Maby its time admin gave us (the peasants) some answers... Any answers will do!! No cunt knows whats going on with upload views and credits and shit. Like i had quite a few uploads ready to hit gold status, do we get all the views back? credits we've been missing out on through the maintenance? Yes we know everything will be "better than before" once all done, but that aint answering everyones questions.

Once upon a time, I was just a wanna-be slut until I took that first step into sluthood by meeting up with B. in a vacant lot at 2am so he could gag me on his cock with his goal of making me piss myself, and the bonus that he gets his cock sucked.

That was at least two years ago now. We've said hi on occasion since but never managed to actually meet up again for this reason or that.

That changed tonight.

Last week, I emailed him to let him know that I still tell the tale of meeting him when asked about my kinkier experiences. Being the kind of cocky bastard that I seem to be attracted to, he was pleased and said we ought to do it again.

So tonight he asked if I was free and, after some nervous hemming and hawing, I agreed to meet him. He told me to make sure I had clothes with easy access and a full bladder. The clothes I could do, not so much on the bladder.

I put on a skirt (no panties, of course) and a peasant blouse and waited by the side of the road for him to pick me up. He asked me where to as I nervously climbed into his truck and I told him that I didn't have any plans so it was up to him.

He said something about finding somewhere to park then told me to talk about something while he drives around looks for a place. I, being the nervous wreck I often am on these kinds of meetings, couldn't think of anything so he threw out a bunch of topics: The weather, political stance, whether I was wearing panties, if I was wet... I told him the weather was lovely, prefer not to discuss politics, that I never wear underwear, and that I might be just a bit.

After some more silence aside from my anxiety-ridden giggles, he suggested that I could at least entertain him but pulling my tits out. As soon as I did, he reached over his free hand and began tweaking my nipples. Hard. Really fucking hard. He asked if I liked that and I told him between squeals that it was a hard question to answer. He replied that it might be wise to find a way to answer it. I answered that it was painful and I have a love-hate thing with pain. That seemed to be enough of an answer, though he didn't stop pinching.

We drove around a few streets looking and ended up going back behind a shopping center into the loading bay of a supermarket. Once parked, he laid my seat back before working his fingers between my thighs to see if I was wet. Of course I was so he began driving two fingers deep into my cunt, then shoved one hard and fast into my ass, causing me to scream.

"Does that hurt?"

"Yes!"

"Hurt good, or hurt bad?"

"(whimper) I don't know."

"Well, you'd better decide."

I finally decided it was bad and he removed his finger when I told him so then moved to stand basically behind and to the side of my seat so that, with the seat reclined, his cock was at eye level. He said that he was going to let me choose whether he was going to cum in my mouth or my ass but that I'd better suck his cock while I decided.

I don't like to make decisions. Especially when it comes to how I'm to be used. I don't really feel it is my place and I don't have much of an opinion. For me, it is all about what he wants... but B. knew this and what he wanted was to fuck with my head.

He fucked my mouth, holding the back of my head so that he could get as deep down my throat as was physically possible. I gagged several times, as I am prone to do. For a girl who is orally fixated, I have a really strong reflex. Thing is, I don't mind. I really enjoy being gagged. Something about the idea of being so helpless that even my own body is against me really makes me wet.

He would let me up occasionally to ask if I had decided and I would try to explain that I didn't want to choose to which he would shove my head back down. I finally told him I wanted to swallow his cum so he grabbed a fistful of hair and began fucking my face good and hard. However, I think I was gagging too much for his taste because he ordered me out of the truck. At first he put me on my knees to suck his cock a bit more but it wasn't long until he had me bent over against the back of the truck.

Moving up close behind me, he lifted my skirt and I felt his cock slide into my pussy. It took everything I had not to moan loudly as he began slamming into it, fucking me for a few minutes to get his cock good and slippery before he moved on to what he really wanted. Pressing against my asshole for a few seconds, he was balls deep in an instant and fucking my ass good and hard for only a few more minutes before he filled it with his cum.

He had me home in just a few more. Just a quick use and abuse session. And it was just what I needed.

However, it wasn't quite the end.

When I got home, I got myself cleaned up and ready for bed. My husband was still awake but getting ready for bed himself. Now, he doesn't really want to know about my playtime so all he knew was that I had gone out for a bit. I'm sure he had his suspicions about what happened but he's not going to ask about it. I, on the other hand, knew exactly what had happened and I could not pass up the chance to be the slut with two loads of cum in her ass at the same time.

Once we were both in bed, I made sure to rub up against him in all the ways he knows means I want to get fucked. It had been several days so I figured there was a fair chance he wouldn't mind getting some.

