A gamer friend of mine called me up, he wanted me to go with him to do some live action roleplaying for Halloween. I told him I wasn’t interested, that I was just going to chill at home with my wife. Wife told me to go with him and that she was going to chill with her girlfriend anyway (she’s bisexual). I shrugged. No big deal, it was a pretty boring Halloween so far.
I arrived at my friend’s house and followed him to some rented out warehouse.
“We’re playing Vampire the Masquerade, there are a lot of sexy women here bro, so if I disappear I’m nailing one of them,” he said with a smirk. This peaked my interest, and rightly so. I would come to find out that geeks are more open (or perhaps desperate) for sex than your average person at a bar. It was surreal.
My friend helped me make my character sheet. I had reservations about this, it seemed very silly and immature for a guy of my age to be doing.
“Remember, you’re Bruja – the Anarchist Vampire class,” and he rambled off a bunch of shit that I can’t even fucking remember. Red wine was prevalent. There was a $15 fee to enter but you got a plastic goblet and as much red wine as you wanted. I looked around, women in tight black corsets with milky white cleavage, black lipstick – some fat, some skinny, some voluptuous – all sexy as fuck.
I was dressed all in black, hair slicked back – and had a full goblet of wine. The wine was pretty sweet, I liked it. If I didn’t watch myself I could easily get hammered.
My friend knew people at this event, so he decided to flutter off and do his own thing leaving me to pretty much stand there and do nothing. I didn’t even know where he went off too.
I felt really fucking stupid.
“What do we have here,” a skinny guy said, eyeing me, “a piece of shit bruja out of his cage? Well? Speak when spoken to zealot!”
On his side he was flanked by two very sexy women. One was completely dressed in a black flowing dress while the other wore a red and black corset; a black miniskirt and thigh high fuck me boots. Damn.
“My apologies, I’m new around here. A friend left me to wander around and I can’t seem to find him.”
Well, that was the end of my short life as a vampire it seems. This guy was some super powerful ‘elitist vampire’ and knew I was a total newbie at the game and decided to kill me for experience points. Something I found really funny was the “rock paper scissors” game that determined if you hit the other person or not. Anyway, I lost and I was slaughtered. The girl in the miniskirt frowned, shook her head and then winked at me.
“Out of character: You can create another character,” the guy said as he walked off with the two hot ladies.
I did, I created a new character - but I decided to fill my goblet again and just sit down and do some people watching. A few people wandered up to me and talked to me.
One thing they would say if they wanted to talk normal to you is “Out of character before saying what they had to.”
Across the warehouse I notice a woman pull a tit out and a guy sink his fake vampire teeth into it. Interesting. Two vampire ladies were holding each other close romantically and kissed.
I looked down into my goblet of wine, thinking how much of an asshole my friend was for ditching me.
“Out of character: Are you still dead or did you create a new character?” I heard a soft woman’s voice say.
I looked up, it was the hot woman with the red corset. She had short black hair, pale white skin with dark red lipstick. Her tits were popping out of the corset with a passion, it was definitely too small for her. She was stunning. Her eyes were a cold blue, fake contacts but hot as hell. She smiled at me, showing me her damn near authentic looking fangs.
“Out of character: I made a new character, damn those fangs look real!” I said, blushing a bit because she obviously caught me checking her body out.
“I’m a oral hygienist, I work at a dentist’s office and crafted them myself! A lot of people here get me to make them for them, I charge from $300 to $500 depending on what people want done,” she said looking into my eyes. Then she added, “they’re sharp enough to actually work too. Glad you made a new character, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to play with you!” She laughed.
“Name is Megan,” she said smiling and shook my hand. I told her my name too.
She flicked one of the teeth with her pierced tongue. I wondered what she wanted from me.
She grabbed my hand, “let’s play.”
We walked around for a few hours, she introduced me to different people. My friend was nowhere in sight so I asked Megan about him.
“He’s probably involved in the blood orgy,” she said, “he usually is. I don’t like that aspect of it. I’m kinda shy and like my fucking to be a bit more personal, one on one… you know?” This is when she turned and looked directly into my eyes, it was a ‘fuck the shit out of me’ look and there was no denying it.
What in the actual fuck did I stumble into here? A LARP swingers group??
Her cobalt blue eyes pierced my soul as she looked at me. Holy shit, she wanted me to kiss her. My heart was beating insanely. My mouth met hers, our tongues intertwined. Instinctively I reached for one of her breasts, so soft and perfect. She moaned. She grabbed my hand and led me to ‘her lair’ which was a room (an old office?) that didn’t have any windows and a door that could be locked. She shut the door and lit a candle. Her hands fumbled to unbutton my pants; she pulled my pants and my underwear down and was immediately on her knees taking my dick inside her mouth. The teeth were sharp as fuck. Not going to lie, it hurt.
