Thanksgiving Leftovers?

In 2009 and then again later, "the bobbie," was voted best sandwich in America.

https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/delawarebusinessnow.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/d/4f/d4ff2db6-7c52-5c17-8ca1-71bf49cc0ff7/662693c653442.image.jpg

My point is that leftover turkey with cranberry and mayo makes a great sanwich. A great way to use the leftovers.

I do not add stuffing to my wonderful turkey sandwich -- too much bread. In stead i add some leftover turkey drippings or stock with some poultry herbs to mimic the taste of stuffing.

best wishes to everyone

I would pack up a sub sandwich, hopefully she eats meat, take her to the park, spread out a blanket, bring a picnic basket, pour her some wine, and let her talk while we eat an amazing lunch of cheese, olives, salad, sandwich. No flies or pigeons. I hate flies and pigeons.

My wife stood before me with some items in front of her. Without a word, she emptied a large jar of mayonnaise and proceeded to fill the empty jar with rocks right to the top, rocks about 2" diameter, then asked me if the jar was full. I agreed that it was.

She then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them in to the jar. She shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. My wife then asked me if the jar was now full. I agreed that, yes, it was.

She then poured a bag of sand into the jar with the result that the sand filled up the remaining spaces between the rocks and pebbles.

"Now," said my wife, "I want you to recognize that this is your life. The rocks are the important things - your family, your wife who loves you, your health, your children - anything that is so important to you that if it were lost, you would be nearly destroyed. The pebbles are the other things in life that matter, but on a smaller scale. The pebbles represent things like your job, your house and your car. The sand is everything else. The small stuff. Your X-box, football, the pub, porn. If you put the sand or the pebbles first, there is no room for the rocks. The same goes for your life.

If you spend all your energy and time on the small stuff, material things, you will never have room for the things that are truly most important."

I was dumbfounded.
Where was she going to get more mayonnaise from for my sandwich?

Looking for a video.

Has anyone seen a video of a chick showing her pussy on webcam. And then she calls a guy from the background who was at a table and was eating a sandwich to suck his dick so she can show the other person watching.

In the end she shows the cum in her hand to the webcam.

Please let me know if it's linked elsewhere.

Asian women share tips on how to catch a man and keep him happy.

For generations Asian women learned how to treat a man by following rules laid down by Thai philosopher Sunthron Phu in his book Maxims for Teaching Women. Now they�ve taken his words of wisdom that have been passsed down fro more than 2,000 years and updated them to deal with men in 2012.

Here are the winning recommendations for Western women who want to trade be successful in love and marriage:

1) YOUR MAN IS KING - Remember that your man/husband comes first � before you, your parents, your outside interests or even your children
2) RISE EARLY. Get up in the morning before your man does. Make sure you prepare a healthy breakfast so he gets a good start on the day. Even if you have to leave before him, make sure he has a nice breakfast waiting for him when he comes into the kitchen in the morning.
3) NEVER NAG. Never, ever. If he wants to stop off after work and have a few drinks with his buddies, that�s his business. If he forgot to take out the garbage � do it yourself.
4) BE AT HOME. Make sure you�re always at home when he gets in from a hard day at the office. Even if you are working, make sure you get home to your man/husband as soon as possible.
5) SMILE. Always greet your man with a smile on your face and, if you can, a cold drink in your hand.
6) DINNER READY. If you are home, or get home first, always have a delicious dinner ready to be served. And if he comes home feeling tense, give him a massage to ease his aches and pains.
7) LET HIM HANG WITH FRIENDS. If your man wants to have his buddies over for a night of poker, or football, or video games, don�t get mad. Encourage it and make sure you�ve got lots of sandwiches and cold beer on hand to serve them.
8) ASK FIRST. Always ask him first before you go spending his hard-earned money, or even your hard-earned money, to buy something for yourself.
9) REMOTE CONTROL. Let him choose the programs you watch onteleveision. The television is man�s domain� he should be in charge. And only Netflix/rent HIS favorite movies or TV shows.
10) OBEY. Don�t do things your husband doesn�t approve of. And don�t complain about it. If he doesn�t want you wasting your time watching soap operas or having coffee with a neighbor, obey him. You�ll both be happier for it.
11) WILD IN BED. Be a temptress in bed. If he likes you in sexy lingerie, wear it. Be shy and demure when you�re out in public, but once the lights are out, let him know he�s the only man in the world who can please you.
2) KNOW SPORTS. Bone up on sports so you�ll have something to talk about. But always let him start the conversation.

13) KEEP FIT. Keep yourself in shape and always dress nicely so you�ll be a wife any husband would be proud to have.
14) CLEANING. Keep your home spic and span at all times. It should look like you�re expecting company. And the laundry should always be done. Your man should never have to look for clean socks or underwear and his shirts should all be ironed � by you.

Follow ALL these steps and you will be happy for the rest of your life!

Anybody want a sandwich?

My gf and I both enjoying discussing dirty incestuous stuff. She had a fantasy of daddy daughter but kept it mostly to herself. However, over a few years time, she and I opened up to each other more about such fantasies. It gets us real horny, talking about how we should get her fucked by her daddy. We talk about various such make belief stuff. She also loves the idea of being sandwiched by me and her daddy. She loves being roughed up and dominated, so we really get to talk about a fuck tonne of nasty incestuous stuff.

What about you guys?

P.S. The pic is unrelated but goes well with what I was talking about.

I gotta confess this:

I jerk off and shoot cum on my food. If I know I'm going to be alone long enough when I'm going to eat I do it as often as I can.

It's really easy when I'm at work during lunch, I have an office to myself for at least a half hour. I can watch a porn vid and shoot cum all over my meal. Sandwich, tacos, pretty much anything. Jerked off on big cookies a couple of times. Doesn't matter if it gets mixed in/covered or not.

No, I haven't tried to get anyone else to pump a load out for me. I don't know anyone that well and don't want to get to know any guys like that. It's my cum, out one end back in the other.

And no, I don't have the desire to suck or swallow for other guys. My current woman and I get along just fine. I do lick her after I've shot in her but it's my cum so I have no problem with it. She's caught loads in her mouth and shared them with me, she doesn't have a problem because it's my cum. Haven't actually told her I shoot it on food but I have joked about "adding to the mayo" on a sandwich. She laughed but the idea didn't seem to bother her.

As long as it's mine I have no problem licking or eating it.

So one day while i was heading back home from work, my gf and my friend were at my place. he had recently gotten out of jail. when i checked the recent documents, i seen that a porn was on 10 minutes before i got home. i assume she sucked him off quick. i really need help finding the name of a porno. im gonna show it to her than force her to fuck me and 2 friends as punishment. The things I'm sure of are:

1 girl 2 guys
she got held up in the air and sandwiched dp'd between them
they stuck a metal butt plug in her while she was bent over on a stool
Movie title was 4 or 5 words

Things I'm pretty sure of:

fishnet stockings and or leather
movie title started with a P
Probably came out in 2010

My wife sandwiching his cock with her fat titties. 
Do you want to see her fucked to shrieking orgasm?

Getting death threats from inbred white supremacists on this board is almost as funny as getting death threats from Muzzies for drawing pictures of Muhammad fucking a dude while eating a bacon sandwich.

i confess that i used a cucumber to masterbate and didn't have time to wash it before my mum made sandwiches for the family :S

hottest bestiality story ever?

dog Rapes Woman

Archive name: not.txt (F/beast, rp, v)
Authors name: Kellie C. ([email protected])
Story title : Not a Woman's Best Friend
--------------------------------------------------------
This work is copyrighted to the author © 2003. Please
don't remove the author information or make any changes
to this story. You may post freely to non-commercial
"free" sites, or in the "free" area of commercial sites.
Thank you for your consideration.
--------------------------------------------------------
Not a Woman's Best Friend (F/beast, rp, v)
by Kellie C. ([email protected])
***






You know all those stupid Internet stories floating around about how women like having sex with a dog and they have great orgasms and end up not only fucking them but sucking their dicks? What absolute bullshit! This is a more realistic story.
***


My name is Christine and I was raped by a dog. I was thirty-two years old at the time (I'm thirty-five now) and living twelve miles east of Seattle,
Washington. The only reason that I'm telling you this is because of all the stupid Internet stories floating around about how women are won over by having sex with a dog and have great orgasms and end up not only fucking them but sucking their dicks. That is such bullshit.It was a Saturday morning and I was cutting my lawn. The house I was renting had an attached garage and a medium-sized yard. It wasn't the greatest house in the world--or
even in Seattle--but it was clean and well maintained and it fit my budget. I was mowing along the front sidewalk, made a turn back toward the house when the sound of a car's tires screeching on the pavement behind me made me jump. I turned around quickly, half expecting to see someone flying through the air, but it wasn't a person at all, but a dog.



He had come out of the woods across the street and tried to cross the road; now he stood just inside the verge of the woods again, looking back over his shoulder. His ears were laid back on his head and his tail tucked smartly
between his legs. The driver laid on his horn, yelled at the dog fiercely, and then sped away. As the car drove out of sight, the dog cautiously reemerged from the woods and sat down on his haunches. He was a black Labrador Retriever, a big one, and he watched me with a dog's typical aplomb, ears pricked up and head canted to one side as though wondering what I was doing over here. I had never seen him before and guessed he was
lost. I called to him and it was obvious that he heard me, but for some reason he ignored my call and I thought, Well fuck you too, doggie, and went back to cutting the lawn.



After finishing up, I went into the house and made myself a roast beef sandwich with a cold glass of milk and watched the noon-time news. Just as the news was going off, I heard a dog whining outside my screen door and I
went to have a look. Of course it was the black Lab."Hello," I greeted him. "You decided to be social now?"He was bigger than I had originally thought, at least 120 pounds, and although he didn't have a collar on, from his appearance it was obvious he belonged to someone. He was lost all right. His owner was probably looking for him now or would be soon enough. In the meantime, he looked pretty thirsty and I went to the kitchen and got him a bowl of water. When I set it near him on the porch, he backed away and wouldn't touch it until I went back inside and closed the screen door. "You are the weirdest dog I've ever seen," I said. This from Christine the expert, who'd never had a dog in her life.



I leaned against the jamb and watched him lap the water. He was watching me back. I tried talking to him in a soothing tone of voice, but he remained just as wary as ever. When I pushed open the door, intending to join him on the porch, he backed away and headed down the steps, took off at a run across the lawn. Just as he neared the curb, however, another car came around the bend going way too fast--as usual--and for a moment I thought the dog
would panic. But the driver laid on his horn and doing a one-eighty, the Lab bolted back towards my house, darted in behind the row of hedges beneath the front window and let out a frustrated woof! He just stood there panting.
If I don't do something soon, I thought, this dog is going to get killed. Not really sure what I was doing, I picked up the empty bowl, refilled it at the kitchen sink, then walked through the garage to the side door, opened it and set the bowl in the doorway. Then I walked a short distance away. "This isn't going to work," I grumbled to myself. "He wouldn't even let you near him."
A few minutes went by and the dog ventured far enough out from behind the bushes to sniff the air and observe me with his impenetrable black eyes. I couldn't help it, it made me shiver. I backed up a step and thought, Maybe
this is not such a hot idea, Chris. Maybe you should just go back inside, lock the kitchen door and call the damn pound.



But before I could reject this idea as plain old school-girlish silly, I heard the phone ringing and went back inside to answer it. It was Jean Michaels, a friend from New York with whom I hadn't talked in a long time. As I chatted with her gaily for the next half an hour, I watched through the open kitchen door. The dog never came in.
-- -- --



I shut the garage door and locked it. It was quarter to two and although I'd looked for the Lab all around the house and inside the garage, he was nowhere to be found. He'd done whatever it is lost doggies do, I guess...
gotten lost even more.Disgusted with the way I felt, I took a shower, toweled
dry, and put on a bathrobe. I was drying my hair when I thought I heard a noise from the garage. Not barking, but like someone thudding against the closed kitchen door. Armed with the blow dryer, I went downstairs and tip-toed cautiously through the living room and out into the kitchen. I could here him whining just outside the door. "Well, shit," I said aloud, at the sound of which he began to whine even louder and started a scattershot scratching at the door with his claws."Hold on, hold on," I said, wondering how he'd gotten in. I know the garage had been empty when I'd gone in to take my shower... at least I thought it had. He must have been hiding. Yeah, I thought, he must have been hiding.Opening the kitchen door just a crack, I watched him back
away to the far side of the garage and drop to his haunches. The water bowl sat empty beside his left paw. I had forgotten about it left it just inside the door. "Weirdo dog," I said.



Stepping into the garage, I closed the kitchen door behind me and predictably he got up and moved cautiously away to his tight. "You don't trust anybody, do you boy? Or is it just me?" He sat down again and watched me with
those polished black eyes. And then he growled.If I had been nervous before, now I was scared. You never showed fear to a dog--that's what I'd always heard--and it was obvious to me why. They can smell it on you. I clutched the bathrobe closed at my throat and took a wary step backwards, and as soon as I did this he rose and stalked two paces forward, teeth bared."Nice doggy," I squeaked. "Grrrrrrrrrr," rumbled out of his throat, low, deep and menacing. He took another pace forward, dropping lower to the ground and showing all his teeth. If I made a run for the kitchen door I knew he'd be all over me before I got three feet. "What's going on boy?" I said in a small, quavering voice. "You gonna hurt me? I tried to help you, you know." I was standing with my back against the side of the garage before I knew I had been moving. He approached me from my right, herding me away from the kitchen door,
toward the corner in the rear. I was terrified now. I was beginning to panic.
"Nice doggy," I squeaked again. "Nice puppy dog, doggie." Only this dog was anything but a puppy. He was a demon in black fur.



