They were playing the Eagles game at the restaurant that I work at. The manager was being very cool about us watching the game with customers. Very cool about us watching the game instead of polishing silverware, folding napkins, etc.

My tables were all taken care of so I started watching the game.

And then I said “Yeah!! Nice! First down!”

Then I looked a bit closer.

“Oh! Wrong team!!”

A waitress rolled her eyes at me. “Yeah… Jimbo… I was kind of wondering there.”

So I’m not quite the american football fan that I pretend to be.

Kind of embarrassing.

Anyways, I didn’t immediately notice that the opposing team had our green colors.

I made this post in response to Viper2121's memo stating that chat needs me to be online saying stupid stuff so that folks have something to laugh at. So when i'm not on chat here is some stupid stuff i say in real life.

Hot hot stepdaughter
#1I confess that my 28 year old stepdaughter gets me sexually aroused. She has turned into such a beautiful woman. Every time I see her I get an instant hard on. I dream of cumming on her pretty face.
Recently that dream became reality.
My stepdaughter no longer lives in the same city as us so I don't see her often. But when I do I get an instant bone.
Recently my stepdaughter was in to town to visit us and friends for a few days. We still had her old room setup in the basement so she had a place to stay.
On the 2nd night of her visit she was going out for drinks with some friends. She was all dolled up wearing a tight little black dress. She was so hot. A friend picked her up and off they went. My wife and I stayed home and watched some tv.
Later in the evening my stepdaughter called us asking if we could pick them up because they drank way too much. So we jumped in the SUV and picked up her and 2 of her friends. We dropped her friends off then proceeded home. When we got there the stepdaughter was unable to walk on her own. We helped her to the house and downstairs to her room. We turn on the lamp on the nightstand in her room so we could see. We sat her on the bed. She fell back onto the bed and out pretty much out immediately. Still wearing that little back dress. We left her there and went back up to the main floor.
I wanted to finish watching a movie but my wife was tired and wanted to go to bed. So she went to our room which was upstairs. So my wife is upstairs, stepdaughter downstairs and I'm on the main floor watching a movie. But thinking about my stepdaughter.
I'm rubbing my hard cock over my pants thinking of her. I then pull my cock out and start stroking thinking about how much I want to unload on her pretty face. Then it dawn's on me. Why just think about it. I get up off the couch and head downstairs stroking my cock the entire time.
I enter her room. The lamp is still on. Not a bright lamp but enough that I could clearly see my stepdaughter lying there. Still in the same position we left her. On the left side of the bed lying flat on her back.
I'm a few feet away from her stroking my cock. Slowly getting closer until I'm right up to the bed. I'm now stroking my cock right above her face. My god she is so hot. I'm going to cum. So I stop stroking and turn around and walk away thinking cumming on her is a bad idea. But I turn back and look at her and I can't resist. I go back to the side of her bed and slowly stroke my cock over her face. Every time I'm getting close to cumming I stop stroking for a few moments.
Eventually I get the nerve to touch her face with the head of my cock. I lightly touch her forehead and quickly pull my cock away. My cock got even harder. I repeat this touching different areas of her face with my cock. Her nose, left cheek, chin. I was scared to touch her lips thinking she would wake. Eventually I did touch her lips. She didnt wake.
These were just very quick and light touches. I escalate more. I'm now stroking my cock while rubbing it on her face. From forehead to nose to cheek and mouth. I have never been this horny before. I am going to explode but I tell myself that I will stop and turn away before I cum.
It's too late. As I'm rubbing my cock on her left cheek I explode. Across her left cheek and over her lips. I then shoot a stream of cum on her nose and between the eyes. The a couple of more streams on her forehead and in her hair. Then I went back to her mouth with the last few drops between her lips.
When finished I smeared my load allover her face with my cock the gave her a couple of slaps on the face with my cock. Maybe too hard. She regained consciousness briefly. She looked at me and saw my cock which was still very close to her face. She wiped some cum from her left eye then rolled on her side and went back to sleep.
I left thinking how am I going to explain this. I was sure she would tell her mother. The next morning my stepdaughter had a shower first thing in the morning washing off any evidence. We sat at the breakfast table and no one mentioned it. I don't think my stepdaughter knew what happened. She was incoherent.
I have never been that horny and excited in my life.