I got on my hands and knees to give him the view I know he most enjoys and he began to rub my ass and finger my cunt. He continued for a while, even making his way to four fingers in my pussy before deciding that he needed to fuck it. His cock sliding deep where another man's had just been was enough to make me cum several times before begging him to fuck my ass. As he did, I pleaded with him to fuck it harder and harder, "Fuck me hard and cum in my ass!"

And he did.

This Confession has been a long time in coming. A number of years ago when I had first started dating my now ex, I cheated on her. It was with a girl that I worked with. She and I had been flirting for some time but we had never had the chance. I loved playing with her long blond hair and she would brush her huge double D tits along my arm as I would walk past her. One day neither of us could take it any more and I gave her a ride home. I think she had planned it because she hadn't been wearing a bra that day, and I caught a glimpse of her hard nipples through the vest she had worn over a thin cloth top. During the drive home she took off the vest revealing just how low cut her peasant blouse was. I could feel my cock getting rock hard and she could see my erection pushing against my pants. Thank All those above that the drive was a short one to her place. We barely made it inside and into her bedroom before I grabbed her blouse and pulled it down hard, showing off both her tits to me. She stumbled a bit and then came down on to her knees, her hands pulling at my belt and pants to get them open. My cock sprung out and she teased the tip with her tongue before pressing her tits on either side of it and began to stroke the shaft with her breasts. Such a tease that woman was. It became almost unbearable, before I pulled her up to her feet and moved her back towards the bed. Pushing up her skirt I knelt down and began to lick her inner thighs, biting and nibbling my way up from her knees to her pussy lips. Using my fingers I parted her pussy lips that were already beginning to drip as her orgasm built up, to expose her clit. I trapped it between my teeth gently and began to flick it with the tip of my tongue and suck on it. Both her hands grabbed the back of my head, her fingers tangling in my long hair forcing my face towards her sopping cunt even harder as she began to writhe.

My confession is that i just turned 50 and i honestly dont give a SHIT about global warming, Obama-style re-distributive justice, starving 3rd world african/asian peasants, empty food banks, racial equality or gay/fag marriage. all i give a fucking shit about is making my retirement years as comfortable as possible and leaving a sizable estate to my family. I took care of mine! now YOU take care of yours!

I confess.
This is the truest thing you will ever read.
You may not believe that, but... well,
that's just because you don't remember.... which is understandable, considering...

You were on your way home when you died.

It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two "offspring" since the appropriate word is inappropriate here. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off, trust me.

And that�s when you met me.

�What� what happened?� You asked. �Where am I?�

�You died,� I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words.

�There was a� a truck and it was skidding��

�Yup,� I said.

�I� I died?�

�Yup. But don�t feel bad about it. Everyone dies,� I said.

You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. �What is this place?� You asked. �Is this the afterlife?�

�More or less,� I said.

�Are you god?� You asked.

�Yup,� I replied. �I�m God.�

�My 'offspring'� my wife,� you said.

�What about them?�

�Will they be all right?�

�That�s what I like to see,� I said. �You just died and your main concern is for your family. That�s good stuff right there.�

You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn�t look like God. I just looked like some man. Or possibly a woman. Some vague authority figure, maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the almighty.

�Don�t worry,� I said. �They�ll be fine. Your spawn will remember you as perfect in every way. They didn�t have time to grow contempt for you. Your wife will cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be fair, your marriage was falling apart. If it�s any consolation, she�ll feel very guilty for feeling relieved.�

�Oh,� you said. �So what happens now? Do I go to heaven or hell or something?�

�Neither,� I said. �You�ll be reincarnated.�

�Ah,� you said. �So the Hindus were right,�

�All religions are right in their own way,� I said. �Walk with me.�

You followed along as we strode through the void. �Where are we going?�

�Nowhere in particular,� I said. �It�s just nice to walk while we talk.�

�So what�s the point, then?� You asked. �When I get reborn, I�ll just be a blank slate, right? A baby. So all my experiences and everything I did in this life won�t matter.�

�Not so!� I said. �You have within you all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You just don�t remember them right now.�

I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders. �Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. It�s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it�s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you�ve gained all the experiences it had.

�You�ve been in a human for the last 48 years, so you haven�t stretched out yet and felt the rest of your immense consciousness. If we hung out here for long enough, you�d start remembering everything. But there�s no point to doing that between each life.�

�How many times have I been reincarnated, then?�

�Oh lots. Lots and lots. An in to lots of different lives.� I said. �This time around, you�ll be a Chinese peasant girl in 540 AD.�

�Wait, what?� You stammered. �You�re sending me back in time?�

�Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only exists in your universe. Things are different where I come from.�

�Where you come from?� You said.