Refusing to be cornered like the desperate animal I knew I was becoming, I angled away and moved toward the center of the floor. The dog didn't like it much, but he let me do it. I began to think--pray--that he'd let me go all the way to the outside door and go through it. Just as it appeared he'd actually let me go, in a terrifying blur of motion, he leaped at me through the air. I shrieked and put my arms up but the force of his lunge knocked me to the floor. I banged down on my back striking my head on the concrete and hot sparks erupted like a 4th of July fountain across my eyes. My vision doubled and became alarmingly blurred. When it cleared again--too late--I found he had straddled me, fangs bared just inches above my throat. I was going to die.
But the dog had other ideas."What do you want," I pleaded in a tiny, terrified voice. My bathrobe was open, leaving me fully exposed. His hot wet prick dragged back and forth across my uncovered stomach, making me shudder and want to scream. At first I didn't even know what it was. When I finally did, in that same tiny, terrified voice--terrified now for an entirely
different reason--I protested, "No way!" and tried to scuttle away. He took my throat in his teeth."Okay, okay," I breathed with my eyes clamped shut.
"Whatever you want." I relaxed myself with a titanic effort and spread my legs. Again, the dog had other ideas. He released my throat and growled."What?" I was honestly baffled. He growled again. He made circular motions with his
head... I swear, he actually did this... and I slowly got the message. "On my knees?" I quavered in disbelief.The dog, who was not a dog at all, but the aforementioned demon from hell, nodded his head.



"You want to mount me?" A breathless whisper. He nodded again. I rolled onto my stomach and started to get up. Before I could get all the way up onto my hands and knees he batted my on my rump with his snout."What?" I was beginning to think I was already dead. Or in some nightmare dream caused by the concussion to the back of my head. It really ached. He growled and shook his head sharply to the right. Away from my body. And suddenly Iunderstood. "This is not real," I whispered. "It can't be real. It can't be. It just isn't happening." He wanted me to disrobe.Rising erect from my knees, I slid the robe back over my shoulders and let it fall into my hands. I began to bring
it around when he snatched it roughly away from me and flung it across the floor. It landed near the garage door with the arms in an out-flung, helpless gesture. That's how I felt--totally helpless. I was naked with a dog.He batted me again with his snout."What?" I objected, beginning to loose my cool. The
crippling shock and disbelief had begun to wear off and I was becoming rebellious. Damned if I was being corralled by a dog.



Suddenly he was up on his rear haunches, one talon-clawed paw on either of my shoulders and the back of my neck clamped firmly between his teeth. His breath flowing around my neck was horrid. "Okay, okay," I acquiesced. "I get the point." Then, as the powerful muscles in his jaw began to clamp shut on my neck, "Please! Anything you want!" It was a short-lived rebellion. He dropped back to all fours and so did I. He sniffed me up and down my flank and licked my right cheek. I took it. He snuffled into my right ear and bit lightly at the
lobe and I took that too. All the while I smelled his graveyard breath. What the hell was he doing? For a moment neither of us moved. He stood there panting, beside my right shoulder, facing me, and suddenly I understood. This was some kind of dominance thing, what I had occasionally seen one dog--presumably the alpha male--do to another. He was doing it to me. I got it, I
thought. Loud and clear. You're the alpha. I'm the bitch.Satisfied (he read my thoughts in my body language, there's no other explanation) he grunted lightly one time, then went to stand behind me. I stared straight ahead panting. He had really hurt my neck. Good luck, Christine, I thought. A dog is about to fuck you.



He sniffed at my pussy (I hate the word with everything I am, but I just can't think of a better one to use), then snuffled it like he had done to my ear. I tried not to jump but the shock was just too great. I gave a little shriek and sidled forward. He growled. "Fuck you!" I said vehemently under my breath. "I don't
like it, okay!"He obviously did, because a moment later his tongue went
from halfway to my navel all the way up the crack of my ass to the small of my back. This time I really did shriek and I surged forward in alarm. I also looked back over my shoulder in horror as ever nerve ending in my body jangled. It was like getting scrubbed by a warm, wet length of Scotchbrite.I didn't move. I didn't breath. I felt sick at my stomach. I wanted to puke. He licked my pussy again and I made a disgusting noise, something a real bitch might make. Tears leaked from my eyes and splattered onto the concrete below, sucked up almost immediately by the dust and porous surface. It wouldn't stay that way for long, not if I started bawling. When I started bawling. He lapped at me for a full minute, then two, getting me slathered up and absolutely raw. I felt every little sandpaper bead on his tongue and because I routinely shave to keep myself clean--I had done so only that morning--there was not even my wispy blonde pubic hair to offer any protection. My clitoris, my swollen outer lips, the mouth of my vagina, my urethra and especially my poor little anus all got the treatment. And the way he went after me with that tongue, with such unbelievable vigor--he'd driven me six feet or more across the floor--you'd think I was a sugar-coated treat. To him, I guess I was.Then he mounted me and locked his powerful forepaws around my waist and I squealed in complete and utter terror. He shoved forward with his cock, not so much searching for my pussy as dive-bombing it. I wailed again and tried to crawl away across the floor but he lunged forward over me and grabbed my neck again with his teeth. He bit down hard and growled an angry, you stay the fuck put! snarl, breaking my skin with his teeth--not deep, just enough to get his point across--and I could feel blood seeping out of the wounds. "Okay," I brayed. "I'm yours! I'm whatever you want! I'll do anything you tell me to! Just please, please don't hu--"



I sucked in an agonized breath as something hot and sticky and the size of a baseball bat entered my pussy. Then I shrieked and then I caterwauled--quietly, as those teeth still dug into my neck--and shook my entire body
trying to get him out. Instead, he worked himself even deeper."No," I sobbed. "Please no! Let me go!" Instead, I crawled forward under him six more agonizing feet until my head hit the back wall of the garage and then skidded
along its surface. I cried hot, sulfurous tears, the tears burning my eyes, my nose, the back of my throat. The thing in my pussy was hot and sulfuric too, pounding in and out of me, gouging at my vagina, assaulting me, destroying my sanity one thrust at a time. It was more pain than I could ever have imagined.
"Nuhungunaaaah," something inside me cawed. I was no more able to make coherent noise than I was of having coherent thought. I was a woman with a demon on her back... and in her vagina.



Trapped against the garage wall, I began to turn in against it. Splinters from the exposed two by fours gouged me wherever I rubbed against them. (I'd later look like a comedy skit from Saturday Night Live or Mad TV or something. The Splinter Lady, I thought.) But as the splinters attacked the side of my right hand, my right forearm, then my elbow, my upper arm and shoulder and finally my right hip and my thigh, the Lab continued walking me forward with his thrusts. I scraped against the plywood sheathing of the exterior wall,
encountering a second two by four, then a third, and finally a forth.Then I was in the corner that I had avoided so many years before--right where my doggie master wanted me--he banged me head first into the two by fours in the corner there, driving me unmercifully forward until my head had only one place to go--down and against the floor. I knelt there, jammed hard against the studs, my cheek pressed brutally against the cold concrete floor while the dog
banged and banged and banged away me.



By now I was sobbing so hard my chest felt like an exploding bomb. My entire being ached. My vagina was beyond repair and still the dog fucked me. "Please God, please don't let him do this to me," I kept saying, over
and over again. The words came out as something no human ear could ever have understood, except maybe God's... and I don't think God was listening.
Twisted with my head locked against the corner studs, I found myself watching between my legs as the dog wailed away at me. His cock was as big around as my forearm--my father's forearm--pasty white with a cobweb pattern of
vicious red veins. It was a foot long at least. It probably was longer. But terrifying as it was, what was at the end of it was ever worse. Because there, twice the thickness of the shaft and an even angrier red and white color, was a horrendous round knot. "No," I moaned plaintively as the dog continued to rut me. "I can't. I can't. No, no, no, please."But the dog told me I could and that I would and very shortly I did. I watched as the knot grew nearer to me with every thrust. Then the thing hit me with a sucking, slurping sound that made me retch with revulsion, stuck in me for a moment before he yanked himself back... and the wave of pain hit me like a Pacific tidal wave. On the fifth try he finally made it in and I was thrashing around wildly with the pain and making horrific noise and beating at his flanks with my fists. Then something hot and wet came cascading down my thighs and splattering on the concrete floor beneath our coupled organs, my guts cramped so violently that I screamed...
and then I was gone.
-- -- --



The dog was laying in the far corner of the garage, cleaning himself and ignoring me completely. On the floor beneath my crotch, where I expected a huge mass of blood, I saw something possibly even worse: a grossly-puddled mass of foamy, already crusting over semi-white fluid... his cum. I had been thoroughly rutted.I found I had bled very little. How he could have driven
such a huge and misshapen thing such as that into me without puncturing something vital or causing me to hemorrhage I don't know. Feinting when he reached climax must have provided me just enough flexibility to spare my
life. I think I sat on that floor for the better part of an hour, staring at nothing. My pussy ached and my guts were roiling inside and I felt numb like a block of wood. Never in my life had the thought ever entered my mind that a dog might actually fuck me. I had imagined it of course (I believe all women have) but imaginings are supposed to stay in the realm of imagination. Not show up in your garage. "I want to go home," I said. The words sounded so good to me, so reassuring. My home was only 15 feet away. But again, the dog had other ideas.



The second time he came for me I just let him. I got on my hands and knees, docilely let him mount me, then put my chest and my face on the cold concrete floor and held myself open for him with my hands. I didn't fight him at all. When he came out of me somewhere about halfway through, and mounted me in a different way, I shifted my hands to my buttocks and spread them far apart. It hurt his being in my ass (getting past my poor little anus was really
tough) but not as bad as I had thought. It was my first anal experience and he spared me the ordeal of his knot. The third time I lay on my back with my legs drawn tight to my chest and let him rut me like that. I think it was a new experience for him and I'm not sure he even liked it. Are you trying to breed me? I asked silently of his inhuman, polished black eyes. Am I supposed to have puppies? If so, It would be quite a litter. And then I had an orgasm. I didn't want it to happen. I fought against it with everything I had, but it was involuntary and unstoppable. He was doing me with such savage determination that I think I had no choice. He suddenly slowed down and his muscles tensed and by this time the pain from his knot had almost gone away. He prepared to unload in me and when his first shot came, hot and gushing and spilling out my cunt all up my thighs and down over my asshole, I could not stop. I came and he came and the two of us came together, him squatted over me not moving, just emptying his testicles of their unbelievable load. I clutched myself behind my knees and prayed for it all to end. His gushing, and my orgasm. Eventually, they both did. Then he was finished with me.
-- -- --



What happened to the dog? I have no idea, and I don't ever want to find out.
After the requisite fifteen minute wait, his knot finally shriveled and he pulled himself free of me with a wet popping sound and his cum--that part which hadn't already sprayed out all over me--gushed out onto my thighs and down between my buttocks. Such an awful mess. Then he hobbled to the opposite corner where he cleaned himself and ignored me from then on. He had gotten what he wanted and that was that. I cautiously got to my hands and knees and, risking another go at it, eased my way toward the kitchen door. I quietly entered the house and closed the door securely behind me, never taking my eyes off of him. He heard the door close but he never looked up. Later, once I'd cleaned myself up and then cleaned up the mess in the garage. I had my 9mm Glock with me then and just dared him to move. I would have shot him on the spot except that I'd have to explain and I would never do
that. I never saw the mutt again.I now live in Atlanta, Georgia, just about as far removed from Seattle as I can get. I live in a nice little, two-story frame house with a nice little garden out back and a semi-detached carport on the side. I also have a female Doberman Pincher named Mary that I know will never try to fuck me. I only hope some other dog does, just so I can set her loose on him.


THE END
Note: If you want to reach me I can be easily had at:
[email protected]


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Please keep this story, and all erotic stories out of
the hands of children. They should be outside playing
in the sunshine, not thinking about adult situations.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

atrape.jpg

My wife has 36DDs naturally, is size 5. She loves anal sex and I fuck her in every hole every time. She's into anything I want, she's also bi and has made me girl/girl porn with her teenage stripper friend. She's also actively searching out female friends for threesomes. She smokes weed, cooks southern food, is a former gold medal gymnast, and she was a trained sniper.

Maybe not a confession as much as bragging. I win, internet.

ps. she's currently making me a sandwich.

I have a fucked up confession to make. I found out recently that my girlfriend was a swinger in her past relationship. However what she told me and how she described it wasn’t much of a “swinging“ situation, more of being used as a sex toy by her ex.

Her boyfriend had got a promotion and won a trip to Mexico. After a long night of drinking and being presented with multiple awards at a Ceremony. He suggested Drunkenly started to hit on a slightly chubby woman who was there with her husband. Without consulting her, he invited the couple back to the room with them. When I was hearing this I was pretty shocked as I’ve always thought she would go pretty far sexually but She Is a shy girl I and pretty self-conscious about having small breasts and a very large behind. When she is very drunk though she starts to realize her “ass”et and has been known to pull up her skirt in public so I’m not surprise she allowed her boyfriend to pick up a couple but she said she did not find either the Girl or her boyfriend he picked out attractive. Her boyfriend didn’t care and invited them back anyway. Once back in the room her she said Her boyfriend just sat down in in a chair and whipped his dick while the unattractive guy and his girlfriend started to undress her and pull her into the bed. She said before she knew it she was face deep in pussy while getting fucked by a guy with a small dick from behind very aggressively. She describe the experience as overwhelming but She said she wasn’t having any fun and didn’t feel right. At the same time she was clear with me she Never told them to stop or that she wasn’t enjoying it. She says it that got much worse when the guy invited her boyfriend over for a “sandwich.” She then starts crying as she describes “I didn’t know what to do or what a sandwich was, But as I watched as he told his girlfriend to mount mine boyfriend. She obediently jumped on his cock leaned forward And whimpered as her boyfriend and mine “sandwiched” Her.
After a very short minute or two it was her turn she told me she didn’t know what to do but did just as she was told and after being double penetrated for a Long minute or two could feel the humiliating warmth of hot strange cum in her bum.

After this story we had sex and I’d be lying if I didn’t say I’ve been turned over and stared at that asshole thinking about her being used.