At that moment, guilt set in but not for me – just because I thought she needed to know that I couldn’t date her because I was a married man. Her mouth moved up and down my shaft, those teeth lightly grazing my cock, she’d bite down a bit sometimes.
“Out of character: I’m married,” I said as I gasped.
She stopped sucking on me, “Same. Here, in this world – you’re dead as am I, relax and let the world of the living slip away.” She gripped my cock and started sucking the tip, and flicked her piercing on the head. I wanted to bust a nut all over her pretty face, but I held off. My hands fingered through her silky black hair, I pulled her up to meet my lips once again. My hand went under her skirt, pushing the thong she wore to one side and I plunged a finger into her wet pussy. She moaned and bit my neck. That would leave a mark. I gripped her breast with my other hand and pulled it out of her corset. She undid her corset and let it fall to the ground, she slid out of her skirt and thong. She was naked all but the fuck me boots, her body was that of a goddess. Perfectly proportioned, I’ve never met a woman that I’ve fucked in real life that measured up to how perfect this woman was. She had a little tuff of black hair above her pussy, her skin was so milky white – it wasn’t makeup, Megan actually didn’t get a lot of sunlight.
She laid down on the ground and spread her legs, inviting me in. I mounted her missionary as she wrapped her legs around my back. Each and every thrust I felt her moving in synch with me, perfect rhythm and timing. Her soft tits were giggling with each thrust as my saliva dripped into her mouth with each kiss and lick. She grabbed me by the neck and pushed me to the side and mounted me. Her tits bounced up and down on my chest. I grabbed her beautiful round ass cheeks and spanked her as she moaned, riding my stiff cock. I grabbed at her full breasts and sucked on her rock hard nipples. I could feel her wetness dripping out of her pussy down my balls. She rode me for a good 20 minutes and suddenly started shaking, bucking and convulsing with one of the most intense orgasms I’ve ever witnessed. She screamed with pleasure.
“Holy fuck,” she said, nearly breathless. Megan started bucking on my cock again, “your turn.”
She leaned down and kissed me with her soft red lips, then bit my neck again. I could feel her fake porcelain teeth puncturing my skin and I moaned. Her sharp blood red nails dug into my sides as she tried to hold me even closer. She felt how hard my cock was, and knew I was about to explode.
She looked into my eyes, “it’s okay,” she whispered, “I want your energy inside me,” and that did it for me… WAIT… ENERGY?!? I literally began to ejaculate load after load inside her as she bucked and fucked my cock like a pro. My stiff cock jumped inside her, hot pulsating shots of cum spraying deeper and deeper within her vaginal cavity. I let out a guttural grunt and moan with each and every ejaculation. Her pussy gripped me, like it knew exactly how to make me feel, like it knew how to keep my cock spraying cum for an eternity. I couldn’t stop cumming. Even when she dismounted me, my cock was jumping and cum was still dripping out of it. I can’t remember cumming so hard, ever. Who was this chick??
I felt her mouth take my cock, she cleaned me off. Megan rested her head on my chest.
“I’m in an open marriage in the land of the living,” I said, my body trying to get me to shut down and sleep.
“I’m not, I’m married to an asshole cop who is a drunk,” she whispered, “he fucks other women I’m sure of it.”
“My wife has a girlfriend, she says I can have one too. I mean, I know we just met and we just had sex…”
“I’ll give you my email address, not my phone number. God help you if we fall in love. I’d be that home wrecking bitch all you bastards are afraid of,” she said laughing.
“I won’t leave my wife, but I’m sure she wouldn’t mind you at all.”
We got dressed. We were only fucking for about an hour and people were still about. Megan showed me where the ‘blood orgy’ was taking place, and sure enough there was my friend – passed out with two naked women next to him. I laughed.
Megan looked at me, “what’s so funny?”
“Who would have thought that going to a roleplaying game on Halloween would end in getting laid and witnessing an orgy. You guys know how to party that is for sure.”
I kissed Megan goodnight, she held me tight and told me she didn’t want to let me go. I left my friend Kevin behind to sleep between to naked ladies. What an evening.
I got home and my wife was waiting up for me, “damn, you had fun!“ she said laughing and looking at my neck. “They think they’re real fucking vampires or something?”
“Maybe, but there sure was some real fucking going on,” I said. My wife smelled me, she could smell Megan’s perfume. She reached down the front of my pants and felt my cock, still damp from fucking and smelled her fingers, then licked them “I’d eat her out, she tastes nice,” my wife said kissing me on the lips.
“Yeah, it turns out – geeks have fun after all…”
I really want to date Megan. I don’t have a girlfriend, but Megan… oh Megan, I want more of her.
Not only did I get laid, but there was lesbians and everything under the sun going on at this event. It sparked my intrigue. Best. Halloween. Ever.

