So, I have a confession. More of an admission I guess.

I'm not homosexual, maybe I'm bisexual. It's hard to tell, because I've never been with a man. I've always loved women, and I'll never stop wanting them. But lately, I've been thinking about experimenting with being a "bottom".

I guess I should start from the beginning here. The last girl I was with, I guess it was a year or so ago, was the love of my life. I had finally found the girl I wanted to marry, to be with until one of us died. I was happy, and she was EXTREMELY adventurous sexually. Our first night together before we were a couple involved a threesome with her friend. It was actually initiated by her friend actually. That's another tale though.

SO, after we started really dating, things clicked quick, and we fell in love. Love isn't something that I throw around without meaning, she's actually the first of any of the girls I was with that I truly felt it for.

Sex was fantastic. We fucked like rabbits, we fucked in public, in my car, just, wherever, whenever. I STILL to this day dream about the sex. Well, while she would be blowing me, she would always massage around with her other hand, and one day, she went low and started pushing her finger against my asshole.

I never really got into the idea of having my ass fondled, but she was the kind of girl who would convince me to jump off of a cliff. I mean, this girl was heavenly, with a mix of the devil. Natural beauty, un-dyed Raven hair, tits that were out of this world, hell I doubt I'll ever do better.

Anyway, so she starts working around it, and I'm not so much in a panic, but just wondering what I should do. Damn if she didn't figure it out for me, a quick deep throat made me release whatever pucker I had as I felt the ecstasy of her pleasuring, and she worked her finger right in.

She looked at me, and just held her finger in as she stroked my cock with her other hand, and smiled. I smiled too, because, I loved her, in my head I was worried that if I enjoyed it, she might think I was weird.

Well, more and more times during sex, she would work her finger in during a blow job right to the point where she started working her finger in and out. I didn't stop her, because she enjoyed it, and honestly I did too now. It was an extra pleasuring to my already fantastic fucking.

I decided to pay her back with some ass play of my own one day, and I turned her on her belly as I massaged her, working down along the hump of her bottom, spreading her cheeks and working my tongue in. She moaned in joy as I tongued her ass and fingered her clit at the same time. I had never eaten a girl's ass before, but if there was a girl to try it on, it was her. I had fun, she was very clean, as am I, so I wasn't worried about anything "gross". Who am I kidding, I freaked out at first, but in the moment, you just go all in. You know it.

Well, the next night, she decided to PAY me back for her pleasure. She told me to lay on my back, because she wanted to give me a massage. I told her it wasn't a big deal, because massages didnt do it for me. They still really dont. I don't find them too erotic unless I get a bj at the end. Which I never did haha.

She playfully tells me to just do it, so I abide. She starts massaging me, and after a few moments, I realize she started working a lotion around my bottom. Now, I've been told that if I posted a picture of my ass, and hid the fact that I was a dude, I could have men jerking off to it. I've often considered doing it as a joke. Then revealing that the ass belonged to good ol' me. Anyway, back to the story..

She starts rubbing lotion on me, and beckons for me to get up on my knees and elbows. She starts to use the lotion to stroke my dick and balls, and it feels fucking fantastic. I'm wondering to myself, "My god, how can it get any more awesome??!!" When all of a sudden, I feel a warm moistness start to tickle around my cheeks. I tensed up when I felt her breath roll over my ass, a little warm air against my bottom.

Suddenly, she begins licking and rolling her lips around my ass hole as she strokes. I tried my best to not cum, but it was probably the best feeling I've ever had in my entire life. I came BUCKETS. I'm pretty sure I applauded her.

So, some time passes, and one day after lunch on a weekend, she tells me she wants to start using toys. Again, I've never used toys. Never really figured much for them, as I have the perfect toy for a girl right between the legs.

I tell her to get whatever she wants, and we'll try them out. So, a few days later a package from Amazon shows up at our door (we lived together for a bit in a nice rental house) and low and behold, she ordered a vibrating dildo.

I joked with her and said I was sad that she didn't think my dick was up to par anymore and she laughed and said that they were the same size, she just wanted to try a few things. So the night the dildo came, I was eager to see what she had in mind.