I went to a popular rest stop this morning. Sitting at a picnic table near a tree was this big, black trucker eating a sandwich.

I went in to use the toilets and couldn't keep thinking about how sexy he looked. It was soooo tempting to ask if he'd fuck me. The thought just wouldn't go away.

Never, ever have I done something so bold and daring. Not only that, I knew that he could just as easily beat the shit out of me if he wasn't interested. But I threw all caution to the wind.

As soon as I came out of the toilets, I walked up to him and said, "I've always wanted to feel a big, black cock in my ass." He practically choked on his sandwich as he turned to look at me. I thought for sure he was going to cuss me out or come at me with his fists.

But to my utter surprise and delight, he replied, "And I've been thinking how good it would feel to fuck some white boy ass." And with that, he wrapped up the rest of his meal and led me to his truck.

This was the first time I'd ever been in the back of a semi cab. It was amazingly "spacious" for such a tiny space.

That man fucked my ass HARD! He came inside me and spilled so much seed it dribbled down my legs.

I've never done anything so spontaneous in all my life. He didn't even use a condom and I regret that part. I will be checking myself for AIDS and STDs soon. But at the moment, I'm glowing from my own orgasm and I am thinking that the experience was so worth it.

He told me when he usually comes through this way. I am definitely thinking of meeting him again.

Ive been blowing my load in my bosses food items for weeks and she has no idea.

I keep it simple, I don't jack off at work. I jack off the night before and fill up a small syringe...... instant cum injector , I started out small . just injecting a small amount into sandwiches here and there to see if she noticed...nothing....So yesterday I decided to go for broke.
I filled a syringe with 2 loads, massive injection ready to blow

Heart pounding I see her at her desk enjoying her lunch sandwich and A Smoothie!!! Fucking perfect
Im constantly in her vicinity , cracking jokes, telling stories anything to get my mind off what im about to do.
And bam the phone rings....she turns her back ...I inject.

In an instant she will taste 2 loads down her throat.
she has no idea

I silently wave goodbye and she nods to me with a smirk reaching for her drink.

The picture is after she finished the smoothie.....she hasn't been to work since

I think I should lay off for a bit

i wish my mom was a slut. I want her to fuck dudes all night and cheat on my dad. I want to fuck my mom while she sucks a some dick in an MMF threesome.. I fantasize about running a train on her with very rough sex. I want to sandwich my mommy between big dicks, use her up for hours and overwhelm her with cock.

i want to turn her into a huge slut.

Saw the deli girl.again. Last time i posted someone thought I overpaid. She's a 23y/o goth with a pair of H's and a cute tight ass. A cock disappears between those massive jugs, let alone the sheer bliss of a pierced tongue. Half my age, low on funds, trust me it was worth it. I slipped her some cash on a break. We joked about my "vanilla" wife that looks nothing like her. Short, slim, petite redhead. She flat out asked if my wife even gives good head. Lots of BS, lots of compliments. Fingered her off and drained my load in her mouth.

She's clueless that she's a fluffer, she really thinks she's the side piece. Sure I could just jerk off and drain out but this is a whore I barely know sucking me off and swallowing just so she can  pay down her student debt. No offense to anyone's hand but I prefer her mouth. I'm not an asshole. I'll tease her an make sure she gets off too, but she's tasting my cum for the rest of her shift. Hell she told me she kept tasting my cum as my wife ordered the sandwiches last time. That she glanced over because the secret made her wet. And she almost burst out laughing when the wife asked for extra mayo...

30 minutes later I'm fully recovered, minus the swim team. So that evening I have a marathon with the wife. Lots of foreplay. Lots of fun. Different positions as I finger, lick, and fuck her past her limits. I know her. If she's horny or frustrated you won't pop she'll spread her ass cheeks. That small donation to the goth student fund and my oral deposit earlier means a few hours later my wife is beyond fucked, total.bliss,  bent over spreading her own cheeks while I lube her up. That's the best part. Mentally I'm switching between skull fucking a 23 year old and ass fucking a 48 year old and I'm empty so I can really pound it Jesus her asshole is tight. Makes me see stars on that 2nd pop. Makes her squirm knowing I finally popped and reinforces that for me to pop it's going up her ass.  Might have a stroke if I keep this up every week.

well i was in heaven dad had to go away for a week so left mum and me to our own devices, i was thinking now what i could do with mum,providing she was up for it,i was hoping that i could sleep with her for the rest of the week now,i also asked mum if she would wear a short skirt and blouse for a change so that i could look and see her nice plump figure, she agreed but said she had to go shopping so would have to wait until she got back from town,i said fine and she left for town.

i went upstairs into my mums bedroom and looked through her underwear drawer to see what i could find, i did notice that she had got some new toys, i never knew she had any, she had a vibrator which was about the same size as my cock, also i noticed some cock rings with various protrusions on them i thought they would rub her clit as she used her vibrator,after finding these i went back down stairs and just sat back and watched tv.

well mum got home about 3hrs later, i went into the kitchen to make mum a sandwich and a cup of tea she followed me in and start showing me what she had bought, which included new skirts, blouses and various pairs of knickers and bras, some for comfort and every day wear others were very sexy lacy numbers which i told her that she would look good in them,she looked at me and kissed me on the cheek and said thanks, mum agreed that we could sleep together that week, i smiled at her and gave her a big kiss full on her lips.

we un-packed all the shopping ate lunch and settled down in the lounge,mum said shes going up for a shower, i asked if she needed her back scrubbing, she smiled and said no and shut the door as she went upstairs, im in my usual teeshirt and jeans. well i got the shock of my life when mum came back into the lounge, she had makeup on which Ive never seen her in before, dressed in a short black skirt, stockings(i guess)white blouse, i could see her bra through the material of her blouse, and a pair of high heels(well they were high for mum)and she gave me a twirl, i said that she looked very sexy.

mum then sat down in the chair opposite me, so i could look and admire her mature curves,,it didnt take long for me at gain a bulge in my jeans just looking at mum, so i stood up and took my teeshirt and jeans off, leaving me in a pair of tight boxers, i noticed mum sit up to look at me, she licked her lips and put her hands down to pull her skirt up a little so that i could see that she did have stockings on, her hands were rubbing her inner thighs, revealing her little pair of lacy knickers ,,i could see her pubic hair either side of her knickers,she stood up and we moved closer so that we could kiss i felt her tongue deep in my mouth as i pulled mum towards me i cupped her ass with both my hands as we kissed i stepped back so that i could see my sexy mum i started unbuttoning her blouse revealing her matching black bra,so there's mum in just her bra a short dark skirt stockings and heels, and i knew i was going to have my hard cock in her hairy cunt soon, i unclipped her skirt so it fell on the floor leaving me to look at mum i her new underwear, and god did mum look good, she unclipped her bra revealing her large sagging tits (40"c cup)she moved her hands down to her knickers and rubbed her mound through her knickers i could see that she was now wet i knelt down in front of her felt her stocking clad thighs, and licked her now wet mound through her knickers she tasted divine i fucked my fingers through the knicker leg and explored her wet cunt with my fingers, i asked mum to get on all fours to which she did i knelt down behind her still wearing her knickers i moved closer so that i could guide my cock through the knicker leg of her knickers into her soaking wet cunt, the sight of mum in front of me taking my cock made me even harder im cupping mums ass as i pound her she moans as she feels my cock inside her it seemed like an age but i felt her gripping my cock with her cunt muscles, forcing me to shoot my cum deep into her soaking wet cunt, i withdrew my cock making sure her knickers stayed on and i wiped my wet cock into her very wet knickers we just laid beside each other kissing and caressing each other.i cant wait for the rest of the week.

I busted a load in my moms sandwich & watched her eat it she had no idea & I have it on video 

I need another woman to help tag team my husband. I want to sandwich his dick between 2 pussies and grind up and down. 

I confess I am grossed out.

My girlfriend called me into the bathroom to talk while she was wiping her ass.

What's worse is it was also "That time of the month" --she was on the rag.

I could tell you what the toilet paper looked like but then you'd never eat a peanut butter & jelly sandwich again.

Last year I had an arrangement with my son's coworker. His summer job was an amusement park. We have one of those early 90's conversion vans with  all the plush chairs and a fold down queen in back. I'd drop him off,  park in back by the trucks, and eat my breakfast sandwich. Sometimes I'd game on the xbox, or I'd link my phone to the screen and watch whatever. My son introduced me to Ava. 19, Latina, really cute but they're not into each other. She's in a different land in the park, later shift. She started tapping on the glass when I parked. She'd climb in, we'd game. At some point the arrangement happened. She'd flirt, I'd flirt, soon enough it was a few twenties that led to  topless edging and teasing that led right into a tongue and hand job and finally amazing head. She was 19, not even half my age, blowing it down her throat was incredible. Saturday morning was my highlight right up until winter when the park closed.

So yesterday, I drop off my son, park, start up Xbox and start on my breakfast sandwich and the glass taps. It's Ava. She jumps in. Lots of talking, lots of catching up, I didn't want to bring up  last year. 15 minutes in her hand starts to rub my leg and she brings it up. I was honest, I didn't know she'd be back today. I'm game but I don't have any cash. She laughs saying I'm lucky because she's horny. Clothes come off and she's just like I remember. Huge tits, lots of tongue, and titty fucking, and teasing. She comes up for air, keeps stroking, and pulls a rubber from her purse. I'm kinda sad, knowing I won't blow it in her mouth,  We never had one on before, maybe it's a new rule. As I'm thinking about it, she straddles me. I'm not huge, but I'm big enough to satisfy my partners. She was super tight, had to take it really slow. I kept gently edging her clit while she slowly slid me in. It started slow, got better as she relaxed, and when it finally picked up she started crying. I felt her tighten a few times, moans in my ear, clearly enjoying herself. I just kept pounding, taking her to the next wave. When she finally slid off, exhausted, she slipped the rubber off and started sucking between her tits. That's what I remembered from last year. Nice, sloppy, deep. She came up for air at a bad time. That suction pop, and her face was right there. I painted her face, 5 thick loads just dripping all over. She starts laughing. I ruined her makeup. She can't go to work with a cum face. I put my dick back in her mouth, let her suck the rest out. Honestly I didn't care, I just fucked a 20 year old past her limits and painted her face,  I laughed knowing I didn't need the condom, that's what her mouth was for.

So here's to next Saturday. Finally looking forward to it again.

Ok I hav already started drinking to much and he will be home soon so I am already in trouble so I am posting this question. Are ther any guys that like pussy better than shoving their dicks in your face down your throat? pleased don't get me wrong my man has great amazing sex with me just us two and with others and he does use all of me regularly but lately some of his friends that we let use and even abuse my body sometimes stop by have a few drinks and fuck my face then are too tired or limp to do anything els when I want two dicks in me eve though it hurts so bad I came when the sandwich me I really don't enjoy pain or cocks ramed inmy face shoved down mt throat but I do get so wet seeing feeling and hearing the guys enjoy me so much. I have bee told that a lot of guys like head so much because they don't get I enough? I have also been told that they love that I can take the whole thing but that not me its thrm shoving it in my face so how is it diffrent that otyer women? Sorry drinking hop you can understand this. I really want know if guys would more rather fuck a girls face tgan her pussy? I don't know ifwhat Im told is real because I really can't handle it that good sometimes the h a ve me puking all over the place soim not that good at it. Even college guys havesaid tgat my puss is really tight and I am always wet. So waht do you think? Pleas tell me caus I will probably br punishedfor this post

Life is Good

the country club that i work at was having a big event. and there was a crazy amount of leftovers -- delicious pulled pork, slaw, veggies, cakes, sandwiches, pastry etc.

I always walk around and ask other employees "Did you want to take home some pork? "

"Nancy, do you want to bring home some pastry or brownies for your parents and your your brothers?"

But after i know that everyone has gotten all that they want i grab it. And i grab all of it!!! Cause it's just gonna go in the trash.

"Call me the dumpster diver!" I often say to co workers.

So i have this obscene amount of food to share with my Mom and adult nephew.

So after work i do not have to go home and cook. And i enjoy that. i can just relax and drink vodka. Life is good.

So while having this feast i decided that i'd give a little to my favorite charity. My agnostic self donated to a Christian charity. I donated to a wonderful shelter that provides wonderful meal and housing to homeless people.

Not a lot of money. But it's better than nothing. It's what i can do right now.

I fucking confess that I just fucking finished eating a fucking Spicy Big Mary chicken sandwich from fucking Mary Brown's and this fucking sandwich was sooo fucking tasty

27/F. I confess...

I stopped to get a sandwich after work today. There was only one person working at the sandwich place, a cute young boy, and one other customer, an older lady who was yelling at him for things being slow. I gave the kid a sympathetic frown while I placed my order because he looked completely defeated.

The older lady finished and left before I was done and it was just me and the boy at the counter, so when I was done eating I went up and asked him if he was the only one working. He said he was, his manager never showed up and it had been terrible all day. I felt really bad for the kid.

I don't know what came over me, but I walked around the counter, grabbed his hand and led him to the stock room. I told him I knew what terrible bosses and angry customers were like and I wanted to make his day a little better, then I unzipped his pants, got on my knees, and blew him. He only lasted like a minute which I thought was kind of cute. I swallowed, stood up, walked out and went home.

Looking for a video.

Has anyone seen a video of a chick showing her pussy on webcam. And then she calls a guy from the background who was at a table and was eating a sandwich to suck his dick so she can show the other person watching.

In the end she shows the cum in her hand to the webcam.

Please let me know if it's linked elsewhere.

Camille came to work with me one day, a few months after we’d met. It was ladder work, which is why she wanted to come. I work alone mostly. And she likes being up on the ladder. I built a business taking care of people’s homes. When people ask me what I do for work, that’s what I tell them, I take care of people’s homes, but the real answer is so much more. On this day with Cam we’d be scraping window trim. But the next day is car transportation to and from the airport. And the day after is finding and fixing a small leak, but most likely replacing the dishwasher, and then repairing the flooring from the damage. Oh, and then I have to pick up clothes from a customer and allocate them elsewhere, but not before rebuilding a screen door and making and installing shelves for a local coffee shop. But on this day we’ll be on ladders scraping window trim. Which is why Cam wanted to come.