I must confess that I like sweaty women with flabby tits.
I mean like flap-jack tits.
I want a girl like that to put her puffy nipples into the crevice of my anal cavity.
I wanna feel her flab inside of me. Rubbing my prostate.

I want her to do me dirty....I want her to drink my enema juice.

This is my dream in life.

Whoopi Goldberg wants to feel your tube steak in her cavity tonight ;)

last night in the shower i pulled my dick between my legs and pressed the head of it up my bum hole then i pissed inside myself.when i finished pissing i took me dick out and held the piss inside my ass cavity for a bit then squatted and squirted all the piss out of myself.anyone else heard of this kink or what its called

05:53

Hot Milf Inserts Toilet Brush and Plunger

bslsk 140.2K

2 things wrong here.

How the hell did she fit 25 inches of toilet plunger in her ass? How is that physically possible?

And what the fuck, is she a cyborg?

Go! Watch the end! She's a cyborg with a straight, 25 inch cavity for an asshole.

I had a kinky encounter with this tight bodied cutie. She has a round, shapely ass that smells as good as it tastes. I met up with her after she got done with a work out at the gym. Drove to the outskirts of the city and took her for a hike into the woods. Had her bend over while holding onto a tree. Maneuvering myself behind her and slipping her yoga pants off that succulent, sweaty ass. I pulled her clothing and admired her pert booty, spanking it hard. Getting down on my knees and burying my face between her cheeks. My nose was grinding up against her slick, musky asshole and I took my time to inhale the delectable scent of her pucker. Keeping her cheeks parted with my hands. I pushed my tongue deep inside her anal cavity, rotating it and wiggling it in her ass while clasping my lips on her rim. Sucking on her delicious hole and making her moan for me.

What kind of kinky things would you like to do to her? Feel free to get descriptive about your dirtiest thoughts. I'll add more if requested.

I want candy, bubble gum, and taffy
Skip to the sweet shop with my sweetheart Sandy
Got my pennies saved so I'm her sugar daddy
I'm her Hume Cronyn and she's my Jessica Tandy, I want candy!

put it in a pile, split it with my bitty 50/50 down the line
kinda like close encounters of the cavity kind
im talkin liquorice kisses, talkin chocodile smiles

I want candy, i got a sugar tooth
put on your shin gaurds, Sandy, 'cause i wanna knock boots
lick my peppermint stick til' the lollipop droops
gumdrop that dont stop til' its licked knot loose

(ladies)
candy... candy...

i need candy bubble gum, and taffy
get in my way punk, you're gonna get ya ass beat, nasty
Do it till your dad sees, embarass your whole family
Just 'cause you came between a kid and his candy
I need candy, any kind'll do
Don't care if it's nutritious or "FDA approved"
It's gonna make me spaz like bobcats on booze
A hyperactive juice that only I can produce

And fuel a giant drill, bore straight into Hell
Releasing ancient demons from their sleep forever spell
So they can walk upon the earth, and get resituated
And Hock the diet pills that MC Pee Pants has created

I need candy, want some candy, eat candy til' I'm dead
I'll kill you for some candy, give me candy, candy head!
Where you keepin' all the candy?!
Who made you candy king?!
If you dont give me some candy, I will make the ladies sing!