She asked me if I'd fuck her in her ass. I'd never had anal sex with a girl before. Don't get me wrong, I tried. My ex some time before her flew off the bed in pain because I was too big. And since then, its never really been anything I thought of doing. The vagina and mouth work just as well.

I said hell yeah, and after careful careful careful amounts of effort, we got it in, and the fuck began. At first it was slow, incredibly slow. Almost to the point where I was just wanting to take it out and fuck her normal. But, as she always did, she surprised me. She started fucking speeding up to the point where it was like I was railing away at her like normal. I still was careful, I'd read too many horror stories.

In all this, I'd forgotten about the dildo. The purple, ugly, veiny didlo. The damn thing sat next to her as I fucked her ass sideways.

Now, I've watched a lot of pornos. And they've been the best education a man could ever need. I grabbed the damn thing, I never held one before, so it was like holding another man's penis. Odd. I decided I was going to double penetrate my girlfriend. I slowed down enough to work it in, and with the satisfactory moan from her, I did my best to maintain a rhythm. Eventually, I handed the rains of ol' Veiny to her and it was epic. She came a lot, I came a lot, and it was a fantastic night.

A few nights later, because I was out of town, I came home to her in a sexy little number and the ol Veiny on the bed. I figured we'd be repeating the night we had earlier in the week, and I was excited. The way she could work a dick, damn I hate the guy who she's with now...

So, we set about it, and she gets the lube out and starts applying it all over the dildo. I kind of had an idea what she was up to. I'm not a moron, and I'm horny like 99% of the time. The other percent I'm sleeping. She asks if she can use it on me.

I stared at her for a while wondering if there was a wrong answer here. I didn't know if it'd be like Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade, where I had to "Choose Wisely", or not. I decided, since she and I had been having wild nights, what the hell. We only live once.

Well, haha, it didn't work out. I did not have the anal space for anything like that, and honestly, I was terrified. I could tell she was disappointed, but not completely downtrodden about it. She told me that we'd have to work up to it. I agreed, if only to appease her.

So over the next couple of months, she would use two fingers instead of one, increasing slowly to three, to the point where it almost hurt when she was working her hand in and out.

Well, things didn't work out between us, and we ended up breaking up before ol' Veiny ended up anywhere near my ass. This is where I'm at now, and I can't figure out what's going on in my head.

I've had thoughts about having a dick jammed into my ass, and it subsequently railing it. I mean, not just any dick, a fit, young fellow like myself. Not a beary old dude. I dunno, there's just something about it that turns me on. I dunno if its because I still am drawn back to the passion with my ex, and kind of "finishing" what we set out to do, or what. I mean if that was the case, I'd just stick a dildo up there and call it a day. I think there's more to it than that.

I have what some may say is a sexy penis. Its not ugly or funny looking, its just exactly what its supposed to be. And I think thats the kind of penis I'd hope for haha. I see some of them in porn, and its kind of a turn off. So, I know its not the penis that draws me.

I've thought, maybe just a girl with a strap on? But I dunno, I feel like if I were to go that far, why not have it be a real, pulsing, throbbing cock?

These are questions I ask myself all the time. I know I love women, but maybe I'm not opposed to the idea of an attractive man. Only sexually though. I couldn't have a "relationship", per se. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm a supporter of equal rights, politically, sexually, you name it. I'm just not gay in that way. If at all. I think its a sort of bicurious attraction that I'll never fullfill. I dunno. I just had to get it out I suppose. I don't really talk to anyone about my sexual habits, so I figure a sex message board might be the place to do it.

** Caution Gay sex ahead **

Quick Story Details:
I'm 38 Married 6'2" 212lbs fit, dabbled with some Bi stuff as a teenager, never did anything more than mustal hand jobs
Guy in question, My neighbors Son, 20 5'7" 150lbs? Trainer at a gym and is in incredible shape, 100% Gay

My wife is away on Girls weekend to Atlantic City, I just got back from a business trip. Neighbors Son, Jeremy is watching our dog. I come home a little earlier than expected about 9PM, and can't wait to hit my Jacuzzi after a long travel day. I come in, drop off my suitcases in the laundry room, strip down and stroll on out to the deck to the Jacuzzi where I see Jeremy hanging out with one of my beers in his hand!

