"Why do you have a joker tatted on you?" I asked one slow afternoon, while we were in the walk-in fridge together.
" Cause I'm fuckin' crazy." He replied, with a devilish grin on his face. He left me in the walk-in, his voice echoing in my mind. Why would he say that? Was he really crazy or was he just sparking my mind? Honestly, he made me hella nervous.
Weeks go by and there is friction.Everyone in the restaurant notices it.Our co-workers were merciless. My smile is contagious they said, like a "Death Trap" for unsuspecting men, and he had been caught in it. His blue eyes had an equally devestating effect. Everyday i would find a reason to talk to him, to smile at him, to make him notice me. i would go to smoke a cigarette and he would follow me.He would ask questions; where i came from, why i was here of all places, and why i was so nice. No one had ever taken notice to me the way he did. I didnt know what it felt like to be persued by a man and it made me uneasy.
A couple more weeks go by. The flirting continues and to top it all off, a work party is planned. Everyone that was cool would be there, or at least 'cool' in this life. Which meant that everyone who was there would be smoking pot and getting schwasted on cheap vodka. I was the youngest one, the lightweight, the grasshopper of partyers. I had a feeling that something unpleasant was in the realm of possibilities. One shot, two shots....five shots, seven, eleven...fifteen shots later. I go outside for some fresh air and im followed.
" You okay?", He said with a drunken look of concern on his face.
"Yeah dude, I just need some air. I think i may have drank a little too much." I say as i smoke a cigarette, trying to ease my stomach by leaning on the balcony railing. I feel a pat on my head and the door opens then closes. He's gone. I can hear him telling others that im fine, that i said i'd be in after a while. I didnt say that, but i appreciated the extra time to gather myself.
We're all playing poker, the night is bits and pieces thanks to the alcohol. He touches my hand.We're sitting on the floor around the coffee table taking shots.Laughing. Hoping that no-one else notices that our bodies are touching. He grabs my hand and squeezes it. I squeeze back. He smiles at me, brushes his hand across my cheek when i smile back, and lightly pokes at my dimple. I look in his eyes.The deepest eyes I've ever gazed into. The only eyes that i've ever become lost in. The only eyes that have ever left me absolutely breathless. I get nervous, suddenly im possessed with something, and i feel that i know what to do.
I lean in and kiss him. Our lips are soft against eachother. It's like electricity starting at my lips, travelling through my body, waking up my soul. We kiss and time stops. The world slows its turning, the moment is cherished, remembered even in its happenning. As his lips left mine, i knew they would be missed.Not just in the future, but in the moment as well.
And that's how it started, the end of my life. We used to tell eachother thats what happens when a tornado meets a volcano. We knew it would end in disaster, but it just felt so right. We were best friends.Lovers. We were stupid.

***

It's seven o'clock and im waiting for him.We have mondays off and decided to go to dinner and a movie. He has a girlfriend and i know its wrong, but i cant help it. He gets called into work so i wait.it feels like forever.My window blinds are open in my bedroom.Sitting on my bed reading a book i get a text. " You ready :)"

" Well how about Taco Bell dude?" , i had to ask.It was on the way to his house and i dont know why he would want to take me to a sit down restaurant anyways. Scary movies and some fast food.That was us.I wasn't hard to please and neither was He. We make our order, get our food, and head to his house. Getting off of work late had ruined dinner plans and he was kind of on edge.
I was nervous too.The drive to his house seemed so long, when i didnt know my way around town yet. In reality, it was only about fifteen miles from my house. Sure he wasnt a stranger, but in that moment, riding into a dark, heavily wooded area seemed creepy as shit. He relaxed me.Holding my hand, talking about how he hated work and how glad he was that i was with him. We see lights behind us.
"Do you know why i pulled over Mr. Uh Walton?", the State Trooper asked.Tall and gankly, he shined the flashlight into the car. I smile and wave with a Taco bell drink in my hand. He smiles back nodding his head in my direction.
"Your rear light is out, you should get that fixed.It's obvious your just tryin' to make it home.Ya'll have a good night." Mr.Piggy says, handing Him back the license and insurance.
"You're like my good luck charm.If i had been by myself, i woulda went to jail.Haha.Im ready to smoke a joint now." He says driving back onto the road. " We're not too far from my house, just a few hundred feet."