(ladies)
Candy, in tha morning, candy on the way to school
Candy, at school, at lunch in the afternoon
Candy, in school, on your way home from school
Candy, at diner,at dinner, in bed!

Mess up the mix, mix up the mess
Come on down yo, here's the address
At 6-1-2 Wharf Avenue,

Right next to, gentlemen's club.

Just got filled by my dentist!
Oh, and I have a cavity too.

I have to confess this here because I cannot tell anyone I know:

Today, I got 2 ping pong balls stuck up my ass while my wife was at work. Today is my day off. I was in the shower playing with my (secret) vibrator and 6 ping pong balls. I had taken tons of enemas to make sure I was totally clean inside. While laying in the shower on my back, I stuck the ping pong balls up my ass one-by-one, until I had 5 in there.

The 3rd, 4th, and 5th balls sort-of sat next to each other, rather than stacking up. My colon was being stretched out and the balls were pressing hard against my prostate. I had a raging boner that I was stroking at the time. The thought came into my head, "It's like having a dog knot in my ass!" Shortly thereafter, I came. It was fantastic.

I then immediately began to excrete the ping pong balls. The first 3 went just fine. Then, nothing came out. I got to my feet, squatting, so that I could stick my fingers up there and try to find the next one. It wasn't within finger's reach.

I didn't panic. Instead, I stuck 3 fingers in my ass in an attempt to reach as far up as possible. I located the 2nd ball at the sharp turn that begins the sigmoid colon. I couldn't feel it directly, though. I felt it through some intestinal wall, meaning that it was around the turn of the sigmoid and lodged in.

I thought, "FUCK!" I knew it would be very difficult to extract it, let alone the 1st ball behind it!

After a few attempts to push it out, I decided to just clean myself up and get out of the shower. My hope was that I could identify some tools that would help me get it out, and possibly help it move downward by walking around.

I tried several things. First, I googled the medical procedure for extracting foreign bodies from rectums. There are several of common procedures. Primarily, a doctor spreads your asshole open and then tries to pry the object out manually. If that doesn't work, they will try to grab it with instruments. If that doesn't work, they might try to slip something past it, such as a balloon, and then inflate the balloon and pull the object out. There were also instances of using a vacuum device. If that doesn't work. . . Colonoscopy!

So, I found the vacuum. I decided that I had no control over the suction and that I was highly likely to rip my intestines out if I attempted to use it. However, I thought that maybe using the cylindrical hose extension might allow the ping pong balls to simply fall out. But, the ping pong balls were too wide to fit into the extension.

So, I found a turkey baster in the kitchen. I got back into the tub (so as not to make a mess) and stuck the turkey baster up my ass and pulled the plunger out. I don't think it did anything. It was small.

So, I googled the anatomy of the rectum to discover which side of my abdomen the sigmoid colon was on. This way, when I stuck something up in there, I knew which direction to turn it in order to pull the intestinal wall downward and out of the way of the ping pong balls.

It turns out that I inherited some old stainless steel surgical instruments. I don't know what they are for. They are about 10 inches long, rectangular extrusions that taper to a sharp edge at one end. All the other edges are rounded. The end opposite the sharp edge is blunt. I decided that I could use the blunt end to pry the intestinal wall down. I returned to the shower after thoroughly cleaning the instruments.

I laid down on my back and pulled my knees to my chest. I gently inserted the thinnest instrument into my ass. It went in about 8 inches. When I turned it a certain way, it would tap against the ping pong ball. I managed to turn it just right to pry the sigmoid colon's sharp corner downward and release the ball into my colon. All the while, I was bearing down as if I was giving birth. The ball began to travel down my colon. All the while I was guiding it and prying my rectum open with the stainless steel instrument. I was afraid that the ball might be inclined to go back up, so I didn't stop pushing until it finally popped out.