We were both shocked. I just stood there naked like wtf and he tosses the beer and acts all embarrassed. I finally speak first and say...wth man, that's alcohol abuse, stay there. I go to he fridge grab 2 beers and come back and hand him one and tell him he's earned it for watching the dog. I then get in the Jacuzzi with him,

He's quiet for awhile and I'm just sighing, and relaxing, and he finally speaks up..."I hope you don't mind that I'm here, I thought you might be pissed!" I said, "No not at all, me Casa su Casa" It's then I noticed his clothes were on the chair next to the patio table. so I said..."Naked too huh?" He says, "yeah, I let Lucy out and it looked inviting, so I stripped down and came in" I said, don't worry about it, Baths are made to be Naked. You don't shower with a bathing suit on do ya?" he laughed..

We chatted more for about an hour each getting out here and there to piss and get more beers, but I won't bore you with that BS..

We get to talking about sex lives, and he's wondering how I handle long business trips with no sex, and I say, well I look forward to coming home and getting a BJ from the wife and fucking until the sun come's up, but unfortunately, she's not home, so I have to wait another day!"

He says, too bad you're not gay, because I've been staring at your cock all night, and I'd be happy to give you a BJ right now if you asked me!!

I admit I was little uncomfortable for about 3seconds, and then I lifted myself up to the end of the tub and sat down and told him....go for it...

He launched himself across the tub so fast that wave of water came up over the side along with him, as he hungrily sucked my cock, which was already hard, right into his mouth.

I never got a BJ from a guy before....he knew what to do!!

He was sucking, and stroking, and moaning, cupping my balls, kneeding them, taking me deep into the back of his throat, swallowing as much of me as he could fit. (proud 9.25") I told him I was going to cum soon....and he stops sucking me and squeezes my cock tight, looks up at me and says NOT YET!

He gets up goes to his clothes and back-pack and gets what looked like hand lotion. I could see his hard cock bouncing as he moved back and forth. he comes back and says, "I know that Maria (wife) doesn't like you to fuck her ass, (which is true, she'll do it, but she's not a fan at all!!) so now is your chance to fuck an ass HARD!!"

He gets back in the tub and bends over the side, takes the lotion and covers his asshole with it. I get behind him and press my hard cock against his hole, He says, Let Me, and he holds my cock steady in his hand as he rocks his ass back and forth on me getting it in ...working that hole open. I'm watching as my head presses in and out and in and out. He finally presses back more and my head pops all the way in...He let's out a "ohhhhh Goddd" and continues to press into me. (Holy shit was it tight!) He moves back right up to my balls, so slowly, and keeps saying, Fuckkk Fuckkkkk omg fuckkkk. He tells me not to move and I just stand there as we stand connected. He finally starts to move a little, and then a little more, eventually he's taking me out to my head and back down to the balls,,,slow at first but now faster. I'm just watching my huge cock disappear in that hole. He finally says...NOW, Do it now...fuck me Hard as you can!!!

Without hesitation I grabbed his hips and slammed into him. he started moaning so loud that he grabbed the towel we were using to dry off and stuffed it in his mouth to muffle his moans. I could feel my balls building but kept trying to hold back, wanting it to last longer. (Football Baseball, ice dancing, Naked Rosanne Barr, anything!!) I fucked him HARD for what seemed like a good 10minutes. I could feel him jerking his cock under us. I finally said.....I'm going to cum...He muffled,,,,CUMMM IN MEEE. I was cumming before he even got the last word out.....I pushed my cock as deep as I could get it and filled his ass with cum.

I stood there for while, expecting my erection to subside, but I was still rock hard, like I took a Viagra or something. Jeremy started to push back on me, I thought maybe he was trying to push me out, but instead I reached under him, and pulled him back to me and sat down back inside the Jacuzzi with me in his ass on my lap... I reached around and stroked his hard cock underwater.