Cam stepped out of the bedroom that morning into the hall as I was exiting the bathroom. “How does this look?” She asked me. Referring to the outfit she chose to wear to work that day, she showcased it with an impromptu hallway-width catwalk turn. Unbelievable, I told her. “It’s not too long?” She asked. Referring to her skirt. Seems just right to me. Oh, good! She replied excitedly with a short hop and tail wiggle as she proceeded back into the bedroom to finish ablutions.

Camille is a short girl at five foot even, and very petite. She’s young and pretty with striking blue eyes and shoulder length dirty-blonde hair. But what attracted me to her most was and still is her playfulness. Cam doesn’t tend to take things too seriously, which I’m working on myself. Where I would maybe think far too long about something that simply doesn’t matter, Cam just goes for it and calls me a silly goose. And she’s got this ability to surprise me every time. Less so now as we’ve been together for sometime. But still from time to time she gets me. Like every day really. And to my weaning dismay, tending toward total approval to the point of following suit, ninety percent of the time her playfulness is sexual in nature, or rooted in some sort of sexual connotation. Sexual, kinky, naughty, taboo, and sometimes just downright filthy, she’s one hundred percent comfortable with her body, expressing herself sexually, speaking her mind, and she doesn’t wince easily. She’s a free flowing form of one hundred percent woman. She’s nice, she’s thoughtful, caring, loving, and an overtly naughty sex crazed being. Who wouldn’t love that.

For example: Now this is an extreme case, but it gives insight into who she is. Now let it be known, neither of us have a desire to play in this way, but Cam always jokes around in an attempt to push the boundaries, my buttons, and get me to loosen up more and more. SO we’re walking down the road one day and (Oh, God, I can’t believe I’m telling you this. Okay here goes.) So we’re walking down the road and I noticed some dried dog poop. I grabbed her and said, “Look out for the poop. Don’t step in it.” So she says to me, and I quote, “Dare me to lick it?” I’m like, Good Lord girl, no! “What’s the big deal? It’s just poop.” She told me. Question asked, question answered. - Now I need to tell you before I lose you here, this story is not about poop. I promise you. This is just an indicator into who she is. So Cam proceeds to get on her hands and knees, on the side of a fairly well trafficked road, and egg me on. And to boot, and I guess this is pertinent information, Cam doesn’t exactly believe in wearing underwear. I mean, she will if no other clothing is covering it. At which point she calls it outerwear. But if she’s wearing even the shortest of dresses or skirts, any other accompanying garments are out of the question. So there she is, this young, pretty, sexy thing, bent over on the side of a public road, her ass clearly visible to anyone who happens to pass by, daring me to dare her to lick dog poop. And if I say something such as referring to the fact that someone might see her. Her only reply ever is always in the vein of, let them see, somebody's gotta make the world a better place. It’s not that she wants people to see, or even goes out of her way to ensure that they do. But Cam is just being Cam, and what happens, happens. I aspire to her nature of play and carefreeness, especially when it comes to sex, or simply expressing myself. I’m getting there, and I’m becoming less reserved about it. That’s why I’m writing this. I told her I would.

Oh, good lord, she just came through the room, or pranced through is more like it. Panties on her head, and a bra around her crotch area. “Is this how you wear them, David?” She asked me. Um, no, but getting closer!

So we’re off to work. Now this is a real job with real work that needs to get done. Cam is a hard fucking worker too. Bright, intelligent, intuitive when it comes to getting shit done. What needs doing, where, when, how; all the things. This isn’t just play time. Or I should say, this isn’t solely play time. But as Cam says, most time is an opportunity for play time.

So we get to this house and Cam and I begin setting up for our day. Occasionally people are shuffling by. It’s a friendly town. We wave, they wave, we say hi, and so on. We get the ladders set up, the music going, and all we need is a tarp and some scrapers and we’re off. This is a mountain ski resort town in Colorado, so It’s a beautiful day. And increasingly so, the people in these towns, whether they be tourists or locals, dress more like they are on a beach in Southern California rather than at nine thousand feet. But the weather is conducive, so the attire is, shall we say, nice to look at because there’s less and less of it. Or as Cam points out to me, “she’s hot.” So despite what Cam is wearing, it really draws little to no attention specifically to her. Despite the fact that, “she’s hot too.” If you take notice, you take notice, but a short skirt is par for the course here. So up the ladder she goes.

No panties on, the view from below was, how shall I say this, enjoyable to say the least. And improved my typical workday by severfold. I’m being modest. It was fucking incredible. I’m a grateful guy in general, but this was like, “okay, I’m not sure how I conjured this into my life, but I’ll take it all day long!” She liked it, she knew it, she wanted it, but most of all, she enjoyed that I liked it. And liked it, I did. So much so in fact that I could hardly keep my hand off myself. In fact, the only time I did remove my hand was to take pictures and videos that we looked at together later. I’ll share one with you here.

Now I haven’t told you a story so far, rather, just something that happened. Setting up the scene so to speak. But what would a scene be without a story? I’ve told you about me. I’ve told you about my kinky little girlfriend. But what I haven’t told you might make your head explode. In the best way, of course. At least it made mine. But I’m vanilla, or so I think. I don’t know. You be the judge. But hang tight, it’s about to get good.

So we’d brought two ladders and set both of them up, but Cam insisted I be the ground person. Or that one of us only be on one ladder at a time. Because what I haven’t told you yet is that now it was my turn, and Cam made me wear very revealing shorts to work too. One of the ways we connected when we’d first met was our mutual dislike for wearing underwear. For me, when I was a teenager I stopped wearing briefs because I was chubby, and they were just uncomfortable. I tried boxers but still to this day I don’t know how people wear those things. They’re just so uncomfortable. So since I was fifteen years old - I’m forty-six now - I haven’t worn a pair of underwear one day. And Cam loved that. Easy access to the flopping penis, she tells me, is a wonderful thing for a girl like me.

So although rather uneventful in my estimation, Cam insisted that up the ladder you go, sir. Yes ma’am. So there I was, a dangling participle revealed for her viewing. And viewed, she did, with camera and all. That iPhone has an amazing zoom, she told me. Talk about uncomfortable. Cam would yell things below as people would pass by. “Throw down the hammer, David?!” Oh good lord. “”Hey, yur lookin’ good up there!” And, “David, do you need me to hold anything for you?” And, “Hey David, I think your balls are hanging out!” Some of her comments weren’t designed for cleverness, rather to provoke the passersby and embarrass me. It’s astounding what people don’t notice. I’m on a ladder with my giant old balls hanging from my tiny red shorts one block off of Main St. and no one notices even when she points them out. The irony being you know that if I were doing that and Cam wasn’t there…

I would throw comments up to her too in an attempt to out embarrass her. As if that were possible. I wasn’t quite as good at it though, and all I’d accomplish was to make her laugh. Which was awesome, but not what I was going for. “Hey lady, the moon is out!” Or, “I see you missed a spot!” I don’t even know what that one means. All Cam had to do was reference caulk all day. For me it was a bit more challenging. I either went from not making any sense at all to just embarrassing myself with all I was yelling up to her. “I see your butt!” And queue the disgusted look from the speed walker passing by. “Cam, I’m really not good at this, love!” She was literally crying from laughter at my stupid comments. And luckily she saved me by yelling out to the speed walker. Something to the effect of, “It’s okay, he’s a little retarded, but he’s got a nice penis!” Forgoing the caulk reference completely. The lady’s look turned from one of disdain to a crooked smirk very quickly. But then I got a good one in. “Hey Cam, I see a crack, do you want me to fill it in with my big white caulk?” Okay, when I say a good one, I mean a less retarded one. I know, we’re not supposed to use that word. But I don’t think mentally handicapped people meant, abolish the word completely. They themselves just don’t want to be called retarded. But me? I’ll take a little degradation. It’s fun for sex! And sex we did!

Cam’s skirt, per the way she liked it, would be pulled up high enough to where if you looked closely enough you could see her vagina. I know! Huh, funny. Cam and I are having a back and forth right now. When I type sometimes I speak it out loud. She loves that I’m writing this, but she’s correcting my sexual vernacular as I go. She wants me to call it a see-you-next-tuesday. No, she says. Arg! A cunt! It’s a cunt. Some people have vagina’s. Hers growls! Cam just growled at me. Lol. Anyway! The way she likes to wear her clothes is if someone’s going to notice, then let them. It’s such an interesting thing to witness though. Most people actually don’t. And the ones who do pretend they don’t. She’s not trying to cause anyone alarm or discomfort, and like I said, her attire actually blends in, but she is who she is and she enjoys pushing boundaries in herself. That’s what I love about her. Plus it doesn’t hurt that she’s stunning to look at for me. A very unassuming girl. And don’t get me wrong, it’s not as though she flaunts her vagi…cunt, but if that skirt flops just the right way as a set of eyes just happens upon a glance down there, you’re gonna pussy. She’s now telling me to call it her Baby-Boo. Oh, sorry. My Baby-Boo. Baby-Boo Cunt Muffin Sandwich. I don’t really know what that means but it all checks out to me! Now she’s trying to get in here to type. H afgd sh 78 39n87gdfs

Dear reedr SDg gbhbbkjcvkjbbbd

Good lord. She wants me to tell you what her cunt muffin looks like. Okay, I’m just gonna involve you on all the back and forth that’s going on here. Yes, I will tell them it’s young. Cam is twenty-three years old. We met a year ago. She moved in six months later. She does the dishes naked. She goes to the bathroom with the door open. She pees in the shower. She licks me everywhere. She calls her tits bumps because she says she doesn’t have any. They’re not boobs, they’re bumps. I personally love them. She’s now blushing. Wow, that’s a new one. And, yes, dear, her vagina is that of a seventeen year old hairless Mexican Chihuahua. I think those are two breeds mixed into one. She’s just being silly now. It looks like one of those pumped pussy’s. We watch a lot of porn together. Pumped pussy is actually quite hot. Hers looks like a hotdog bun. She’s telling me to tell you this. I personally think it’s more the length of a hotdog bun, and looks like a shaven pumped pussy. Cunt-Muffin, sorry. Anyway, It’s long and bald and quite puffy. And it jiggles when you smack it. But I’m not kidding, it’s really long. Like all the way from normal clit positioning to her asshole. She’s giggling now. Which brings me back to my point. If Cam bends over in public, game over. There it is. She’s telling me to call it her pussy.

Wait, so your vagina is your cunt and your asshole is your pussy?
Correct.
So what’s your mouth then?
You know what my mouth is!
Oh good lord. Okay, we won’t get into that. She wants me to tell you.
Tell them how you pee-pee in me.
Dear Reader, actually, you know what, this brings me right back to the story.
Yay, she says.
Okay, so.

We’re on the ladder. No, she’s on the ladder. She’s got me flustered now. Cam is on the ladder and she says she’s got to pee. Now I never know what to expect from this girl, but I know, it’s typically never what I thought. Because when I expect a torrent of piss to come flooding down from above, no. Instead what she does is pee into her empty coffee mug on the window ledge and hand it to me. Naturally I say, what now? Whatever you like, dear. What do I like, I wonder. I’m sure she’s wanting me to drink it. And honestly, it didn’t bother me all that much. But what I really wanted to do was shock her. Show her that all is not lost and I am learning to misbehave. So I dipped my cock head in and filled it to the brim. Took a sip and climbed it back to her. Okay, that was hot, she told me. But Cam being Cam, she finished it in several gulps, put the mug down and continued scraping. “You just drank piss,” I told her! To which she responded, It’s hot up here, and kept scraping. That was our first experience drinking from each other, it came out of nowhere, and it got me like nothing ever has before. I was instantly hooked. It was the hottest thing I’d ever seen a woman do. It spoke to me sexually in a way nothing ever had before. It was almost addictive to the point of definitely wanting to explore it more rather than less. And we explored. We are exploring now as I type this. Now it seems all we do is drink each other's piss. Which I gotta tell you, it’s the last thing I thought I’d ever do, (to drink and be drunk from) but the thing I’m enjoying the most. It’s intoxicating in a way I cannot quite sum up in words. Cam says, try it! You’ll like it or you won’t. Cam says make sure you drink lots of water. I agree. Drink lots of water if you’re going to piss in your girlfriend’s mouth, and vice-versa. But we drink so much pee that it’s hardly even sexual anymore. Cam says, “turns me on!” I agree, it turns me on too. But it’s more utilitarian at this point. We spend a ton of time together. That’s not to say we don’t spend time apart, but we’ve learned to love and more so, accept each other as is, so it’s fun. We can just be who we are with each other. And who we are has turned out to be a pee drinking couple, among other things. And we drink a lot of pee. We literally just drink from each other all the time. I don’t use the toilet anymore. And neither does she. We either pee in each other, on each other, in glasses or on ourselves. To which Cam just made slurping noises with her tongue out. Oh Good Lord. Okay I’m getting turned on now.

We share a lot. We’re both artists, we enjoy similar things such as peeing in the shower. I’m joking, not joking. But I think my point is that we enjoy being apart just as much as we enjoy being together. Because we enjoy what we do separately too. So when we come together, it’s from full and enjoyable lives that we love. But pee, right. It’s utilitarian at this point, but no less hot. We just pee anywhere all the time. Sometimes even without provocation or foresite. We’ll just be walking along the road and there’s piss running down Cam’s leg. Or I will pee my shorts while sitting across from her drinking our morning coffee in the garden. But most often we’re drinking it. I’ve drank so much of this girl’s pee I hardly drink anything more. And even when I’m drinking other things, Cam pees in them for me, and I in hers. But I think our favorite is directly in our mouths. And there’s no asking anymore. I got over that months ago. I just pee. No asking, no wishy-washy, just simply pee.