I was instantly relieved. However, there was still another ball stuck inside of me. I immediately returned to my feet, squatting, so that I could feel for it. I managed to get three fingers inside myself, as far up as they would go. I could not feel the ball. When I took my fingers out, I noticed a pool of blood underneath me. It was small and looked to be watered down. Perhaps it wasn't all blood.

I inserted the instrument and tried to feel for the ball. Nothing.

I decided to clean up and take a break. At this point I had spent a couple of hours running around the house looking for tools and researching how to go about extraction.

While I took my break, I paced around the house in an attempt to get the ball to move down on its own. After an hour or so, I attempted to find the ball again. Nothing. Just a small pool of blood. So, I cleaned up and I began to research again.

What happens if I can't get this thing out? Like I said before, worst case scenario is that I go to the hospital, spend a ton of money to have a doctor take it out, and never hear the end of it from my wife. By the way, she knows that I enjoy anal stimulation, but she does not participate and does not know how/when I do it. Worst-worst case scenario? Colostomy. I end up with a colostomy bag on my hip for being a fucking idiot.

I decided to drink some gatorade to make sure that I wouldn't run out of electrolytes. I then decided to eat something in an attempt to get my bowels to move on their own. Remember, though, that I had taken several enemas. My bowels were completely empty except for this ping pong ball. I then decided to drink 2 cups of coffee very quickly, since coffee is a diuretic and may cause my bowels to move. I paced the house for 10 minutes, drinking coffee.

I tried to find the ball again. Nothing. Just tiny droplets of blood.

I began to panic at this point. I was asking myself, "Why?! Why do I do this to myself?" I came to the realization that I was a fucking idiot and that I got greedy with pleasuring myself. I should never play with untethered objects. I probably shouldn't even play with dildos. I doubt anything in your ass (besides shit) is really a good idea.

So, in this moment of panic with time running out before my wife comes home from work, I decided that I should try to put something behind the ball to force it out. What could I possibly put behind it? AIR. I went and got the bike tire pump from the garage and promptly stuck it up my ass and began pumping. As air passed into my asshole, it made a fart sound. I felt my abdomen fill with air. I then paced the house for several minutes before sitting on the toilet and trying to pass the ball.

Only air came out. "Fuck!" Now, I was risking embolism in an attempt to get this thing out. Embolism is where you introduce harmful bacteria into your colon (or even other body cavities) and they cause a major infection that can kill you.

So, I really began to panic. "Why!? Why do I do this stupid shit?!"

I finally decided that the only thing I had left to do was to take more enemas. I climbed into the shower and promptly started filling my ass with water via the shower hose. (The shower head has a hose. Remove the shower head and you have a nearly perfect enema hose that's pumps water into your ass.) Taking enemas like this can also lead to embolism.

First enema was small. I squatted and released it all onto the tub floor. No ping pong ball.

The second enema was rather large. I filled myself until it began to put pressure on my abdomen. I squatted and released it all onto the tub floor. No ping pong ball.

Determined, I took a third enema. It was rather small. I squatted and let the water out. But, some air came with it. I thought, "Perhaps the air did work to some extent! If that air came from behind the ball, the ball must be moving!"

Sure enough, I felt the ball enter my colon. I pushed as hard as I could and felt it slowly descend. It finally popped out and onto the floor.

I cleaned myself up and threw all of the ping pong balls in the trash. Fuck you.

I hope you enjoyed my story of idiocy and pain. All-in-all I spent about 5 hours trying to remove these things. I only spent 30 minutes putting them in. I will continue to bleed out of my ass for several days. But, crisis averted. Please, do NOT try ANYTHING I posted here for yourself. It's incredibly dangerous and could lead to severe health problems or even death. If you get something stuck in your ass, your best bet is to go to the emergency room.

Full body cavity search for sure!

Well, whattayaknow -- one of my potential DoubleList hookups actually came through! As a 73 y/o guy with an average dick and plain (at best) looks, I'm still amazed by whatever sexual adventure comes my way. Sure, I have my 20-year-younger hot-as-fuck red-haired FWB who I've been fucking since 2013, but because we're 900 miles apart, it's a 1x or 2x/year encounter. The rest of the time, I'm scouring the Denver ads for a companion.