Inside the trailer was nice.It looked like a home. Not just a house decorated to perfection. We walk past the kitchen where his mom is cooking, into his room. I knew he lived with his parents, so i wasnt surprised. We had talked a lot about eachothers lives the past few weeks and were eager to hang out again outside of work.
Halfway through one of the scary movies we argued over zombies and aliens; he kissed me again. I was shy and hadn't tried to make any moves. Laying on his chest i could feel his heart beating in my ear, it was like a war drum. I look up into the ink blotts and surrendered. He cups my face in his hand and sneaks his tongue into my mouth. Im startled, not expecting much from the date in general. I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss back. I feel like i've reached nirvana. Entangled in eachother, pulling into one another. I wanted to be close to Him.

He's shaking. I can feel his body quake. He's looking in my eyes and i feel violated. I feel like he can see right into me. He could read my mind if he really wanted to, he looked at me like he knew me so well. Writhing naked underneath him, he kisses me. He kisses me hard and soft, slow and fast. I cant keep my breath, i cant keep up. His skin is silky against mine.Our bodies could make flames with the pace we set, but we flow like water beside eachother. He touches my face and asks me if im okay. I reply with a bite, sure of my abilities.I was wrong. He was causing chaos and i realize i'm in over my head.It's a roller coaster of static under my skin and im on fire. Pulling him closer with my leg's embrace, i tell him im ready.
He gasps and digs deeper . I feel his lust through out my body, making my legs shake and my body rock. His body is solid against my softness and i tense against his pounding. The air is hot and sticky sweet. It was waves of euphoria with flashes of madness. He collapses on top of me and kisses my neck.
"I hope i didn't hurt you," He says while lighting two cigarettes. " I've just needed to touch you for so long.I was nervous.You're beautiful." He kisses my forehead, smiles, and licks my nipple. He is an astonishing specimen of the human male. We've just started off, and im scared. Scared of what i feel and how to not show it. i take a long drag from my cigarette and i smile.i touch his face.
"That was awesome. High five." I breathe out.Lifting my hand to meet his into the traditional High Five. He drives me home and he holds my hand the whole way. He tells me he wants to do everything right so we can be together. That he has to get 'some things' squared away.I know he's talking about his girlfriend.I feel bad, i feel sorry for her. Most of all i knew i would end up just like her.

We both have work tomorrow.I'm thinking of how im going to hide the ginormous smile when i walk into the building. I sleep on it, preparing myself for the shit people will say. My phone buzzes, I havent even taken off my shoes yet. " Ur awesome. have a good nite. ;)" I reply with a happy face and go to sleep.

" Oh my god, you fucked him didnt you?!" Amy yells from across the back of the restaurant.
I immediately blush and turn to put my purse away. I go straight to my register and clock in. I look through the main window and my heart flutters. He's parked in front of the restaurant and walking towards the front door, staring right at me.Smiling while taking a hit of his cigarette. He flicks it onto the sidewalk, exhales, and opens the door. I freeze, half smiling but screaming inside. He walks past me, winks, and clocks in. Amy stands next to me as i package cheese and pepper packets.We look out the window, avoiding eye contact, trying not to laugh.
Finally, she bursts, "How was it? Is he good? how big was his dick? did it last long?"
I laugh and tell her i dont know what she's talking about.She's not convinced.She knows we had sex.Everyone does.They can tell by the way we're playfully avoiding eachother.I could never live down the fuck-on-the-first-date jokes. I didnt care what they said.I was drowning in this man and i didnt want to be saved.