Despite popular belief, when you drink water, pee tastes like water. We’re both healthy, active, relatively fit people. So nothing weird there, like no weird taste or disease or anything like that. It’s just pee! And I like pee. Cam likes it too. Even once, okay now bare with me. We pee’d each other’s clothes. As in, soaked them through. Now even though you might think this is getting weird, or, weird sailed long ago, it’s our thing and we enjoy it. But clothes soaked through, they then hung out to dry until we were ready to wear them out. I think you know where I’m going with this. Yes we wore pissed dry clothes in public. Cam just chuckled to herself. Yes, honey, I know. Cam likes the smell, but I don’t really think it does. Or if it does I guess I like it too. It’s just kind of nice in this crazy world to have a secret in plain site like that. We have friends, jobs, dreams, aspirations, family, all of it. But at the end of the day we enjoy the piss. Cam calls it piss more than me. I say pee. Dick wine. Bladder nectar. She’s giving me these names now. Urethra juice. She’s asking me to tell you what I use her mouth as. I’d argue but…it’s my urinal. Her mouth is my urinal. My colastami sack. My toilet bowl. Okay I’m done now.

So Cam is telling me to tell you other things but I think I’ll save that for another story. I have to admit, this was fun, and cathartic. She’s my catheter, she says. Okay, we’re gonna go now. Cam says please try drinking pee and that it’s good for you to try new things. She’s waving, bye. Okay, until next time. Pee you later! Bye!!! Bye!

I've always categorized myself as heterosexual, but lately I've had a few urges. I don't think I'd ever be with a guy by myself, but I'd love to suck a guys dick with my girlfriend of two years around. I'd love to get sandwiched between her and a guy, or have another guy fuck her in front of me. I'd love to be swingers, but she is very hetero and would NEVER go for it.

I confess I wanna make a sandwich with them (yes, it's her)

I confess, I am in my 30's and I'm still a virgin. Never even had any kind of physical contact with a girl. When I was in my 20's, all I wanted to do was stare at girls asses and imagine walking up behind them pulling their pants down and fucking them on the spot. I've wanked over tons of porn. But something I've noticed as late is that the older I get, the less it matters. I would just assume have a sandwich and take a nap then jack off. I mean, I really don't give a shit anymore. The odd thing about it is that I like feeling this way.

This is a story of a guy that followed me around the mall and kept trying to attack me one day. It involves a bit of sexual assault but not as bad as it could have been. Also I skipped out on a lot of the details, especially with the touchy parts, even though I remember all the details. If it doesn’t make sense I can describe a lot more detail in comments or PM, but I’m skipping a lot of details to keep it from being a novel (I tend to ramble if I get started). And I apologize for this being so long. I was typing it on a word document and then pasted it here and saw it was so insanely huge.
To be honest I’m not really traumatized by what happened, and the experience wasn’t remotely as bad as some of the people on here have gone through so I don’t demand sympathy. In fact I’m not even really bothered by it as much as I should be (Is that weird?). It’s something that only I (and I guess the guys involved) know about and I like to keep it that way, which is why I didn’t report it or anything. In writing the whole thing down it makes me realize that I was pretty stupid. After the first situation I really should have learned better than to let myself get into the others (you'll understand if you read it), but I guess I kept shrugging things off and assuming that I could get out of all the situations without making a scene and getting police involved, even though in reality I was just lucky every single time. It was really stupid of me to not scream and thrash as much as I could, I don't even know why I couldn't manage that. Still, luck saved me and for that I ended up better than a lot of other people, and so I'm thankful for that.
I guess I’m just writing it so that somebody random can read it, since I want to keep it secret from my real life. Again I don't know how much sense my writing makes, hopefully enough.
Anyway on to the story for those who care to read it:
It happened in spring of 2012. It was the day my older sister, Amy, was graduating high-school. Pretty much her grad events started at like 10 AM for group pictures in the sunlight and stuff, then they had a break for about 4 hours to do what they wanted before everyone had to meet up for the convocation part. My sister and her friends all wanted to spend the break at a nearby mall, since we needed lunch/shopping and had time to kill. My mom drove us all to the mall and dropped us off there, having to drive home to pick up my step-dad and younger brothers who didn’t want to come with us in the morning.
When we got there Amy’s friends decided it would be fun to go have lunch in the gas station in the same parking lot. It had a little A&W attached and they thought it would be hilarious to go to a fast food restaurant and eat gross food dressed up in all fancy dresses. We got our burgers and sat down at one of the tall round tables with the high up stools so that their dresses stayed mostly off the floor. I didn’t have that problem since it wasn't my grad, so I was wearing a moderately short minidress. It was black, stretchy, and had the zipper on the front. Big dresses aren’t comfortable, plus there wasn’t a chance of it being stepped on and ripped (which happened to one of them at the dinner).
We were eating our lunch in the corner of the gas station where there were like four tiny round tables. As we were eating two guys came in and got some food. One of them, a chubbier fellow with a thick beard and a hat, went and sat down at one of the other tables but the other one decided to stop and chat with us. I guess the outfits made it pretty obvious it was grad time, and Amy’s friend Christine was in a super friendly mood and more than willing to chat with him about how awesome of a day it would be, even though he was probably like 50 years old and looked like a cross between a trucker and a homeless guy.
That was all fine with me, I’m not a talk-to-strangers type of person but I just ate my food and didn't get involved, however I did listen in. It was mostly the greasy guy chatting about all his grad stories, girls’ dresses getting ripped, guys falling through tables, a couple fights etc. however there were a lot of mentions about how good looking the girls were back then, as well as a few random compliments about how good all of us looked. He didn't seem entirely creepy, just so friendly it was awkward.
Anyway after I finished my meal the guy got up and left the building (leaving his friend still at the table), and after drinking my whole drink I really had to go pee. The other girls were not finished eating (because they do more talking than eating) and so I told Amy I was going to the washroom really quick and she just said to hurry up because they wanted to go to the mall soon. So I found the bathrooms and went in. They were on the other side of the convenience store near the refrigerated drinks through a door and a little hallway.
I finished in the washroom and went back out, but jumped in surprise as I opened the door since the chatty old dude was standing right in the door frame, staring down at me. He was certainly not on his way to the guy’s room. He must have come back inside and noticed I had gone to the washroom and decided to come visit me. He was partly blocking my way out while I stood with the door open. I’m not stupid and could tell what he wanted me for, since he was very obviously undressing me with his eyes as they looked me up and down. His stare was so intensely penetrating that I felt like I was already naked. I felt tempted to just strip down right there to save his imagination the effort, and by the look on his face his imagination was already doing a good enough job that he might not even notice the difference.
I knew I was in a dangerous spot, but I honestly couldn't think of a good way to get out of it. He was a very strong looking person and I was certainly not, so if I tried to push him out he would just push in harder. He hadn’t tried to grab me but I was easily within arm’s reach, and it looked like if I tried to scream he could quickly shut me up. He was standing in the door so I wouldn't be able to slam it shut, and I didn't want to step back into the washroom and let him in. All those options seemed they would end with a smile on his face, and definitely not a smile on mine.
The weird thing was this guy didn't seem at all like the person who had been talking to us before. It was him of course, but his entire attitude seemed to have flipped upside down. He no longer looked remotely friendly or full of energy like he was before. He must be really good at faking a friendly attitude, or else has multiple personalities or something. Now he just seemed terrifying and confident, to the point that I felt like there was no hope of me getting away, and that I the only thing I was supposed to do was lay down right there and let him do his thing. That feeling came in waves, sometimes so strong that several times I was very close to simply giving in and saving the effort of trying to avoid something that seemed guaranteed to happen.
Fortunately for me I always snapped out of that feeling quick enough. I knew I had to get out of there, but I didn’t want to try anything that could make him get violent, so I decided to try just assertively walking out the door. I was hoping that he was trying to seduce me in a non-violent way and that if I looked confident about leaving he would let me go. He was only blocking half the door, but unfortunately when I tried to walk by he casually leaned his arm across to get in my way. I pushed on it a little but he wouldn't move, and instead used his other hand to feel down my back, quickly coming to rest on my butt. I was getting a bit scared with him touching me but I still hoped I could get him to buzz off.
“Excuse me!” I said to him in that bitchy tone that always comes with those words. I pushed on his arm again, and he definitely knew I wanted to go but unfortunately was having none of it. He just leaned in and his other hand made its way around the bottom of my dress. It didn't take long for me to realize this was a failed attempt so I turned toward him and smacked his hand away. He responded by pushing me up against the door frame, pressing his body against me while his hands ran down my sides.
(Anyway I’m sure you all get the general idea of where this was going. In the interest of keeping it clean and short I’m going to skip all of this part and briefly summarize. Also because I tend to ramble, so I’ll just skip it entirely.)
Pretty much I tried to keep calm and wriggle away ineffectively for a while. I didn't want to make things get violent since if he started using his full strength I wouldn't have had any hope of getting away, but when I wiggled my way out he just shoved me against another wall. He ended up getting more aggressive and I just got scared to the point of being practically motionless for who knows how long. He kept whispering insults and gross comments about me and for some time I was convinced they were true.
Some sense kicked into me when he pinned me up against the door and I turned the handle, causing us both to tumble down onto the floor. This was followed by a few struggles that nearly ended with him on top of me, but ultimately had me kicking him right in the face with my pointy heel. It was such a good kick that it pretty much reduced him to a crying mess (which he deserved) and let me get out of there. The whole time I forgot to just scream for some reason, but it turned out fine since he was the one left crying on the bathroom floor.
(It probably doesn’t make sense when shortened that much so you can ask questions in PM or comments and I’ll elaborate. If it weren’t for character limits I would end up rambling on with paragraphs about every moment.)
We left the A&W and I didn’t tell anyone or call the police, simply because I had gotten away before anything terrible happened and I really didn’t want to ruin Amy’s grad day by having the police come. Also because if I told anyone then everybody would be sympathizing and checking if I was okay rather than celebrating Amy’s success, which was something she desperately needed since she was kind of depressed. You can call me an idiot for that if you like, but at the time I thought it was the best decision and I really didn’t want to deal with the police anyway. I wasn’t traumatized or anything and I know it could have been much worse. Most of the stories on here are WAY more horrifying than what happened to me. I guess it was made a bit better by the fact that I gave him what he deserved in the end.
As I left the washroom I noticed the other guy was still at his table, finished his food. He was staring at me, but pretending not to. Since the two knew each other I assumed he must have known what had went on in there. Maybe he was keeping watch to make sure greasy trucker guy had me all to himself, or the more likely situation that he was waiting for trucker guy to finish so he could have his turn with me, in which case he was probably very upset that I was out of the bathroom, or that I was still wearing a dress! Either way I’m glad he was out here instead of both of them meeting me in there. I barely had it in me to fight off one pervert; had both come then I don't think it would have taken much convincing for me to do what they wanted. Then again maybe he was totally innocent and I was just being really suspicious.
We had to go to the mall to get movies and snacks for the next day, since the girls were planning to celebrate graduating by doing absolutely nothing productive for as many days as they could manage. We spent a solid half hour or so looking through a tiny local movie trader in the mall and while we were there guess who showed up? Greasy trucker guy! Sadly his face was not as broken as I had hoped it was, although there was a clear cut on his cheekbone.
Trucker guy came in and saw us looking for movies, and once again inserted himself into our group and started talking enthusiastically with the chattier girls in the group. I had resolved beforehand to not make a big deal out of what happened and I still wasn’t going to, even though he had deliberately pushed in between me and Amy to use himself as a wall so nobody would see him put his hand on my butt. I tensed up a bit but didn’t make a scene about it, since I had decided to not let what happened interfere with grad day and to be honest this was nothing compared to what he wanted to do in the gas station. I pushed his hand away gently a few times but it always ended up back right away, a bit more firmly each time. Eventually I just decided to put up with it for the time being and pretended to read some DVD cases. For quite a while he managed to carry on a perfectly friendly and innocent chat with the girls about what movies are good, all while stealthily trying to claw my dress up.
It was actually impressive how he managed to be so friendly when his only real motive was to cop a feel of me. Clearly I hadn’t given him as many of those as I was supposed to back in the gas station. I had resolved before not to make a big deal out of any of this, and if I could let the other stuff slide then this certainly wasn’t a big deal in comparison. He was clever and persistent, and subtle at least, and it’s not like anyone was noticing. Plus I didn’t think he could really do much more than that without drawing attention to himself, but that didn’t stop him from trying. I think he knew that I was never going to report him so he wasn’t afraid of doing this in public, and it seemed like he was going to keep trying to go further. I guess he had no reason not to as long as I was just standing there letting him do whatever he wanted.
I figured the things he started doing were getting so obvious everyone should have noticed, but none of the girls did and they kept chatting. To be honest I still wasn’t too bothered, since I knew eventually we would leave and nobody but us two would have any idea, however what worried me is actually getting caught like that since I didn’t want anyone to know that I had let some old dude grope me in public. I couldn’t tell him off without everyone knowing that, but I realized it wasn’t like he was going to attack me for trying to move away. I pretty much spent the next however long shuffling about the movie store acting interested in random things. He’d follow me around casually to put his moves on me but I never gave him a long enough before I went elsewhere. Eventually he got tired of not getting anywhere and said his goodbyes to everyone and skittered off.
After getting our movies we had to go to the attached Wal-Mart for snacks and all the junk food and pop we could find. We still had time before my mom was supposed to come get us so we killed a bit of time there as well, since we bolted through all the food isles grabbing stuff and had enough junk food to feed a fat army. We spent about half an hour going through the electronics section. My family used to play a lot of Wii games (and some Xbox) so we were browsing the games aisle for a long time. One of the girls decided to buy a DS game and went looking for the attendant to get it out of the cabinet. While she was gone Chris looked in the cart and decided we still needed Munchies. Since they were still waiting for the game they asked me to run and get some while they waited here so I headed back to the food section, snagged a huge bag of the stuff, and started back.
Walking down a main aisle again I looked ahead and noticed old trucker dude yet again. I realized at this point that he was going to keep following us until we either vanished or he got what he wanted. He was between me and the electronics section and hadn’t noticed me yet so I ducked into a side aisle full of furniture and decided to go around a different way so I could not have to run into him. The electronics were a section in the middle and I figured I’d just go around and meet up with Amy before he saw me, however when I got to the main aisle on the other side I saw him again walking down an aisle toward where I was. He still hadn’t noticed me since I saw him through the shelves but I still didn’t want to run into him so I went down another isle. We played unintentional cat and mouse throughout a good chunk of the store.
I ended up in a section close to the gardening section at the back corner of the store with the tall shelving everywhere. I figured by now he knew I was in the store and was looking for me so as long as he didn’t see me I would be fine. I was at the end of an aisle at the back wall. Nobody was around were I was and there were only a couple people down near the main aisle on the other end. One of them was trucker guy, wandering down the main aisle glancing down either side. The aisle near me had a bunch of bins and storage stuff and it was possible for me to look over them through the shelves and watch him. By the looks of it he couldn’t see me. I watched him stealthily since if I tried to leave the end of the isle he would see me. He looked back and forth a few times down the last aisle.
When he finally turned away and started down the other direction I breathed a sigh of relief. However apparently I was watching so intently I didn’t notice footsteps behind me until it was too late, and I suddenly felt two arms around me from the back. One of the hands covered my mouth for a time, although I tend not to scream when I’m scared anyway. After a few moments I saw the trucker guy turn around and head back toward me. I knew the person behind me was the other one from the gas station because I could feel his rough beard on my neck, and I figured they must have been trying to herd me away from the busy part of the store so they could trap me, which I apparently fell for like an idiot.
(Here’s another part that I’ll be skipping a lot of details on.)
I was still holding the bag of munchies in one hand for some reason, but the other was free to try and push him away, although it didn’t work. By the time I realized I’d never push him off like that, trucker guy showed up around the corner and I was immediately stuck between them. I couldn’t push away, there was nobody else in sight, and Amy would never look for me in this corner of the store, so I quickly resigned myself to my current role as the tasty filling of their human sandwich. Thankfully neither of them got to enjoy their filling for very long since we eventually heard loud footsteps from a couple aisles over. To be honest I hoped for a moment whoever was there would go away, because I didn’t want anybody to see what I was doing. Luckily trucker dude let go of me, walked over to the other aisle and started talking cheerily to the person there, leaving me in the arms of the chubby (less strong) guy.
He seemed to be under the impression that at this point I wasn't going to resist anything, so he wasn’t really restraining me. I waited a little while until he was not paying attention and smashed my elbow into the side of his head, and I was able to get away without giving trucker dude time to get back and put me back in my place between them. I even made it out with my bag of munchies. I was really lucky that person showed up in the next aisle, even though he hopefully had no idea what was going on, since without him I was completely expecting to be there until they got bored of me.
Neither of them really chased me, which is good because with the heels I was wearing they could have crawled and caught me. I guess they knew they failed and didn’t want to make a scene, and trucker dude knew I wouldn't make a scene on my own if they left me alone. I was in the clear again and wasn’t worried about them trying something in any places with other people so I resolved to stick next to Amy for good.
When I got back to Amy and the others, they were leaving the electronics and I gave them their food. I got a “What took so long” response, but I didn’t tell them that less time was spent getting the food than was spent trying to escape from touchy perverts. We went to the checkout lines but they only had one open and we had to wait in line for a long time.
Unfortunately I hadn’t seen the last of my admirer, and while we were standing in line I noticed him on the other side of the registers standing by the bathrooms staring at me. I made eye contact by accident and he nodded his head toward the bathrooms with a sly grin, obviously wanting me to join him (and probably his friend) inside. He somehow must have thought I was just playing hard to get, and just teasing him by kicking him and trying to escape. I guess in his backward way of thinking, being felt up in the gas station, followed through the mall, and grabbed at in the back of a Wal-Mart would fill any girl’s stupid, horny brain with such overpowering desire that I couldn’t possibly resist jumping into the washroom to let him finally have his way with me.
As sarcastic as that was, it’s a little embarrassing to admit that I was actually, for some reason, tempted to go over there, and I have no idea why I would even think that while knowing what they would do with me. Unfortunately for him I decided that it would be a bad idea to go into the washroom with them (duh). We all left together and as we walked past the bathrooms he didn’t look as disappointed as I expected, considering I was being such a fun wrecker. Maybe he still held out hope that I was going to give in to my lust and crawl back to him, but more likely he had gotten enough satisfaction from everything else that day even if I left without giving him the entire experience, although I’m sure his imagination had no trouble filling all the holes.
We left the mall and were picked up by my mom in her van. I sat through the convocation while my sister got her awards and diploma. It was all pretty boring to be honest; especially compared to how unpleasantly exciting my day had been so far. The rest of the day went really well and was lots of fun, however the whole day I kept thinking I would run into those guys again, since they kept finding me in the mall. While we were taking pictures outside the church where the convocation was I could have sworn I caught a glimpse of trucker dude in the far side of the parking lot for just a moment, although I was almost certainly seeing things as there was no way he could have found out where we were. Still I didn’t want to go and investigate on the off chance it was actually him, since there would be the remote possibility of being dragged into some white van to be used and left in a back alley, which really didn’t appeal to me.
By the end of the day I was past it all though and I was able to totally enjoy the dinner and dance afterward and have lots of fun. It’s not like I forgot about it, obviously I haven’t, but it wasn’t hard to deal with in the end. I’m totally okay and always have been, and I’m still confident I made the right decision in not telling anyone about it, even if everyone here thinks it was a stupid idea. It wouldn’t have improved my life to get the police involved, but it certainly would have ruined Amy’s grad, and I would have been a terrible sister and friend to do that when she was already so upset about her own life.
Anyway that’s the story. Hopefully it’s still good for this board. Any comments, questions, etc. are welcome. I’m totally good with just talking or answering anything because, as I said, I’m not traumatized by it