Mira (not her real name) is a 55-y/o divorcee with two kids, (a son 20 and a daughter 16). She reached out to me because she was looking for someone to role-play as her daddy, and we spent three weeks texting back and forth, each time getting more and more filthy. The problem involved a hookup venue. My wife is literally home almost ALL the time, and Mira's daughter is usually around her place as well. We were frustrated to find a place to fuck, and I didn't want to spring for a hotel unless I absolutely had to.

The breakthrough came today. We were texting earlier in the afternoon when I reminded her she'd talked about going to an adult arcade. After considerable back-and-forth, she came over to my place, around 6:30 pm and I drove her to the arcade on West Colfax here in Denver. She's about 5-6 and 160 pounds, with big tits (see photo) that are very sensitive. I was wearing my standard arcade outfit: drawstring shorts, t-shirt, sandals, no underwear. She had on an ankle-length polka-dot print dress, which was low-cut in front to show off her impressive cleavage.

I chastised her for wearing so much clothing, given the prospective activities on tap. After we paid our entry fee and took a quick tour of the arcade, we settled onto one of the bench-type seats in the mini-theater that shows hetero porn. While making out, I discovered she was wearing a fairly substantial bra, although she extracted her breasts so I could suck on and twist her nipples. Shortly thereafter, a chubby guy in his 60s sat down next to us, and Mira encouraged him to latch onto her other teat. I stood up, dropped my shorts, and she went to town on my cock. I'm guessing she sucked it for about 15 minutes, while the guy next to her was jerking his own member and playing with her tits. Then she had me sit so she could crouch down on the floor in front of me to get better leverage on my dick.

Mira did a superb job, and I eventually filled up her oral cavity. Since I'm only 5.5", she had no problem taking me entirely into her mouth, and she moaned considerably as my cum splashed against the back of her throat. She turned to the other guy and stood up to blow him, bending over at the waist so I could finger her from behind. I smacked her ass for having worn such a challenging outfit. The dress seemed like it was made from yards and yards of cloth. I told her, "Next time, sweetie, you're wearing a button-down blouse, no bra, a short skirt, and no panties."

The XXX film being shown in the theater was SO LOUD that it was distracting to her ministrations, so the three of us went over to the room that has the glory hole wall. It's designed so there's a platform where guys can ascend on a few stairs, while the person doing the cock-sucking stands at floor level. The old guy stuck his cock through the long, oval-shaped opening, and Mira went back to work. I talked her into taking off her panties, which she did and promptly shoved into my pocket. While she sucked, I got her to spread her thighs and finger-fucked the shit out of her pussy. Mira says she always takes a long time to orgasm, and on this night she didn't get there, but she was soaking wet and made lots of old-orgasmic noises.

The guy blew his load and backed off the platform, thanking her profusely for the skillful job she'd done. The next guy was ready to take his turn, so Mira instructed him to climb the steps and present his dick through the hole. He was 40-ish, tall and stocky, and Mira was delighted to see how well his thick circumcised cock fit in her mouth. He was a long timer; I'm guessing Mira sucked on him for at least 20 minutes without a break. She'd just admitted to starting to taste his old-cum when the entire encounter got shut down. We'd apparently forgotten to shut the door to the room -- it's only been in the past six months that this particular booth even HAD a door -- and management officially frowns on "lewd public conduct and/or nudity." We were ushered rather unceremoniously out the front door and told not to return. The Black guy never did get his rocks off, which Mira thought was a real shame. "I bet he was working up a massive load," she said in a disappointed voice as we drove away.

After dropping her off at her car, we traded follow-up messages once she returned home. I suggested we try a different arcade next time, and she agreed it would be fun to have a Round Two. Earlier, when we were driving to the arcade, she'd said several times how nervous she was, never having been to an arcade before. At the end of the evening's conversation, though, when I complimented her on having gotten over her nervousness so quickly after we'd arrived at the arcade, she wrote this: "Once I get turned on, I'll do almost anything. Other than that, I'm in respectable regular-mom mode." Somehow, I don't think it'll take long to extract her from that mindset the next time we meet!