He just said, fuckkk yes and started to grind his ass on my cock as I jerked him. I kept alternating hands, right hand, then left, then both...He'd bounce on my cock and then grind, and twist and make circular motions...I was still hard and I could feel cum building again. I jerked him faster and faster, he started convulsing and grinding on me faster...the waves in the tub were starting to be a problem...but finally he says....Fuckkkkk I'm cumming....and I could feel the cum pulse through his cock in my grip. With each pulse he'd thrust his hips upward and his ass would grip my cock and pull it so hard that I came in his ass for a 2nd time no more than 5seconds after he finished cumming.

This time, my cock subsided almost instantly and it worked its way out of his ass, along with a river of cum.

We both immediately got out of the tub and dried off, both out of breath and not saying a word. I finally said...Looks like I'll have to drain the tub. He said, well I'll come by to help if you need it.

I said, sure, but please know that this is our little secret, He assured me, that mums the word, and added..."Btw, have you ever had a cock in your ass?" I said, No, I just don't see me doing that, I may have to just draw the line at receiving a BJ and being the top to your bottom (with a laugh) " He said he'd be OK with that, and he left.

The following night my wife was home and we fucked until the sun came up per usual, but I have to admit....when I talked her into anal, I couldn't help but notice that Jeremy's ass seemed tighter than hers! I could just chalk it up to different lube, or her ass being used to my cock, but it was an odd realization. But once she took the toy in her pussy for some DP, that ass tightened up like a drum and I came HARD!

I admit that I want to fuck Jeremy again. I might even try a cock in my ass. Not sure. But definitely not in my mouth. I still prefer the taste of pussy vs cock!

Posted this confession as a response elsewhere. Someone asked if anyone had a sexual experience in prison that they would like to share. This was my reply:

Straight guy here. Was a short timer out of state. Didn't know anyone in the system... Not like most people would. So, in other words, no one would know me on the streets. And no one knew me FROM the streets. Annyway, this skinny white kid moves in. I'm of a mixed Hispanic-white descent. He is obviously gay. Talks like a girl and carries himself like a queer. He wasn't trying to fool anyone. I'm only 5-7 but I've got some height on him... And probably 20 pounds. He Asked if I'm cool with celling up with a homo. I tell him I don't care. As long as he respects me, I'll do the same. Everything is normal for a week or two when he starts going on about how he wants to be a professional massage therapist when he gets out. I'm like sure, that's cool... He asked me if he could massage my feet. I'm not really into it, and he starts acting like I'm homophobic. We didn't argue, but it got uncomfortable. He apologizes, saying that he thought I was cool, and mature enough to allow him to message me without it getting weird.

What follows is maybe 3 hours of me allowing him to do more and more things to me. Starting with my left foot. He basically spit some pretty good game on me. Eventually, I was laying down on my stomach in my boxers. He was using some of the more expensive lotion and it was really fucking nice. I was in excellent shape (six pack and all) and my body was always sore. He continually complimented me. Making me feel comfortable and feeling good about myself.

Eventually he asked me to turn over. I was still limp, sense it wasn't in any real way SEXUALLY stimulating to me. It felt great. I was very relaxed. But it was just a massage to me.

So, now I'm on my back in just my boxers and His hands would move higher and higher on my legs. He would sometimes brush up against my balls, but it felt good. Again, I'm still limp. I wasn't even focused on whether or not I was getting hard. I was in the moment. It was an excellent massage. I am very sensitive in that area, just like anyone else.

Then he asked me to remove my boxers. I kinda freeze up and just open my eyes and stare for a second at the bunk above me. He asked again and says it's cool and begins to pull them down. I then say no. I start to sit up and push his hands off. He puts his hands up like everything's cool. He says something like: no problem, no worries, it's OK, just turn back over and I'll message your gluts. He says that he can tell I'm carrying a lot of stress in my gluts. And this kinda surprised me. I've wrestled all my young adult life, and I've had athletic trainers and physical therapist tell me the same thing. It has caused a lot of discomfort for me. Something about my ass muscles pulling my spine out a wack.

