.)

====================================

How to Kill a South Dakota Eel

Little Johnny was 11 years old, and like other boys his age, rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about courting from the other boys, and he wondered what it was and how it was done.

One day he took his questions to his mother who became flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtain one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did the following morning. Here is what Johnny described to his mother:

"Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he turned off most of the lights. Then he started kissing and hugging her. I figured sis must be getting sick, because her face started to look funny. He must have thought so too, because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just like a doctor would except he is not as smart as the doctor because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart. Sis must have put some bigger fruit under her blouse this time because her boyfriend kept on saying how they were the largest melons he had ever felt. He must of gotten real hungry from all that kissing and stuff because she let him take off her blouse and suck on both of them for a long time."

"Then he started getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them were panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been getting cold, because he put it under her skirt. About this time, sis got worse and began to moan and sigh and squirm around and slide down toward the end of the couch. Then this was when the fever really started. I knew it was a fever because sis told him she felt really hot. Finally I found out what was making them so sick. A big eel had gotten in his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there about 12 inches long! Honest! Anyway, he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away. When sis saw it, she really got scared. Her eyes got big and her mouth fell open and she started calling out to God and stuff like that. She said it was the biggest one she had ever seen. I should have told her about the one at the lake. Anyway, sis got brave and tried to kill it by biting its head off. All of a sudden she made a noise and let the eel go. I guess it bit her. Then she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he got a muzzle out of his pocket. He slipped it over the eel's head to keep it from biting her again. Sis laid back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor lock on it, and he helped by laying on top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight! Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squashing it between them. They must have been getting shocked by the eel because they were shaking a lot. After awhile, they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her boyfriend got up, and sure enough, they had killed the eel. I knew it was dead because it just hung there limp, and some of the insides were hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend were tired from the fight, but they went back to courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again, and by golly, the eel was not dead! It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are like cats; they have nine lives or something. This time, sis jumped on it and tried to kill the eel by sitting on it. After a long fight, they finally killed the eel. I knew it was dead because I saw sis's boyfriend peel its skin off and flush it down the toilet."

====================================

Barbara Walters at the Indian Reservation

Barbara Walters is doing an editorial on Indian life on the

reservation. She looks around and sees that some of the men have one

feather, some have two and the chief has feathers all the way down to

the ground.

So she asks a young brave, "What do the feathers mean, some of you have

one, some have two and the chief must have hundreds!" The young brave

replies, "Each feather is for each squaw we have sex with!"

To which Barbara Walters replies, "Come on, I don't believe that!" She then goes to the chief and repeats the question, "What do the feathers mean, some of you have one, some have two and the you must have hundreds!"

The chief replies, "It's true, each feather is for each squaw we have sex with!" Astonished, Barbara exclaims again, "But you have hundreds!" The chief replies, "Me chief, me fuck em all, big, fat, skinny, tall, me chief me fuck em all!"

Barbara exclaims, "You should be hung!" The chief replies, "Me hung, big like buffalo, long like snake!" "Oh dear!", exclaims Barbara. To which the chief replies, "No fuck deer, asshole too high, run to fast!"

Hope you enjoy this one, it's much better told verbally.

================

Law as it should be

One evening after attending the theatre, two gentlemen were walking down the avenue when they

observed a rather well dressed and attractive lady walking just ahead of them. One of the men

turned to the other and remarked, "I'd give $50.00 to spend the night with this woman." To their

surprise the young lady overheard the remark and turning around she said, "I'll take you up on

that." She had a pleasant voice and a neat appearance, so, after bidding his companion good

night, the man accompanied the lady to her apartment, where they immediately went to her

apartment where they immediately went to bed.

The following morning the man presented her with $25.00. As he prepared to leave she demanded the

rest of the money stating "If you don't give me the money I'll sue you for it." He laughed saying

"I'd like to see you get it on these grounds."

The next day he was surprised when he received a summons ordering his presence in court as

defendant in a law suit. He hurried to his lawyer and explained the details of the case. His

lawyer said: "She can't possibly get a judgement against you on such grounds, but it will be

interesting to see how her case will be presented."