Here is how I got to mess around with two of my friends during our senior year of college. Names have been changed to protect identities. I will also warn you - this will probably end up long.

SO I knew Ashley and Sara since our freshman year. They had been roommates since the first semester, and we all had History together. We had been the best of friends throughout college, although none of us had done anything sexual together. My parents lived not too far from college, and they decided to take a winter vacation to a tropical The house was empty, which meant a perfect studying place for exams. I invited Ashley and Sara to join, since I knew all of us liked studying together, even if it was for different classes.

I should take a moment to describe Ashley and Sara. They are really polar opposites of each other. Sara is tall and slender, white complexion, with (I would estimate) B cups, a flat ass, and blonde hair. Ashley is 6'2", a little chunkier, is a little darker (basically looks like she has a natural tan), has huge tits (they look like fucking watermelons), a huge ass, and brown hair.

We ate dinner at college first then drove to my parents house. We decided that it was a little late to start studying, so we decided to drink in my parents half finished basement (half finished as in my dad started to finish it, but got distracted and never completed the project). We had an old couch and a bean-bag like chair with a mini-fridge stocked with some of my dads beer. We broke out the beer and start drinking while talking about random topics. Ashley and Sara were on the couch and I was on the chair. Ashley and I were three beers in, Sara was still milking her second. This was on-pace for us, and based on past experiences, I knew we were all buzzed. I got up and went upstairs to pee. As I got to the top of the stairs, I heard Sara say that she was going to go pee too.

Now, my parents house has two bathrooms somewhat close to each other on the first floor. I figured I would be polite and went to the further bathroom, leaving the closer one for Sara. I partially close the bathroom door and pulled out my dick when I hear the door open and Sara say "OH MY GOD." I look over, and she is staring at my dick. I close the door in her face and finish peeing. After I finished, I opened the door and she was still standing there. She said "I AM SO SORRY. I thought you were in the other one, that door was closed. And holy shit you have a big dick."

Let me stop again and explain. I hate to brag, but I will anyway. Yes, girls are routinely impressed by my dick. That is because it is huge and long while soft, but does not get that much longer hard. It mostly just gets thicker.

Anyway, I didnt say anything and went back downstairs. Sara came running down a minute later saying "Oh my god Ash, you have to see his dick. It is huge." Ashley smiled and said that she has seen plenty of huge dicks. Sara said "Yeah I know. I mean, not to sound like a slut but I have seen a ton of dicks too, but it was really big even soft".

So they start talking about guys and their dicks for a while. I was starting to think they forgot about me when Ashley turned to me and said "well, now I am curious. You willing to show me?"

Ok, sorry for the interruption again. There really was no good time to mention this before. Sara and Ashley had both been single for a couple of months, and I had been single for about 5. I was pretty certain neither of them had gotten laid in that time span, since I would usually hear about it.

I laughed and said that I would feel a little uncomfortable just randomly taking it out, and that Sara only saw it because she accidently walked in on me peeing. Ashley said "So what, I have to wait until you have to pee again?" It sounded like she was waiting for an answer, so I said "yeah, I guess." She countered with "What if I showed you my boobs?"

Well that took me by surprise. And I think Sara was surprised by it too. I thought Ashley was talking out of her ass and would never flash, so I said "sure, why not." In one move she sat up and grabbed her shirt and lifted it up, showing her bra. Then she lifted her bra up and her boobs flopped out. Holy shit, they were big and perfect. I should point out that the couch and chair were only a few inches apart..we were sitting really close to each other. So they were almost in my face. She shook her shoulders and her tits swayed back and forth, then she pulled her bra back down, fixed her boobs, and pulled her shirt back down. Sara looked shocked (almost a little horrified).