I confess my coworker asked me to make a sandwich for her a bk. I went into the walk-in, milked out a thick load, then left out and put it on the top bun with mayo for her whopper. Then I sat and watched her eat it. Wiping the mayo/cum mixture from her face with napkins

I touched my monkey once with sandpaper and a bologna sandwich.

I often fantasize about hooking up with another bi guy and using a bitch as our personal fleshlight. Fucking and pounding this toy as hard as we can with total disregard for it.  Completely ignoring its crys and screams while it's sandwiched between us getting assaulted. It's all about me and my l partners pleasure and what ever the toys state is when we're done oh well 

Hungry for a rasher sandwich lol

Now go get me a sandwich bitch

I confess, I just rubbed my precum on a female co workers coffee cup. if I had the time I would have but some extra cream in it also. if i can, i am going to get her lunch out of the frige and cum in her sandwich.

I spermed in my dads sandwich for revenge

Earlier today I was at a friend's house, and I have a major crush on his wife. She's a beautiful 😍 modest woman with a great personality. Anyway, when I went to the bathroom I saw one of her bras in the basket. It was a dark tan colour, complementing her skin. I shoved it into my pocket and went into the bathroom. While there I pulled out my dick and rubbed it all over the inside of the cups! I got real hard thinking that my dick was touching the place where her breasts and nipples were. Then I put my nuts in the left breast cup in my pants, and sandwiched my dick with the right one, masturbating with it. It had pads and felt so good knowing that I was using her intimate clothing in this most erotic way. She would never have approved! I didn't blow my load because it would have taken too long.What should I have done?

Came in her deli sandwich without her knowing and watched her eat it 

i want some Chik Fil A too bad theyre closed on weekends oh well i'll just make a homemade chicken sandwich startinh from scratch including killing my own chicken ;)

I CONFESS MY LUNCH WILL BE TWO TASTY CHICKEN PARMESAN SANDWICHES TODAY

I confess the best thing I ever did was embrace myself as a bi-sexual. I met two gay guys who are both trannies, and hot as fuck.

I really enjoy fucking one up the ass while being ass fucked at the same time. Amazing orgasm. Sandwiched between the two.

Plus I've began to enjoy the feeling of being cummed inside.

My girlfriend's friend has been staying the night at our place every now and then. And I want her so bad. One night I went to the kitchen for some food. Well I found hers and couldn't resist. So I jerked off into her sandwich. And then the next day she said her leftovers still tasted good. Whiles they are away I go through her bag. I usually don't find anything. But I'd found her thong. So fucking sexy. I sniffed them and had to masturbate right away. I came all over them. Hoping she would find out. But nothing was ever said. I then got really horny one night. I knew she was gonna stay the night. So I went and set up my old phone in the bathroom. As soon as she got home. She went straight to the bathroom. She was in there for awhile. So I got scared. But when she got out she didn't say anything about it. So I went in next to take a shower. I was so excited to finally see something of her. I checked my phone. And boom. The video stopped recording after 15 or so min. I was sad. Well just the other day she stayed the night. And I had to be up early for work. I sat right next to her while she slept on the couch. I would poke her arm and see if she would wake up. And she never did. So it was my time to shine. I slowly put my hand on her tit. It felt so amazing. Feeling her nipple was amazing. Then I got cocky. I then pulled down the blanket. And put my hand up her shirt. I was feeling both tits now. I decided it was time to start sucking on them. I was only licking them to start off. Then she moved. I froze. She opens her eyes and loos right at me. Then pulls her shorts a little down. Then passes out again. I had 30 min to leave for work. So I pulled her pants down and started to rub her clit. She eventually became wet enough to let me start fingerings her. She started to thrust and so I kept going. Then boom. Her alarm goes off and she wakes up. With my fingers still inside of her I freeze. She pulls back and starts to get up. Almost like running away. She gets to the front door. And stops. She looks at me and says "next time wake me up first" then she comes over and kisses me. And says "you should get to work" since then she has been on vacation. She hasn't texted me or anything. But she did come over to hang out with my girlfriend before she left. And all she said was. I can't wait to stay the night again. And I think my girlfriend might know something. Because she smacked my ass and then her friend did too. When my girlfriend kissed my cheek before leaveing. Her friend did the same thing on the other side at the same time. Let's just say I'm pretty excited for what is about to hapoen

I confess I just had the following for lunch at McDonald's: a Southwest Crispy Chicken Sandwich, a Garden Salad w/ Caesar dressing, and a Raspberry Chocolate Mocha

For the past couple of months I've been meeting with a black hooker for amazing blowjobs, it all started with every husbands complaint of after a few years of marriage the sex starts to tapper off. So one day I was super horny and put an add on Craigslist looking for an NSA blowjob, I got a reply from a young black girl who was very close to my work and could host, she claimed she wasn't a full time hooker but just down on her luck and needed some cash. We agreed on $40 for 15 minutes and I got to cum in her mouth.

It was great, so I met with her a couple more times, but at $40 bucks a pop it was adding up, so I struck a deal with her and got her down to $20 every time but I guaranteed I will meet her 5 times a week. Since then I've also managed to basically convince her to let me do anything I want to her mouth for that
15 minutes, and have even gotten her to dress up, or get naked and have been fingering her at the same time.

Since I need to fund this somehow I've stopped eating out and started bringing a bagged lunch, in return I've lost weight from eating better, my boss has noticed my production go up because I tend to only take 5 minutes for lunch plus I'm not tired in the afternoon from a big steak sandwich or something, part of that to is the fact that around lunch I start getting super horny as I email my latest request to my little cocksucker and tend to stay at my desk secretly stroking my cock in anticipation of the afternoons fun to come instead of checking out the office girls all afternoon.

Also right around 7:00 or 8:00 in the evening I start to get horny again thinking about all the dirty stuff I've been doing to this girls mouth and get in the mood, I can't go meet her again so the wife will do. We've been having sex regularly again and because I get most of my perverse cravings taken care of elsewhere I don't mind a little love making, which in turn makes her happy and makes her want to do more for me. This past weekend she surprised me by dressing up slutty and taking it in the ass, which is usually reserved for birthdays and anniversaries.

Recently I've also been conversing with my blowjob girl and have found she rather likes our agreement as she gets some guaranteed income, she knows I'm married so STD free is very important and the fact I'm a good looking guy with a nice, manicured cock makes it enjoyable for her, plus I get her little gifts here and there and am respectful of her boundaries, which quite frankly are non existent when it comes to blowjobs.

Mondays are my favourite because I'm usually having withdrawals and after a couple days of not cumming I have a big load saved up to make a mess all over my little sluts face. I've
already started stroking under my desk so that I have a big, juicy load for her, now my biggest dilemma is to decide what I want to do to her today. Her deepthroat skills are amazing and recently I've been blowing my load when I'm balls deep in her throat, and she able to swallow it without so much as wince, and absolutely no gagging, so maybe that.....

Last week was a amazing, the one day I was in the mood to have her hang her head off the edge of the bed and fuck her mouth, she obliged and I finished all over tits while fingering her. Another day I asked her to put pig tails in her nappy hair and too much makeup, again she obliged and I sprayed a huge load all over her face.
On a few occasions I had her put her tung out for me to fill with cum and then have her swallow it in one big gulp, and all with no complaints.

Friday afternoon I had her sit on the floor up against the bed, I put one leg up on the bed and fucked her mouth with instructions to let my cum dribble out of her mouth onto her tits when I finish, but this time I requested that she beg me for my cum, she was good sport and was very convincing
In her request to "fill my slutty little mouth with cum", and "let me taste that juice".

So now I'm trying to think of new scenarios to try with her, any reasonable ideas? And there is no sex, only oral........

I’d say its been 8 or 9 years since the last time I rammed a stick of butter up my ass while jerking off and fingering my asshole. I did it because it felt really good but that’s not the point of this story. I want to tell you of the events proceeding this fateful masturbation.