In court after the usual preliminaries, the lady's lawyer addressed the court as follows: "Your

Honour, my client, this lady here, is the owner of a piece of property, a garden spot surrounded

by a profuse growth of shrubbery, property she agreed to rent to the defendant for a specific

length of time for the sum of $50.00. The defendant took possession of the property, used it

extensively for the purpose for which it was rented, but upon evacuating the premises he paid

only $25.00 which is only half the amount agreed upon. The rent was not excessive, since it is

restricted property, and we ask judgement to be granted against the defendant to assure payment

of the balance."

The defendant's lawyer was impressed and amused at the way the opponent had presented the case.

His defense, therefore, was somewhat altered from the way he originally planned to present it.

"Your Honour, my client agrees that the young lady has a fine piece of property, that he did rent

such property for a time and a degree of pleasure was derived from the transaction. However, my

client found a well on the property, around which he placed his stones, sunk a shaft and erected

a pump, all labour being performed personally by him. We claim these improvements to the property

adequately compensated for rental of said property. We therefore, ask judgement be not granted."

The young lady's lawyer come back was this: "Your Honour: My client agrees that the defendant did

find a well on her property and that he did make improvements such as my opponent has described.

However, had the defendant not known the well existed, he would never have rented the property,

also, upon evacuating the premises, the defendant removed the stones, pulled out the shaft and

took the pump with him. In doing so, he not only dragged the equipment through the shrubbery, but

left the hole much larger than it was prior to his occupancy, making it easily accessible to

little children. We therefore, ask that judgement be granted."

The judge's decision was that the defendant should either pay the plaintiff the $25.00 balance,

or, failing that, that the defendant should detach the aforementioned equipment and present it to

plaintiff for damages.

The man hurriedly wrote out a check for $25.00 to the young lady.

Case dismissed.

=============

The Old Boat

Joe and John were identical twins. Joe owned an old dilapidated
boat and kept pretty much to himself. One day he rented out his
boat to a group of out-of-staters who ended up sinking it. He
spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could from
the sunken vessel and was out of touch all that day and most of
the evening. Unbeknownst to him, his brother John's wife had died
suddenly in his absence.

When he got back on shore he went into town to pick up a few
things at the grocery. A kind old woman there mistook him for
John and said, "I'm so sorry for your loss. You must feel
terrible."

Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat said, "Hell no!
Fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old
thing from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she
smelled like old dead fish. She was always holding water. She had
a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too.
Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like
crazy."

"I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to
those four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she
wasn't very good and that she smelled bad. But they wanted her
anyway. The damn fools tried to get in her all at one time and
she split right up the middle."

The old woman fainted.

This story is of my sister amd how I sleep with her and maybe fuck too. Sorry for my english isn't good.

My sister Rakhi looks very beautiful and sexy. She is 5.7fts and 36 28 36. Her face is very attractive. I�m unfortunate guy being born with her as brother other wise my full adventure would be different. Anyhow since I came to realize this world, I started concentrating my sister�s stunning beauty. We were three at our home.

My father passed away when was in childhood days. My mother is a peddler. She uses to go for selling fruits. Me and my sister we both always use to be together. We use to sleep together. Guyse when I was in 6th STD my sister got puberty. After that her beauty grew within no time. Her small breasts grown huge melons. Her butt also grew. Everything went well with her.

But the changes that occurred in me because sexy body aroused me a lot. My mother use to sleep in one mat and my sister and me use to sleep on a meet separately. In those days me and sister tied together and slept. While sleeping me the touch on her huge tender breast happen with my face. At that night I could sleep.

It was not single event but it used to happen regularly I don�t sleep in the night because playing with her breasts and butts with her knowledge and I was scolded given punishments in the class for sleeping in the class. He was innocent my sir. Many times I use to keep my face in between my sisters sexy tits and sleep.

One day what happened when she was sleeping deeply, I was searching her pussy by inserting my finger her skirt. While I do this, she woke and asked me whet are you doing, I said no and slept. But in the whole day I was fully thinking to explore her pussy to the night. The night arrived very soon as usual we went to the bed slept.