Ashley looked at me and said "Ok, it's your turn." I really didnt want to, but I pulled my dick out of my pants. By this point, the conversation and staring at her tits had made my dick semi hard. I shook it a brief second, and Ashley said "that doesn't count, it is hard!"

I laughed and said "Well yeah, boobs will do that." Ashley said that she wanted to see it soft, so I told them to change the subject. So Ashley turned to Sara and started talking to her about some on-campus event later that week. All while I sat there on the chair with my dick out. And it only took a minute until it was soft. I saw Sara glancing at it out of the corner of her eye, and she turned and said "oh, it is probably soft again."

I looked down and confirmed that yes, it was soft. Ashley said "bullshit" and leaned over and grabbed my dick with her hand. I heard Sara yell "ASH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING??" and Ashley laughed and said "oh man, that is large and soft. Jeez, how big does it get?" She then started stroking it.

I kinda gripped the sides of the chair, not too sure what to do. It got hard almost instantly, and Ashley said "oh, not that much longer, but pretty thick." She didnt stop stroking though, and only a few strokes after she said "Uhm, I dont know where I am going with this..." and then she laughed. I said "yeah, what are you doing?" and Sara yelled "ASH STOP THAT!!"

From someone standing in the room, it was probably a funny scene: Sara staring (with a horrified and uncomfortable look on her face) at Ashley's hand stroking my dick, Ashley staring at her hand stroking my dick, and me looking at my dick, then at Ashley, then at Sara, and then back at my dick, all in a loop.

Ashley then looked at Sara and said "here, feel this." Sara yelled "NO! It's Mark...I wont touch his dick! And you shouldn't be either." Ashley said "Shut up, just touch it." They bickered back and forth for a minute before Ashley grabbed Sara's hand and forced it on my dick. Either Sara was not expecting it and didnt have a chance to fight back, or she just didn't fight back at all.

So Sara's hand was on my dick. She squeezed it and the look on her face went from horrified to amazement. "Wow, that IS thick..." She then picked it up and gently started stroking. She took both hands and gently stroked with both hands for a few seconds, before going back to one hand. Meanwhile, Ashley was still staring at my dick. She pushed her hair to the side, and then leaned over and put her mouth around the top of my dick.

Sara pulled her hand back and said "Ash, what are you doing now???" Ashley took my dick out of her mouth and said "Shh, I am just doing this for a few seconds." She then proceeded to take my dick back in her mouth and bobbed her head up and down my shaft. She actually got it pretty far down her throat. She held her finger to the side of my dick to show how far it went. She turned to Sara and said "Ha, beat that."

Sara said "I probably could, but we shouldnt and your mouth was just all over his dick." Ashley said "who cares..bet you cant do it anyway." Sara looked at my dick for a few seconds, then leaned in and put her mouth around the head and slowly it went down her throat. And it went further than Ashley...it didnt seem like it wasnt even that difficult to her.

She pulled up, then sucked a few seconds, bobbing up and down, then took it out of her mouth and turned to Ashley and said "see, told ya."

Sara and I then realized that Ashley's hand was down her pants, playing with her pussy. Sara yelled "ASH! Really? Right here in front of us??" Ashley said "oh shut up, its not like we have not masturbated before when sharing a room." Sara said "YEAH, but we were each in our own beds, with the lights off." Meanwhile, without thinking, I was slowly stroking my dick. Sara sees me and says "MARK! Come on, we aren't supposed to be doing this stuff together.." I shrugged and said "Ash started it."

Ashley stood up and started to take off her pants. Sara started to say something, but Ashley said "Come on, we are all good friends, let's each just have a little fun." She took off all her clothes and sat back on the couch naked, with her finger in her pussy. Ashley could see that Sara looked uncomfortable, so Ashley said "It's not like we haven't seen each other naked. You can just close your eyes if you want." Ashley then fixated her eyes on my dick and continued to stroke her pussy. I stared at her pussy and tits, and glanced over to Sara from time to time. Sara sat on the couch, looking around the room and , from time to time, at Ashley and back over to me.