I’m sitting there watching The Fresh Prince of Bel Air and around 15 minutes go by and I feel a sticky wetness on my ass cheeks and ballsack. This is when I realized that the butter I had shoved up my asshole had melted and leaked out onto my couch and it had a very distinct putrid stench to it. It had mixed with my shit to create something far worse than shit. It was probably the worst thing I’ve smelt in all my life. It actually smelt many times worse than the time I had stuck a pickle up my asshole and forgot about until the morning after.

While standing there taking in this wonderfully putrid smell I realize that I cannot be the only one to smell this. So I waledk quickly upstairs with my ass cheeks clenched not wanting to spill a drop of my shit butter. I pull out from my sock drawer a heavy woolen sock and unload the contents of my asshole into it. I thought the smell was bad before. I now had the urge to do a barrel roll out my window to escape the horrid odor. I quickly tied the top of the sock and left my house.

As I walked down the street a brownish-yellow liquid slowly dripped from the bottom of the sock. The neighborhood kids became very curious as to what was going on and as they approached they caught a whiff of the putrid smell emanating from the sock. This is when Joanna, my neighbors 13 year old daughter vomited what looked like a freshly eaten peanut butter and jelly sandwich all over the street. I nearly came in my pants at that moment. I had the sickest hard on. In fact the only thing keeping me from raping Joanna while she lay in a pool of her own vomit was my sock full of shit butter. I knew I had something to do and I was damn sure going to do it. I kept walking.

I finally made it to my local grocery store. An epic journey it had been. Every asshole in the vicinity could smell the putrid odor but nobody knew where it came from. I can still hear them in my mind. “What the fuck is that smell.” “This smell is so bad I think I am going to kill myself with a hammer” one man said. I even saw a fellow depraved maniac in the corner of my eye. I could tell because he had the same smile that I did. He was laughing with the same glee. I’m sure he’s raped a severely mentally challenged child in his lifetime. I know I have.

That’s when I saw him. The old nigger who sat in front of shoprite saying hello to every asshole strolling by. I fucking hated this man. I couldn’t tell you why. I just hated him. He could smell my shit butter. I could tell because he was gasping for air. I quickly approached him thinking “this will be the greatest day of my life. Nothing could stop me now.” This is when I felt a sudden burst. I realized later that I had shot a load off in my pants right at that moment.

I was arms length from the nigger now. I clenched the sock tight with both hands and swung it at the niggers face with all my might. I hit him in the cheek with such force that the brownish-liquid had sprayed out all over his face. He immediately threw up. I sat back laughing as he washed out his eyes with bottled water. He asked “why?” and I responded by dumping the rest of the socks contents on his head. Truly, I did it for the lulz.

While everybody was distracted I walked into shoprite and quickly shoved as many apples as I could up my ass. It was 4. I left shoprite with the most satisfaction I have ever felt in my life. I remember thinking “wow, I’m such a great person, I get 4 free apples, and I get to go home and jerk off to old.”

When I think back on that day, I can always remember how sweet those apples tasted. Nothing sweeter.

A new meaning to putting a bit of cucumber in her tuna sandwich

Early today I went to the shop and bought a bottle of water. I drank it in the car ride home and then sat down to watch t.v. I was still thirsty so I went to the fridge and poured some milk and decided to make a sandwich. Their wasn't much on the television so I read a little bit and had a nap; after a while I woke up and took a shower and washed my hair. I read a little more and then I got online

  I have to tell someone. I can't tell my friends because I fear what they might think of me. At times I even think why didn't I do something, how could I have let this happen. I should have done more to stop this from happening. Then more times I'm thinking how fucken hot was that. I just have to get it off my chest.  My girlfriend, Karen, and myself had a vacation booked and we were really looking forward to getting away together, when disaster struck. COVID. It closed every country. When restrictions were eventually lifted, our relationship was going through a rocky patch. We decided that maybe a trip away might be the thing that would help us, but even deciding where to go caused trouble.  Karen comes from a well-to-do family and is use to the finer things in life. She wanted to go for two weeks to a spa resort in Japan. I'm into the outdoors. I saw this place, in  the Andaman Sea, which had these beach huts that I always wanted to stay in. We compromised, well I compromised, we said we would stay 4 days in the beach huts and then fly to the spa and stay for 10 days there. I was getting ready to book the hut when Karen saw the place I was about to book, she said " no way" "not a hope". She said, "I'm going to book the beach hut". I just said fine and left her at it. The hut she booked, did look better than the ones that I was going for, so we reserved it for April.We arrived at the airport and got through customs without a problem. Our taxi driver was in the lobby waiting for us, and led us out to his car. Once the doors of the airport opened, bang, the heat hit us. I thought that springtime would be a great time to go but what I didn't realize is that April is the hottest time of the year there and to make things worse, we arrived in the middle of a heatwave. The taxi driver told us that the night-time temperature only drops 5 degrees. It was 110 Fahrenheit/44 Celsius. It took us about the hour to get to our resort. We arrived too early to check in so we went for a walk towards the huts. One of them was being cleaned so we went inside to take a look. It looks nothing like the website. The windows and doors only covered by nets. There was a mattress thrown on the ground in the corner and the table to eat off of was in the middle of the of the room. In the back corner of that same room was a curtain and it was hiding a hole in the floor, that was our toilet and for the showers we had to go out the back of the huts to a communal site. Karen was almost in tears as she shouts "I'm not staying here." On the way back to the lobby I calmed her down a small bit. We checked in and I got the number of our hut. As we were walking out, a fellow with a very feminine voice asked the receptionist was she staying with us. He stops Karen and  introduces himself as the owner of this resort his name was Tommy. He said that he has a bungalow with a private beach that he is going to give us as an upgrade. I asked him how much extra will all this cost and Karen barks at me, " I don't care how much it costs we'll take it." Tommy leads her back to the opposite end of the counter and tells her that she's much too good for a hut. I see a smile on the face of the guy who originally checked us in. The good part about it was he didn't charge us anything extra. Tommy led us to the bungalow. WOW, it was stunning. Sitting on top of a small hill overlooking a beach with Coconut trees behind. There was absolutely nothing else around it. As he leads us into the bungalow the first thing you notice is that there are doors and windows which are covered by screens. A beautiful veranda, deck chairs and hammock. There was a room for sitting and eating with a bedroom off of it, with a proper bed. The bathroom had an open shower which drained into the hole in the ground that is used as a toilet. Karen loved it, not so much the toilet but everything else. I do have to admit, it was beautiful.The first thing Karen did was take a shower. Her outfit was drenched from the sweat. Her bra and panties felt like she took a swim  with them on. The first thing I did was head down to the beach, took a look around and saw nobody, took off my t-shirt and board shorts and dove into the water. Even the water was warm but, oh, how refreshing, a private beach. A little while later I see Karen looking down from the veranda, naked. "This is the life."In the evening we went to the bar and restaurant just beside reception. As we walked in Tommy comes up to Karen asking if she's settling in and guides her to the counter just totally ignoring me, having a 5 minute conversation, without trying to bring me into it. I don't know why but I just can't warm to him. I know he upgraded us but I think he's a bit creepy. I mentioned this to Karen over dinner but she totally disagreed with me saying he's the only reason we're still here. After dinner we went to the bar to have a few drinks. The place was busier than I thought with the DJ playing some nice music. There were a few couples out dancing so I asked Karen if she wanted to dance but she gave me the coldest, NO. We were just  about to head back home when Tommy comes over to the table and grabbed Karen off the chair and pulled her onto the dance floor saying to her "Mr Karen should have pretty girl dancing." There I am, sitting, watching the two of them. She totally refused me but there is no problem going out with her new bestie. They eventually come off the floor. Walking past the table, Karen said "come on we're going home." Tommy and her stopped at the counter, giggling with each other and then they inform me that we're going to a dance tomorrow that Tommy is holding at his club. Well, I see I have no say in the matter, so fine by me. He told us that he'll.. have the receptionist get a taxi for us and have the driver ask for him.It was unbelievable just how hot it is at night. I slept in the hammock with a mosquito net over it but it was a broken sleep. I'd be woken by Karen who would come out to try to sleep, like me in the hammock, but would never stop going on about it being too hot and she can't sleep disturbing my sleep. Her motto must be, "if I can't sleep neither can you." The day time was magical. We were laying around on the porch most of the time, heading to the water for a dip with one sexy looking girl next to me, with no clothes or bikini on.....NICE.... That evening we got ready to go to the club. The receptionist got us a taxi and off we went. We were being driven for about 30 minutes when the taxi pulled into an industrial estate stopping at this huge warehouse. The amount of people trying to gain entry stretched the length of the building. The taxi driver gets out and opened our door, leads us to one of the doormen, who checks us up and down before he talks into his shoulder mic. He tells another of the doormen to wait inside the door with us. I'm usually the one queuing outside waiting to get in, not the one being escorted in.We were eventually met by Tommy who was being escorted by 3 minders. As usual he completely ignored me and he went straight to Karen and was complimenting how she looked in her dress. I have to admit,  she was looking really sexy. All I could tell you about her dress was, it was a black very short mini, with shiny thin straps.  Tommy was spinning her around saying, " with that black velvet mini and crystal straps, that must be Magda Butrym design. ( I had to look at Karen's dress, just now, to see what name was on the label). Karen was delighted that he knew the designer of her dress and by the sounds of it, it's an expensive one. Tommy leads us into the main part of the warehouse and seeing the inside just confirmed what I thought. It's a Rave. The place was so, so crowded. There was a DJ on an elevated stage, the lighting was like something I'd never seen before. Colorful lights spinning and flashing to the heavy base sounds of some monster speakers. I don't know how much it would cost to get in but Tommy must have made a small fortune tonight. He brings us to the side of the bar whispered into the ear of one of the barman, turns to Karen saying, he'll look after us. He said to enjoy ourselves and he'll checkup later. I asked the barman for drinks and when I went to pay, he told me that Tommy doesn't want us to pay for any drinks. As I was bringing the drinks back to Karen, I noticed Tommy talking to group of guys and two of them turned and looked in our direction. Maybe I'm only paranoid but I don't like him. I said what I saw to Karen but she barks at me, "will you just stop being such a dick, he's a great person." We were just after finishing our second drink when Tommy and his minders came back to us. Again Tommy totally ignored me and was straight up to Karen wondering why she wasn't out dancing. He takes Karen's almost empty glass and hands it to me then leads Karen towards the packed floor. I put the glasses on the bar and followed them. One of the minders was pushing his way through and one more on either side was shielding Karen and himself from the dancers. They stopped, center of the floor about 6 people back from the barriers that were blocking the stage and Tommy started to dance with Karen. He stayed there for about 5 minutes and then headed off, with his minders, telling us to enjoy the night. People all around us were like zombies, just stairring up at the DJ, swooning to everything he said and dancing.  Things started to get a bit rougher. I was being barged out of the way by people trying to get closer to the stage. The next thing is the crowd who are doing the barging seems to be dancing around Karen. They're 4 behind her and 3 in front. They separate Karen and myself but I pushed back along her side and said to her that you better be careful, something fishy is happening. Karen kicked her leg slightly and said " ouch, why did you scratch me. Will you fuck off and let me enjoy my night." I didn't touch her at all. I just backed off and kept an eye on her.It was quite hard to see what was happening. Maybe I was, over reacting. They did seem to be only dancing unlike, Karen, who went from this very refined swaying, to a pole dancer without a pole. Her hands were over her head as she had her body snaking. Then she'd bring her hands down and start guiding them over her boobs, continuing down to her thighs and back up delaying around her low stomach before rubbing her ass. This is not how Karen acts. The next thing that happens is, the guys that we're dancing by her, start to squeeze into her. The ones behind her start to push forward and the ones in front stand firm which put Karen squashed between them, she was the meat in their sandwich, as she keeps dancing very provocatively. Not long after this, the lighting changes. It went from spinning coloured lights mostly pointed at the stage to white strobing lights which was faced to the dancers on the floor. This lighting was very blinding, but it wasn't stopping me from getting glimpses of what was happening alongside me. 2 of the guys behind Karen pulled out their phones and turned on the torch light and then took turns pointing it up her dress. Karen's being given an upskirt. Well, they really hit the jackpot. Huge jackpot!!! Karen has a thigh gap, she's wearing no panties, has a landing strip cut out of her pubes and she has the biggest, floppy, pussy lips ever. She's getting an upskirt and I'm doing nothing to stop it being done to her. Well she did tell me to "fuck off and let her dance" and I was loving watching this happen to her.  This seems to be going on for ages when I think I see one of the guys with his dick pulled out and he has it resting on Karen's dress and with her dancing, she's giving his dick a good grind. They take turns having their dicks rubbed and tossed by Karen's ass, while filming all that was happening and she's oblivious to the groping that's being done to her. The guys headed off just as fast as they arrived. I wasn't 100 percent sure but I think one of the guys is the same person that Tommy was talking to before he took us out on the floor. The lights change back to the colorful spinning ones which makes  me wonder even more.Karen was still in a world of her own. Nothing was stopping her from dancing, she was buzzing. Tommy and his minders came back to us and he led Karen over to the bar and gave her a bottle of water, again I thought that was strange. He said that the night was almost over and that it would be very hard to get a taxi with everyone looking for one, so he'll give us a drive back to the bungalow. What happened in the next few days was even crazier/dangerous, scary as shit.Part 2 later

1. i never thought i'd have anything to say here.
2. the moral of this story is: even if you have a girlfriend, even if you're attractive, you should still download some .torrents of audio books about the venusian arts as popularized by these weirdo pick up artists named MYSTERY and LOVE DROP.
and this is not a sales pitch either. most of you should know that torrent sites are free file sharing things.

anyway, here's my story:

i'm a decent enough looking guy, funny, charisma, musical, artistic. maybe a bit of a sex addict, who knows. i've been with about 33 girls, very few just one night stands, and only been dumped once. so if i was a boxer, i'd have a good record.
i have a girlfriend who is my age. her idea of good sex is 20 mutually satisfactory minutes. and i suppose that's enough for some guys, but i'd much rather have what i like to call FIGHT CLUB STYLE SEX (remember that scene?) like the sex i used to have with my Puerto rican GF in college. BANG ZOOM.

i'm a member of a private torrent site and i DL all sorts of audio books. mostly new age, fiction and science, recently some books about the occult and the art of pick up. i'm always interested in overcoming social anxiety, talking to women, and feeling good about myself. i listened to these mp3s for a week on the way to work
and finally started to understand the rules they put forth. i wont spell them out here, but it's a cool mixture of zen, common sense, faking charisma if you're nervous, and evolutionary psychology. it sounded fun as hell.

so i'm out of town house sitting for my mom and i'm in a very good mood because various work related things coming together. i just decide i'm going to talk to everyone i bump into a little bit more that i might normally. while buying some sandwiches, i meet a coffeeshop girl and within 2 minutes we decided i'm going to teach her guitar that night. i realized later that i'd followed the pick up instructions note for note, although i didnt realize it @ the time. to use pick up artist jargon.... "open set, throw a neg, attract, build a time bridge. "

coffeshop girl is pretty fucking awesome. librarian glasses, small, fit body like an american apparel model. 21 yrs old.
BALD PUSSY! she doesn't care at all i have a girlfriend in another town.
she's also done professional massage, dance instruction, modeling. this chick is a fucking keeper.
after some snappy txts back and forth i pick her up after work and take her home. we sit on the roof and look @ stars, we play guitar and sing, we have a few beers, we kiss, she rubs my back, we get naked, we fuck, we STOP fucking and just talk about stuff like we're old friends hanging out and then we fuck some more. with a girl this hot, you have to take it slow. that's one of my rules.