At the midnight I woke and saw my sister sleeping facing me. I started lifting her skirt from below. She was in deep sleep. O my fortune she was not wearing any panty on that day. Her pussy was invisible. Because it was dark room. I can�t switch on the light my mother wake up. That�s why I slowly moving my palm on her pussy and felt her pubic hers very hot

And rubbing her pussy very slowly. I also know that if my sister wakes I would be caught. O my god it was blissful moment for me. My small cock rose and nothing happened. I slowly touched her clits it was soft. Some fluid was flowing from her cunt; I was not aware what that was at that time. I took little drop and tasted it was salty. She was still not wakening.

I was inserting my finger in her cunt hole it was too hot and very wet. I did not know what to do with the pussy those days. Because I was not matured enough. When I was 16years old my sister got married I was unlucky guy. She left our home to hubby home. One day my sister with her husband came to my home on the festive occasion.

I was very happy and looking for a chance to enjoy with my sister. Because by now I have got matured enough and so many times I have masturbated. I know what the sex is. My fortunate, that night my mother went to my grandma home and my sister I and her husband were there in the home. We were so tired of the festive and went to sleep.

I was not sleeping but I pretend like sleeping. My sister and her hubby started the game. I was near by them. My uncle removed her skirt and blouse and kissed her for a while, and then he was kissing her neck and removed her bra and started carousing her melons she was moving to respond to that stumily.

He started sucking the tits and she started moaning ha-ha, ha-ha slowly, hey slowly, fuck I fuck me soon, they forgot that I was sleeping beside them. He removed her panty and put his penis in her vagina and ridded harshly she was crying in pain and enjoying equally. He climaxed with no time. But she was not.

She did not leave him and tied him and begging him to fuck her more. He was not interested so she left him and turned and masturbated herself with her fingers. I was so shocked to see these all this mess but I want to fuck her at any cost. After she masturbated slept her without wearing her skirt and bra.

I was touching her wet pussy mixed with sperms and juice flowing out. My I started tying her tightly and sucked lips and kissed long. She was enjoying. Because she was not satisfied fully by her husband. I relieved her and got up and turned her facing towards me and put my tongue in her wet cunt hole and started fucking continuously half an hour

I was getting so tired but I want to give my sister full pleasure, then I sucked her melon one by one, she was moaning slowly. Then I put my cock in her deep cunt hole she became hot once again, I was riding her she came in my tool three or four times while I was fucking her cunt I was also carousing her melons she was in ecstasy.

I climaxed on her and she also got satisfied by me. She slept beside me and I put her clothes on her. It was my first sex adventure with my own sister. In the morning I got up she was so happy. My uncle went to job. She said to me, you are suitable for me I want you to fuck me more and more please fuck me brother but keep it secret.