I saw she was looking at my dick a little longer, and slowly started to reach her hand down her pants. Ashley saw too, and said "you know Sara, it isnt really fair that you are still clothed."

Sara thought for a minute, then stood up and slid off her pants, but stopped and said "this stays a secret..." then continued to take off her underwear, shirt, and bra.

I should take a break here and say that this all happened within a few minutes, but it really seemed like much longer.

Anyway, Ashley is slouched spread eagle on the couch while Sara's legs are conservatively spread. Both are looking at my dick, but Ashley is also glancing over at Sara. I think Ashley was getting bored, because she whispered "you have a condom?" Sara's hands stopped moving, and she just stared at Ashley. I said "yeah, probably in my bag," and I reached over and looked through the front pocket. I had a few, and pulled one out. Ashley got up, snatched it from my hand and ripped the packaging open. Before I could even move, Ashley had the condom on my dick and she was standing over me, rubbing my dick on her pussy lips.

Sara started to get up and said "I should probably leave you guys down here..." Ashley said "No, just stay. I dont care," and I just shrugged my shoulders. Ashley's tits were swinging in my face, and I grabbed her boobs and sucked on her nipples. I looked up, and she started making out with me. I could see Sara out of the corner of my eye, and she was looking at us and masturbating slowly.

She got up off me, and I thought the fucking was over. But she turned around and sat on my dick backwards, facing the couch. I reached around and grabbed her tits as they bounced. She grabbed Sara's leg and pulled her closer. Before Sara could say anything, Ashley was bent over and her tongue was between Sara's legs. Sara's eyes closed, her mouth opened, and for once she looked like she was enjoying herself.

Holy fuck, this seems much longer written out. My fingers legit hurt. I will come back later to finish. If you have reached this far, CONGRATS. I doubt many will actually make it this far though.

every day i feel closer to my death. i already imagined how it would be. i just hope my room mates don't freak out when they find my body.

So, there's this series of pics where they show a girl clothed, then show her naked from different angles (front, left, right, back), and then two more (closer) front and back pics. I gotta wonder, how come up with this idea? It's kind weird really cause the girls aren't really posed to be erotic looking, seems more like a "security footage" or motion capture photos or something.

Guess I'm just curious who took them and what the thought process was behind them...

425B77

jerquer 9.1K

Hey I notice as the classifieds has scammers using pictures on motherless maybe. Just watch out.sasty to pickfrom another note. I have a women that basically likes cheating roleplsy, enjoy pleasing meand other men. I go by concent ofcourse. I do not want her join. However if closer to me. I'll be skull fuckin her face

When I was 18 I ventured to the seedy section of Boston called the Combat Zone. I heard all the sordid stories of prostitutes and strippers as well as the crime and how rough it was. I was curious to what really went on down there so one night I skipped out on my friends and headed into Boston to check it out. I was 5'11 long blonde hair and weighed 135lbs. I had on jeans and a t-shirt and definitely peeked the interest of a few men as I walked down the street. I was new to sex with girls and had never had sex with a guy. I knew I wasn't gay or anything like that. I walked by a few strip bars and some adult book stores and came to one that looked interesting. I didn't see anyone in the store so I went in.