�Oh sure,� I explained �I come from somewhere. Somewhere else. And there are others like me. I know you�ll want to know what it�s like there, but honestly you wouldn�t understand.�

�Oh,� you said, a bit let down. �But wait. If I get reincarnated to other places in time, I could have interacted with myself at some point.�

�Sure. Happens all the time. And with both lives only aware of their own lifespan you don�t even know it�s happening.�

�So what�s the point of it all?�

�Seriously?� I asked. �Seriously? You�re asking me for the meaning of life? Isn�t that just a bit cliche?�

�Well it�s a reasonable question,� you persisted.

I looked you in the eye. �The meaning of life, the reason I made this whole universe, is for you to mature.�

�You mean mankind? You want us to mature?�

�No, just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life you grow and mature and become a larger and greater intellect.�

�Just me? What about everyone else?�

�There is no one else,� I said. �In this universe, there�s just you and me.�

You stared blankly at me. �But all the people on earth��

�All you. Different incarnations of you.�

�Wait. I�m everyone!?�

�Now you�re getting it,� I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back.

�I�m every human being who ever lived?�

�Or who will ever live, yes.�

�I�m Abraham Lincoln?�

�And you�re John Wilkes Booth, too,� I added.

�I�m Hitler?� You said, appalled.

�And you�re the millions he killed.�

�I�m Jesus?�

�And you�re everyone who followed him.�

You fell silent.

�Every time you victimized someone,� I said, �you were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you�ve done, you�ve done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you.�

You thought for a long time.

�Why?� You asked me. �Why do all this?�

�Because someday, you will become like me. Because that�s what you are. You�re one of my kind. You�re my 'offspring'.�

�Whoa,� you said, incredulous. �You mean I�m a god?�

�No. Not yet. You�re [an individual at an early stage of development]. You�re still growing. Once you�ve lived every human life throughout all time, you will have grown enough to be born.�

�So the whole universe,� you said, �it�s just��

�An egg.� I answered. �Now it�s time for you to move on to your next life.�

And I sent you on your way.

I found this on the internet today and thought I would share it with you. Sadly I'm not aloud to post where I stole it from, however you can always google.

10 Bizarre Sex World Records

1
World's Largest Penis (13.5 inches - 34.2 cm)

World's Largest Penis (13.5 inches - 34.2 cm)
Jonah Falcon, an American actor and writer, has been reported as having the World's Largest Penis with 9.5 inches (24.13 cm) in length when flaccid and 13.5 inches (34.29 cm) when erect.

Falcon has identified himself as a bisexual and works as a gaming blog editor. He gained media attention after appearing in a 1999 HBO documentary, a Rolling Stone Magazine article, a documentary by UK Channel 4 called "The World's Biggest Penis," and The Daily Show.

He was offered to enter the pornography industry but refused, saying it would be "just the easy way out... it's not going to help my legit acting career."

In 2012, he was stopped and frisked by the TSA at the SF Airport due to the large bulge in his pants. After passing through a metal detector and a body scanner, the world's largest dick was selected for additional screening, then finally released.

2
World's Largest Vagina (19 inches - 48.26 cm)

World's Largest Vagina (19 inches - 48.26 cm)
The World's Biggest Vagina most likely belonged to Scottish giantess Anna Swan (1846-1888), a remarkable woman who set a number of records relating to her bulk. Born normally sized, she began growing at a prodigious rate in childhood, finally reaching a maximum height of 7' 8" at age 19. Capitalizing on her huge size, she joined a side show and toured the country, where she met and fell in love with Captain Martin Bates, another giant who measured over 7 feet tall. They wed in 1872, making them the tallest married couple in the world, a record that still stands today. The couple settled down into married life, built a mansion filled with enormous furniture, including an 11' by 7' bed where they consummated their union. On June 18, 1879, she gave birth to the largest baby in history, weighing 26 lbs. and 34 inches in length—so large, in fact, that it became tightly wedged in her capacious tract, only extricated by the use of forceps and belts. The child did not survive the rigors of birth, but a cast was made, still on display at the Cleveland Museum of Health. Generally the largest part of an infant is the head. We know that the tyke's cranium measured about 19 inches (48.26 cm) in circumference, hence we compute the minimum dilation of Swan's passage as 6 inches, or just over 15 cm. That's pretty wide—the normal dilation for childbirth is 10 cm.

3
World's Most Prolific Mother (69 babies)

World's Most Prolific Mother (69 babies)
Feodor Vassilyev (1707-1782), was a peasant from Shuya, Russia. Though not noteworthy himself, his first wife, Valentina Vassilyeva, set the record for most children birthed by a single woman. She gave birth to total of 69 children; however, few other details are known of her life, such as her date of birth or death. She gave birth to 16 pairs of twins, 7 sets of triplets and 4 sets of quadruplets between 1725 and 1765, in a total of 27 births. 67 of the 69 children born survived infancy. The modern world record for giving birth is held by Leontina Albina from San Antonio, Chile. Now in her mid-sixties, she claims to be the mother of 64 children. Of these, 55 are documented. The mother with the greatest number of kids that are not twins is Livia Ionce. This Romanian woman, 44, gave birth to her 18th child in Canada in 2008.