While some would consider this a confession, confession implies that I feel guilt about the subject. I feel no guilt, to me it is a fond memory that some will enjoy, I'm simply sharing.
In 1985, I was stationed in Korea, due to family assets and my paygrade, I was quite well supplied with funds. This was before the "Korean Economic miracle". Pretty much anything was available in Korea for a price. I had the price. I had become somewhat bored with the usual diversions available in the "ville", and decided to find something different. I roamed the bars and clubs for the unusual. had some interesting adventures, yet still hadn't quite found that "something special". However my search bore fruit, I realised one of the Korean bargirls wasn't quite what she seemed. Now this girl was quite lovely, and well known for never having actual sex with guys that picked her up. Her customers were usually young, drunk and horny, and she satisfied them orally. To put it bluntly, Miss Kim could suck the crome off a trailer hitch ball. Now I bided my time until the Team Spirit exercise was well underway, My unit was exempt from exercise activities, I took leave for the 10 days or so of Team Spirit and happily relaxed in my off base quarters. The "ville" was quite pleasant, not many troops running the bars, and the bargirls had cash flow problems, most paid their rent on a weekly basis, and with few customers they were having trouble making the rent.
Miss Kim was no exception. so one night I bought her several overpriced "juicies" and started negotiations. She quickly explained that she only did blowjobs, no sex, we agreed on $15.00 the going rate. Then I brought up the subject of extras. I am quite fond of bondage, nothing rough or painful, just bondage. She seemed less than thrilled, but rent was coming due. We went to my apartment, it was a cold night and she was quite happy about my budget allowing more heat than she could afford, We actually had a snack, she was rather shocked when I cooked a couple nice omeletes, apparently Korean men know there is a kitchen in their home, they just don't care where it is. Miss Kim stripped to the waist, nice breasts, small, but then Asian women aren't noted for having huge breasts. I tied her hands behind her, she knelt and nuzzled at my jeans, Then I surprised her, she wasn't expecting that I would tie her ankles and then connect them to her wrists. I rubbed her neck awhile, she relaxed, Then I really upset her, I pulled her jeans down, sure enough, there was a penis, She was a old-op transexual. Kim was quietly freaking out now, but I rubbed her neck some more. Finally she nervously asked what I was going to do, I happily explained I wasn't going to hurt her, but I was going to get the blowjob I paid for and was going to take some pictures. I promised no one else would see the pictures, and her penis would be our little secret. We both knew that in Korean culture she would be outcast and fired at the very least if the club owners knew she was a old-op. So she knew I had her right where I wanted her. It was an excellent blowjob, probably the best I've had. When she finished she asked when I was going to untie her, I said in the morning, I had been watching and while blowing me, Kim had become very erect, not a large penis, rather small actually, but quite erect. I asked what she intended to do with her hard-on, She wanted to masturbate and couldn't with bound hands. I had a perfect situation, a lovely "girl" bound and desperate for sexual release, and quite helpless. She tried to rub herself on the sheets, but I wouldn't allow it. I embraced her and explained that she needed to make me very happy that night, and that I might help her out if in a good mood. I think being revealed as a old-op and being helpless combined to excite her. Her penis started twitching she was so excited, so I offered my cock to her lips again and I thought she would suck my balls through my uretha. I pulled out and shot a load all over her face. She was so excited she was trembling, being a nice guy in my own way, I took her penis and started slowly stroking her, she shot off in about 30 seconds. I offered her my semen covered hand and she licked it clean. I cut the cord attaching her ankles to her wrists but left her bound, we cuddled and rested awhile. Before long, she started licking me again, she was as aggressive as a bound person could be. We had a nice long talk on many topics, including anal sex, Kim was an anal virgin. and quite scared about anal, I told her I would never force anal on her, but with vibes and such we could prepare her for anal. Somewhere in the course of the night we agreed that she would quit the club job and move in with me, I had about two years left in country. There was a financial part to the arrangement of course, I had a very agreeable sex slave for about two years, and she had a nice little nest egg to pay for her operation. Now this was before don't ask don't tell, and of course we were very discret about her something extra, Kim was usually bound during sex, she seemed to enjoy being helpless, but safe, In fact sometimes I would get home and find she had cuffed herself and was kneeling in the living room. I was always careful to not bring friends and co-workers home unless she knew in advance. Now both of us are married to others now. I to my wife, who knows nothing of this period of my past, and Kim to a nice Korean man, who knows she wasn't born female. Other than Christmas cards we have no current contact, my wife thinks Kim was my secretary while I was in Korea. Upon reflection, I think I was attracted to Kim because I knew I could have a submissive lover, her penis never really interested me, other than a means of control. But considering that I do have a somewhat nice Motherless.com gallery of spam's I have to wonder. Just thought I would share this little story.

So, a question: What kind of porn do YOU want to see, that you have trouble finding?
maybe you find something close to it, but not quite. maybe you've found exactly what you're looking for, but it's either such low quality or the performer in it is so nasty or something that it's just not watchable.
So, in a perfect world, if you could commission a (LEGAL!) porn, what do you want in it? what do you specifically want NOT in it?

as for me?
I have four BIG fetishes I like:
Female masturbation
i like the narcissism in female masturbation videos. i don't like the "rubbing one off" when watching porn type. i like watching girls who are really into it. they're having sex with themselves, not scratching an itch.

Girls tasting themselves.
Fuck me. Nothing I like more than a girl, not just tasting her pussy, but ENJOYING the taste of her pussy.