So I turn back over. And he starts massaging my butt muscles. And this... This felt so fucking good. I started to make noises. I didn't care. I was probably breathing hard earlier, but now I was moaning a little. He then let his hands slip under my boxers. A little at first. Then he was cresting over my ass. My butt is a bit round... And, at least at the time, firm.

Someplace in the back of my mind I knew he was going for it, but it felt so good I stopped careing. So, when he pulled down on my boxers, I lifted my hips up and they came right off. He just kept massaging my ass cheeks. He probably rubbed my ass for another 20 minutes. It was great. I felt stress leaving my body. It was truly therapeutic. I felt grateful in that moment. Being naked and having lotion rubbed on me by a gay guy in prison didn't matter to me. at least not in that moment.

Then he said turn over.

And I did. I didn't even blink. I rolled over, my eyes still closed. And I was still completely relaxed. Almost sleepy. And also still very limp. I was very aware of my limpness. I'm not a hung guy. Coming in at nearly 6 inches when I'm really hard, I remember that I was mildly concerned with how limp I was. But he just started massaging my legs again and working the insides of my thighs. He would go up to my chest and down my stomach, barely brush over my cock and balls, and rub my legs again. He would reach under me and kneed my ass, then come back over my hips and brush over my dick and back up my stomach or down my legs. It felt fantastic. And I was still limp. I didn't know what to think of that.

I wasn't in any hurry for him to finish the massage. I was in my bed and if I fell assleep, so what? It felt good and I was feeling really good about all of it. I can recall my mind just wondering around out in the real world. That is, I was in a happy place. Thinking about the outside. Enjoying some tender soft hands touching me all over. So what if he lingered a little longer over my dick every time he touched it. It felt good. So what if at some point he would be holding both my cock and my balls in one hand, squeezing it firmly and letting go. I was STILL limp! And still so relaxed that I just didn't care.

And then I felt his warm mouth completely enclose around my dick. My limp dick... Lol. But it was nice. And I didn't do shit about it. He had my dick in his mouth, sucking softly and still running his hands up and down my legs. I can still remember how he just held my dick in his mouth and suckeled on it like a baby. His mouth was warm and his tongue would press on it and it felt fantastic. He would then softly suck on my balls and move back to my dick. It may seem funny, but this still felt therapeutic to me. I was becoming even more relaxed. Prison is a stressful place. And this was just what I needed.

Then he did something that my body automatically responded to... He began to lick and suck my tate. (That spot between your asshole and balls). And my cock got hard almost instantly. It was crazy. He says: oh, god, poppy! I'm actually a little embarrassed. But he wasted no time. He says oh God poppy and takes my whole cock in his mouth and starts to suck it like he's gonna make a million dollars.

Now, there are two things about to impress this guy whom had probably sucked a lot of dicks. First: I'm a hard cummer under NORMAL circumstances. Second: I don't cum so easy by blow job. I was with the same women for 8 years and she hated the taste of cum. So I'd stop her when I got close. We would wait a few seconds and she would start again.. After a few years of that, I didn't have to stop her no more. A mental block. After that relationship was over, I would hence -forth need a lot of hand action. Basically, all blowjobs turned into hand jobs at my request. But in this case, I wasn't about to request shit. It was probably after midnight and we had 5 hours before the night shift did there job. So he sucked my cock for a good long time. Even started to slow down a little towards the end. He took it upon himself to use his hand more and more often.

But eventually I did cum. And it was like a release that ranks up there in my top ten. I saw him squint and swallow twice. He had to, cause I just kept cumming. When he could finally talk he starts going on about how I SHOOT cum. I laughed and figured maybe he didn't suck so many dicks as I originally thought. He's was probably 22 years old.

That's my story of gay shit in prison. I ended up moving out of that cell maybe 2 days later. We didn't do anything else. I would have, probably, but I think we where both intent on not being the instigator. He asked me if we would and I said I'd let him know. And then I left.

I've sense then have had my cock sucked by a few other guys. And on one occasion I fucked this very feminine Puerto Rican kid. He was 19 and probably destined to transition. But those are other confessions I guess.