4
World's Biggest Distance for a Jet of Semen (18 ft 9 in - 570 cm)

World's Biggest Distance for a Jet of Semen (18 ft 9 in - 570 cm)
Horst Schultz achieved 18 ft 9 in (579 cm) with a 'substantial' amount of seminal fluid. He also holds the records for the greatest height (12 ft 4in - 375.92 cm) and the greatest speed of ejaculation, or muzzle velocity, with 42.7mph.

5
World's Oldest Prostitute (82-year-old)

World's Oldest Prostitute (82-year-old)
Prostitution is commonly known as the world's oldest profession. Meanwhile police in Tai Pei estimate an 82 -year-old nicknamed "Grandma" to be the oldest living, working prostitute. Chiu went into the business about 40 years ago, after a man she had lived with for two decades died. She stays in the business charging ten or twenty times less than others prostitutes. (Source)

6
World's Biggest Orgy (250 couples)

World's Biggest Orgy (250 couples)
Japan has successfully set a new world record – having 250 men and 250 women consent to have sex in the same place at the same time, completing the world's biggest orgy! The Orgy was held in a warehouse with a professional camera crew taking pictures and recording the entire event. Each sex act and position was choreographed so that couples were simultaneous in their actions. Despite the "orgy" label, the 250 couples (all tested STD-free) featured in the video have sex only with each other and not with any other couple. The entire event is available for purchase on DVD.

7
World's Biggest Gang Bang (919 guys in the same day)

World's Biggest Gang Bang (919 guys in the same day)
Lisa Sparxxx is a noted American pornographic actress. She had sex with 919 guys in a single day, setting a world record. Specifically, it occurred during Eroticon 2004, a Polish convention that celebrates exactly what its title suggests, as part of the Third Annual World Gangbang Championship. This wasn't just some publicity stunt either; the coveted “World Gang Bang Record” had changed “hands” back in 2002 and 2003, when the number reached was 646 and 759, respectively.

8
World's Longest Man Masturbation (10 hours)

World's Longest Man Masturbation (10 hours)
A man by the name of Masanobu Sato attended the 2009 World Masturbate-a-thon held by the Center for Sex & Culture in San Francisco and set the world record for longest session by jerking it for 9 hours and 58 minutes. He came all the way from Japan just for the event, armed with a wide variety of sexual aids, and the record he was beating was his own. Last year he set the record with 9 hours and 33 minutes.

9
World's Strongest Vagina (lifts 31 lbs with her vagina)

World's Strongest Vagina (lifts 31 lbs with her vagina)
Meet Tatiata Kozhevnikova, the 42-year-old Russian woman with the world's strongest vagina. No, seriously, she broke records to attain that title. Incredibly enough, she lifted 14 kilograms worth of weights-- almost 31 pounds-- to achieve such notoriety. She has been exercising her intimate muscles for fifteen years, and has already made her entrance into the Guinness Book of Records as the possessor of the world's strongest vagina. “After I had a child, my intimate muscles got unbelievably weak. I read books on Dao and learned that ancient women used to deal with this problem using wooden balls,” she said.

(Source)

10
World's Oldest Father (90-year-old)

World's Oldest Father (90-year-old)
The world's oldest father has done it again, fathering a child for at least the 21st time, at the age of 90. Indian farmer Nanu Ram Jogi, who is married to his fourth wife, boasts he does not want to stop, and plans to continue producing children until he is 100. Mr Jogi admits he is not certain how many children his series of four wives have borne him - but counts at least 12 sons and nine daughters and 20 grandchildren.

Bow at my feet peasants!! 

👑I am The Big Fat Pig and You Will Respect Me, Peasants 🐷

i am Jills young pert budding breasts. i have been mainly napping for the past 11 years but now i am aching to peek out and view the world. i am made of bubblegum and milk and magically soft flesh and technically serve no evolutionary function at all. my flaring hips have already alerted the male race that i am potentially ripe.
no man has seen me in my flowering glory yet. well my brother has, but he's no man.
i must admit his lips are sublime though.
from what i am being told by my buddy the brain i am now at my absolute peak. soon i will sag and attract no one save meth heads. we have all been taught that a woman over 19 is essentially useless anyway. a few are needed for breeding and as peasant workers but we know the story. the rest of us will lead quiet lives of desperation.
my fate is in Jills hands and it already looks like it's gonna be a shaky ride.

i am Jills pert newly budding breasts.
and right now my brother is all over me.