Food play (not shit like spaghetti. i'm talking chocolate, fruit, whipped cream, ice cream, yogurt)
This goes back into "tasting themselves" and seems hard to find. sure, there are dozens of decent videos where a chick smears her tits with whipped cream, or jills off with a banana, but it's not quite right. Peal the damn banana, coat it with whipped cream, ride that fucker to a screaming orgasm and then eat the results! From ultra hard-core to the slowest, sweetest, most erotic uses, these things are under utilized. and good luck searching for them! Chocolate always gets you black dick, whipped cream gets you people being whipped and cum.... euphemisms so fill porn descriptions that you can't actually look for what you want to find!

i have 2 vids uploaded. one is one of my favorite foodplay videos.

Panties
specifically? clean panties. or panties that WERE clean until she started masturbating through them/in them/with them. I absolutely gag when i hear some chick in a video talk about how she's worn her panties for 17 days now and pulls them off to see them FILTHY and soiled. I have an oral fixation (should be obvious by now) and because of that, hygiene matters to me. I don't want to see piss stains and skid marks! I want pristine, clean panties that get SOAKED. And then, preferably, end up in her mouth.

i have 2 videos uploaded, one of them is a great example of panty play that is just hard to find!

what do i hate that always seems to show up?

Anal
I do not like anal. at all, in any form. and it seems to permeate everything! it wasn't that long ago it was a niche of its own. the fact that it's infinitely easier to find new videos of girls doing the most disgusting AtM than it is to find a girl rub one off with a strawberry and eat it really upsets me. Now, if she keeps it clean, and wants to do something like put in a buttplug? does nothing for me, but it isn't a game changer either. when she's dildoing herself frantically and switching holes? damn! that's filthy!

watersports
again, because of the oral fixation, waste is not appealing to me. I know some people with an oral fixation like things like piss drinking. I don't Hygiene matters to much, i can't get past how nasty it is.

dirty talking
mostly because most of it is terrible. if a girl is making a video for a specific dude and she says "i want your cock", that's one thing. she has a target audience, and what she's saying is for him. Otherwise she's just babbling stupid shit. i'd rather listen to wet noises and listen to her moan

smoking
it effects how girls taste. heard it can make her cunt taste like an ashtray. I want to see her taste that pussy and like it. no one wants to lick an ashtray

hairy
i don't mind some hair, especially trimmed. prefer clean shaved. Hairy looks dirty.

Lube
as in from a bottle or whatever. How am I supposed to think she's getting into it if she isn't getting wet?

fat, ugly, or old (or any combination)
why is it you can get an 8/10 chick to stick her tongue in some hairy dudes ass, but the only women you can get who'll fill their twats with cherries and champagne before rubbing one out, gushing the contents into a cup, and drinking it are over 300 pounds and pushing 60? (note, that video doesn't exist, to my knowledge. don't ask me for it)

Ok, i've written way too long. what do you think of what i like or am looking for? know this isn't "requests" but do you know where anything like what i want could be?
and what of my initial questions? what do YOU all want, that you just can't seem to find?
what do you always see that you're sick of seeing, or has ruined an otherwise amazing video?

Question for submissive men: how have you found dominant partners who want long relationships! 

I like violent men but they often want to hurt me and move on to their next victim,  they don't want to own me :( 

Anyone in a long term relationship with a dominant man who is a sweet loving partner but also has no problems degrading you,  exposing you,  torturing you,  maybe even in front of others? 

I want to find a dominant man or woman to own me and hurt me and tease me. I try to find love but i can't be in a vanilla relationship i get bored and i don't feel loved if it's not kinky. I try to find sex but even if I get fucked hard I want to be kept and controlled for a long time. I am like tantalus, reaching for fruit in the trees and water from the river and reaching neither....

It's hard to find validation of who I am.  I would like friends as well who are submissive and like the same things (extreme bdsm, power dynamics,  transgender sex,  fetish clothing) and people who like kinky cartoons and hentai for getting fun ideas for future scenarios :) thanks for reading would love advice on meeting dominants and would like 2 have friends who love kink and exhibitionism and voyeurism. ❤