As I walked in I was stopped at the counter by the clerk who asked me for my ID. I gave him my drivers license and he laughed and said sure kid have fun. I was very young looking. I was 18 but I looked closer to 14 or 15. I walked up and down the aisles looking at the huge collection of porn magazines and sex toys. When I came to the back of the store I saw another section called Peep Booths. I asked the guy who was sitting at the desk what it was. He asked if I had ever been to a peep show before. I told him no I hadn't he said well its a bunch of booths inside where a person can go and watch some porn videos. I asked how much it was and he said $3 minimum. I gave him a $5 dollar bill and he gave me my tokens. He said go inside and find a booth and enjoy. I took my tokens and walked inside. It was so dark I could hardly see my own hand in front of me. As I walked along I felt hands grabbing my cock and ass. I kept moving not stopping. I walked up and down through this maze of booths and came to one that I thought I would try. I went inside and locked the door behind me and put a token in the machine and the video started playing. As the video played I could see in the booth and noticed a hole on one side of the booth. I looked down and saw a man in the other booth obviously jerking off. I sat up on the chair and watched my video. When the time expired I put another token in.
I then heard a knock on the door and a man said open the door please. I thought it was the man from upfront but when I unlocked the door a black guy pushed his way inside and told me to be quiet. I was very scared. He asked why I was there and I said I was just watching a video. He asked me if I sucked cock and I told him no I was straight. He laughed and said that doesn't mean anything. Lots of straight guys suck dick. I then noticed that he had his cock out. It was very big. Much bigger than my 5.5 inch cock. He told me to suck his cock. I told him I didn't want to. That's when he took out a bottle and said here sniff this it will make you feel better. I didn't know what they were. I asked and he said they were called poppers. I took a sniff and all of a sudden I felt so lightheaded like I was high. I had no control and I went to me knees. The guy then took my head and shoved his cock into my mouth. Suck it he said. I didn't know what to do my head was spinning. I began sucking his cock and I could taste his salty precum. He was holding my head shoving his black cock deep into my throat making me gag. First time my ass he said. You're a natural. I was starting to get my head straight when he stuck the bottle under my nose and told me to sniff it again. I did and it all started again. My head was spinning. I felt helpless and was doing what he told me to do. Then I heard him unlock the door. I saw out of the corner of my eye the door open and could see 2 or 3 guys standing there watching as I sucked my first cock. About 5 mins later I felt him pull my head closer and he shot his load into my mouth and told me to swallow it. I was choking and trying to swallow but it was too much. I spit some out and it landed on my shirt. He let go of my head and I sat there on the floor looking up. Then he got out and another guy got in. He took his cock out and told me to suck him. Feed him some poppers I heard a voice say and the bottle was placed at my nose for me to inhale. I knew what to do at this point and inhaled. Then opened my mouth to take this new guys cock. He was also black and very fat. I sucked his cock and he came rather quickly. Another guy came in and said he wanted my hole. I was pleading for him to not do it. But he pulled my pants down and spun me around and told me to bend over. I did and he again fed me some poppers. He said this will make it better and I felt his cock press against my virgin asshole. I wanted to scream but my head was still spinning and I felt him enter me. I couldn't believe all of this was happening to me. I felt his cock open my tight hole and slide in and out. His balls were slapping my balls as he thrust in and out. That's it baby take that dick. You like it don't you he said and I said no. Then another person held the poppers under my nose again. They were controlling me with these poppers. He fucked my ass and shot his load deep in me. When he pulled out I felt his cum run down my legs. He was then replaced by another and then another. In all I took 4 cocks up my ass and sucked off 4. They all left me there when they were done using me and I sat in the booth crying my eyes out. I was so ashamed and didn't want to leave. After about 30 mins I gathered myself up and walked out. Not making eye contact with anyone. When I got outside there were 3 or 4 guys standing outside and I walked past them. As I walked by they said good night sweet cheeks and all laughed. I felt like shit. I kept walking even when a prostitute asked me if I wanted a date. I kept that story to myself until just now. I now know this was my reason for becoming bi later in life.

New couple open to get closer and explore together. What to watch together or get into? Add a request if you'd like to give more details to making our desires grow wild. 

I confess that i am a big fan of the TV show "The Closer". It was fucking awesome tonight when Brendas mom died.

I found this old polaroid picture in my wife's closet of some dude with a boner and then I take a closer look and it's her fucking brother. WTF is going on here?

Stolen, but hilarious:
What do smoking a cigarette and eating pussy have in common?
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The taste gets stronger the closer you get to the butt! :3