We would text every day, all day if we could.I would spend the night at his house after late nights at work. We would party with his brothers, my brother too. Everything fit just right. We were craving to be closer to eachother.To be able to see eachother more often. We went to parks on our off days, walked on trails, climbed trees, and rode swings. He was the Yin to my Yang.I was grateful for him, i adored him.
The next time we had a date night, i rented a hotel room. It felt so nice to sleep next to him and not be bothered.We didnt have to worry about someone knocking on the door or being seen naked. I told Him i loved him and he didnt say it back. He said he couldnt say it without feeling fair to me.My eyes tear up and he grabs my face.
"That doesnt mean i dont love you babe, it just means i cant say it without it being all the way right." He whispers.I can barely hear him, but it felt like he was yelling at me.He is all i've ever wanted in a mate.He's everything and then some, he had already stolen my heart.He wasn't even mine.We held eachother, unsure of what to say next.We fall asleep and the next day he said it was done, that he wanted me to be his and him to be mine.I was thrilled, in the pit of me, i felt a darkness.
It was Valentines Day and i was driving to his house.We're going to dinner and then getting a room. The chinese food was great.He opened doors and pulled out chairs just as he always did.I would always tell him to stop but he wouldnt.He was a gentleman most of the time.We were ready to be alone again.Driving up to the hotel i tell him its the first time ive celebrated a pointless holiday. He laughs and says, "its only going to get better."
We're in the room and he's drinking orange crush with whipped vodka. I have a small drink, but im not much for alot of alcohol.I pull out a small bag.We both take our ecstacy and begin to drink more. For us, drugs and sex were meant to go together.It just feels so amazing when the effects are at the peak, as well as our bodies.We're coming as close as we can.Skin slick with sweat and alcohol. Im numb, i can feel everything, my heart is racing. I let out a moan as he presses deeper into me. I roll through a wave and cum at the same time.He thrusts stronger, telling me he loves me, commanding me to cum for him.
" i want you to cum hard for me babe.you want me to make it hurt, you want it?" he whispered in my ear with his hand around my throat.He pressed lightly, feeling my pussy clench in reaction to his power. I whined a 'Fuck Yes' and he hammered into me. The rush sweeps over me again and my legs spasm. He bites my pierced nipple and i squeal. He makes my whole body twitch, he enjoys watching me in painful lust underneath him.I give all of myself to him. He can have me any way he wants.
"Oh fuck." I exhale when he lets his hand go. The black was slowly taking over my vision, his release was perfectly timed. He pulls out and brings his cock close to my face. I take him into my mouth, sucking off our sex.
He gives me a playful tap on the cheek with the tip and begins kissing me.Licking my neck, down to my chest, sucking my nipples.My insides feel like lava.He begins to bite down to my stomach, dipping his tongue in my belly button, kissing til he reaches my pussy.
He slips his tongue between my lips, lightly stroking my clit. My honey leaks onto his tongue and he slurps it up. He sucks my clit and pushes his middle finger into my pussy and his pinky into my ass. The nerve confusion sets me off, his hand is dripping, and im rocking against his face. He flicks his tongue back and forth, my hips swaying with the motion of his mouth. I feel him force another finger inside my pink and i squirm to make room.
"you're so tight babe, i love the way you taste.ride my face." He compliments then demands.Im in love with him.He's strong but passionate.He is my other half.I roll over onto his face and begin to ride him.I grind against his tongue slowly, building up tension.Rolling my body to the rhythm of the SIlversun Pickups playing in the back ground. He grabs my ass cheeks, squeezes them and slaps. I look down into his eyes and press my pussy harder on his face.He's smiling, watching my face pout, then smile, slapping my tits and pulling at my nipples. He focuses his energy on my clit.Flicking and turning, cradling the pearl on his tongue.i shake, i say his name, i scream and collapse. He's perfect.He kisses me, pulls me off of him and holds me tight.