PLOT TWIST: this entire time, another girl is on her way to my moms house. she's ALSO a massage therapist, and she's told me recently that we shouldnt have sex anymore because i have a GF and it makes her feel bad. of course i say 'cool, ok' but she comes over anyway, meets coffeeshop girl, tries to go to sleep in the guest room, gets jealous and leaves. sends angry txts about how i'm a bad friend. boohoo. i think it's pretty retarded as she was the one who broke it off anyway.

so ok, no hot 3 some with 2 massage chicks. but seriously, this does not happen to me every day. it's as if i had coffeeshop girl seduced at 'hello.' to be fair, we'd seen each other a few times in passing and she had noticed me, but i never new her name until yesterday. i'm pretty sure that if i had not listened to these crazy ass audio books last week, i wouldnt have had the pimpstyle, the balls, the courage to have this foxy girl (11 years younger than i am) jump into my bed. i will try to take pics of her tonight for you fellow pervs, but i'm kind of so into her that i dont want to share in case she some how finds out her ass in on the web.

in conclusion gents, if you're on this site because you never get laid in real life, there is shit out there that totally works. take this advice from a stranger. GO TO THE GYM EVERY DAY for 3 month. you will feel great. that's step one. man up, change your diet of beer and cheese into something better. find some fun things that you can talk about passionately. for me it's art, music, and eastern religion, but anything will work. download some of these books and listen. look for torrents with 'PUA' pick up, seduction etc. THANK ME LATER.

I confess the friendzone sucks donkey balls, not sure how I do it but I always end up there.

My personal experience is that it is like being a boyfriend in that you have to put up with all the female bullshit, but you get none of the obvious benefits. i.e. sandwiches.

im really horny and jacking off. i have a grilled cheese sandwich right now. I'm thinking of cumming in it then eating it.

I just came buckets. Now, im going to make me a sandwich.

This was really different. I was over at Home Depot today in the plumbing section looking for a washer to replace one on a leaky faucet in a rental unit I own. I'm comparing the old washer to the different ones they have there when this girl ask if I know anything about plumbing. I look over at her and guessed she was in her early 20's, nice body and so-so face. I tell her a little.

She tells me she was looking for a sales person but could not find one and ask if I might help her. I told her I would be willing to try. So she explains her problem. I tell her the bad news about her problem. She stands there and you can almost see her brain going into overload. She tells me she does not know what to do and then out of the blue she ask if I am not to busy if I might be willing to go to her condo and help her out. She says like that show on HGTV. Then she says she does not have a lot of money but would make it worth my time. I figure why the fuck not, I am not busy. So I picked out what she needed and fortunately already had tools on my car and followed her to her place.

Thankfully it was not as bad as I thought it might be. So I started to work on it and while I am working she would come in with a beer for me now and then. She had changed into a tight pair of shorts and a t-shirt and no bra guessing from her hard nipples poking out.I think I worked on it for 2 hours before I was finished. I called her to show her I had finished. Damn I thought maybe I would get lucky. She must have felt my eyes burning all over her body. She told me to follow her where I found out my thanks would be sandwiches and more beer. I had been cock teased,damn it. When I went to get my tools from the bathroom I raided her dirty clothes and have 5 pairs of her dirty panties. Yeah not the ending I had hoped for but at least I got a few souvenirs.

What's the difference between dog shit and niggers?
When dog shit gets old it turns White and quits stinking.

What's the difference between a jew and a pizza?
A pizza doesn't scream in the oven.

What's the difference between a nigger and a snow tire?
A snow tire doesn't sing when you put chains on it.

What would you call the Flintstones if they were black?
Niggers.

Why don't sharks eat niggers?
They think it's whale shit.

What do you call a nigger in a tree with a briefcase?
Branch manager.

How come there aren't any Mexicans on Star Trek?
They don't work in the future, either.

Why do niggers cry during sex?
The Mace.

How do you stop a nigger from drowning?
Take your foot off the back of his head.

How do you get a nigger out of a tree?
Cut the rope.

What did the Alabama sherriff call the nigger who had been shot 15 times?
Worst case of suicide he had ever seen.

What do you get when you cross a retard with a gang banger?
Someone who spray paints on a chain link fence.

Why do niggers stink?
So blind people can hate them too.

What do you get when you cross a nigger and a spic?
Someone too lazy to steal.

Why don't niggers take aspirin?
They refuse to pick the cotton out.

What do nigger kids get for Christmas?
Your bike.

What's a niggers idea of foreplay?
"Don't scream or I'll cut you, bitch."

Why do spics drive low-riders?
So they can cruise and pick lettuce at the same time.

What do you get when you cross a jew and a gypsy?
A chain of empty retail stores.

Why don't nigger kids play in the sandbox?
Cats keep covering them up.

What do you call an apartment full of niggers?
A COON-dominium.

Why are there no nigger astronauts?
Their lips explode at 50,000 feet.

How do you babysit a niglet?
Wet his lips and stick him to the wall.

How do you get him down?
Teach him to say "Motherfucker."

How else do you babysit a niglet?
Put Velcro on the ceiling and tell him to jump.

How do you get him down?
Invite the spics over, blindfold them and tell them it's a pi�ata party.

Why do jews have big noses?
Air is free.

What is a nigger on a bike?
Thief.

What's long and black and smells like shit?
The welfare line.

What do you call 50 niggers at the bottom of the ocean?
Good start.

What is the worst 3 years of a niggers life?
First grade.

How was break dancing invented?
Niggers trying to steal hubcaps from moving cars.

Why do niggers keep chickens in their back yards?
To teach their kids how to walk.

How do you know Adam and Eve were not black?
You ever try to take a rib from a nigger?

What is a nigger?
Proof that skunks fuck monkeys.

What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead nigger in the road?
The dead dog has skid marks in front of it.

What did Abe Lincoln say after a 3 day drunk?
"I set WHO free?"

Why are chimps always frowning?
They know in a million years they are going to turn into niggers.

Why is interrogating a Mexican like a pool ball?
The harder you hit it the more English you get.

How many jews can you fit in a VolksWagon?
All of them if you put them in the ashtray.

A nigger and a spic jump off the Empire State Building, who hits the ground first?
Who cares.

A nigger and a spic jump off the Empire State Building, who hits the ground first?
The spic, because the nigger had to stop on the way down and spray paint "motherfucker" on the wall.

Why don't spics have barbeques?
The beans keep falling through the grill.

You hear about the new car made in Israel?
Not only can it stop on a dime, it will go back and pick it up.

What do you call an Ethiopian with a pickle on his head?
A quarter-pounder.

How many Ethiopians can you fit in a phone booth?
All of them.

How do you start a foot race in Ethiopia?
Roll a doughnut down the street.

How many niggers does it take to pave a driveway?
One if you spread him real thin.

How do you blindfold a chink?
Dental floss.

How do chinks name their kids?
They throw silverware down the stairs.

What's the difference between a nigger and a bag of shit?

The bag.

What's the most confusing day in Harlem?
Father's Day.

When does a Black man turn into a nigger?
As soon as he leaves the room.

What do you call a nigger with a Harvard education?
Nigger.

What do you call a nigger in a courtroom in a 3 piece suit?
The defendant.

There is a nigger and a spic in a car, who's driving?
The cop.

Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling?
He doesn't know he's black.

How long does it take a nigger bitch to take a shit?
9 months.

Why don't nigger women wear panties to picnics?
To keep the flies off the chicken.

Why does Alabama have niggers and California have earthquakes?
California got first pick.

Why do Mexican cars have those little steering wheels?
So they can drive handcuffed.

Why are niggers like sperm?
Only one in a million actually work.

What do you call Mike Tyson with no arms?
Niger nigger nigger.

How do you fit 100 Cubans in a shoe box?
Tell them its a raft.

Why do police dogs lick their ass?
To get the taste of nigger out of their mouth.

What can a pizza do that a nigger can't?
Feed a family of four.

Why did the nigger carry a piece of shit in his wallet?
I.D.

What is red green yellow orange purple and pink?
A nigger dressed for church.

Why do niggers have flat noses?
That's where god put his feet when he was pulling off their tails.

Did you hear that the KKK bought the movie rights to Roots?
They're going to play it backwards so it has a happy ending.

What is the difference between a white owl and a black owl?
A white owl goes, "Who, who," a black owl goes, "Who dat? Who dat?"

Did you hear about the new Black Barbie?
It comes with 12 kids, AIDS and a welfare check.

What is black, white, and rolls off the end of the pier?
A nigger and a seagull fighting over a chicken wing.

What do you get when you cross a nigger with a gorilla?
A dumb gorilla.

What is the difference between Batman and a black man?
Batman can go out at night without Robin.

Did you hear about the new Chap Stick for niggers?
It comes in a spray can.

What's the difference between niggers and pit-bulls?
It's still legal to own a pit-bull.

What do you say to a black man in uniform?
"I'll have a Big Mac with cheese and a coke."

Why do niggers walk the way they do?
Because they spent the first nine months of their lives dodging a coat hanger.

What happened when the Ethiopian fell in the crocodile pit?
He ate six crocs before they could pull him out.

Why do niggers call white people "honkies"?
That's the last sound they hear before the white people run them over.

How do you stop a nigger from going out?
Pour more gas on him.

Did you hear about the nigger with insomnia?
He kept waking up twice a week.

What do you do if you run over a nigger?
Reverse.

Why do decent white folks shop at nigger yard sales?
To get all their stuff back.

Who were the three most famous women in black history?
Aunt Jemima, Diana Ross, and Mother Fucker!

Hear about the new bumper sticker that says "Run, Jesse, Run"?
You put it on the front of your car.

What do Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles have in common?
They're both niggers.

How come Stevie Wonder & Ray Charles can't read?
They're both niggers.

Why do niggers wear wide-brimmed hats?
So pigeons can't shit on their lips.

Why did so many nigger soldiers get killed in Vietnam?
Every time someone yelled "Get down!" the niggers would jump up and start dancing.

What do you get when you cross a nigger with a Vietnamese?
Nothing. There are some things even a Vietnamese won't do.

What's black and tan and looks good on a nigger?
A Doberman Pinscher.

What's the fastest animal in the world?
The Ethiopian chicken.

Did you hear about Evel Knieval's new motorcycle stunt?
He's going to ride through Ethiopia with a sandwich tied to his back.

Did you hear about Ku Klux Knieval?
He tried to jump 50 niggers with a steam roller.

Why was golf invented?
So white people get a chance to dress like niggers.

What do you do if you see a nigger with half a head?
Stop laughing and reload.

Why did god create orgasms?
So niggers know when to stop.

Why did god give niggers rhythm?
Because he fucked up their hair, nose and lips.

Why are so many niggers moving to Detroit?
They heard there were no jobs there.

Why can't nigger women become nuns?
Because they can't get used to saying 'superior' after 'Mother'.

How do you fit 15 niggers in the back of a Cadillac?
Don't worry, they'll figure it out.

What's yellow and black and makes you laugh ?
A bus full of niggers going over a cliff.

How do you stop a nigger from drowning?
You don't.

Whats blue and hangs in my front yard?
My nigger I can paint him whatever color I want.

Why do seagulls have wings?
To beat the niggers to the dump.

What's a crying shame?
When a bus full of niggers drives off a cliff and there were 3 empty seats.

What do you call an Ethiopian with a feather up his ass?
A dart.

Why did the Jews wander in the desert for 40 years?
Because one of them lost a quarter.

What does N.A.A.C.P stand for?
Niggers Are Always Causing Problems

How many spics does it take to have a bath?
Five, one to lie in the tub and four to spit on him.

What do a nigger and an apple have in common?
They both look good hanging from a tree.

Why are niggers always buried 12 feet deep?
Deep down they're good people.

What's the difference between a porch monkey and a yard ape?
The length of the chain.

What's black, orange, and very pretty?
A nigger on fire.

What do you have if you've got a nigger up to his neck in cement?
Not enough cement.

How was copper wire invented?
Two jews fighting over a penny.

How do you starve a nigger?
Hide his welfare check under his work boots.

How do you get 12 niggers in a Volkswagen?
Throw in a welfare check.

How do you get them out?
Throw in a job application.

Why are there trees in Harlem?
Public transportation.

How does a black woman fight crime?
She has an abortion.

What do you say when you see your T.V. floating around at night?
"Drop it nigger."