My Toilet Interests
Warning: If this isn't your personal thing, or you find the topic offensive, I'd stop reading now.
I very briefly considered posting this anonymously, but then thought that would be silly - as my online profile here is pretty much anonymous anyway. Also, the point of my being here is to be honest about everything in a way that I can't be in real life. It's bad enough keeping secrets from the people I know, I'm not about to start feeling ashamed about any of my interests when I'm here.
Like a whole bunch of other taboos, I grew up thinking that bodily functions were dirty and never to be talked about - aside from in a joking and deprecating fashion. Sure, you can joke about it but it's not something that's "polite", or "healthy" in a casual topic-of-dinner-conversation fashion. Also, like most other taboos, children don't have any inhibitions when it comes to this. By default, they *don't* think that it's disgusting or to be avoided. It's only when parents and society drill those thoughts into them that they end up feeling that way. (I often think that society itself is the worst form of child abuser and source of sexual dysfunction later on in life.)
So, like most people, it was my belief that pissing and shitting was something to be acknowledged but never actively discussed. It was also something that should always be done behind closed doors. (Aside from public urinals in men's bathrooms - a strange kind of "abeyance" of the normal social rule - where it's okay to pee in front of other men in a way that would be totally unacceptable in the privacy of a home.)
I further believed that both piss and shit were bad, harmful byproducts that were expelled from the body because they weren't good for it. When later realizing the sexualized kink genre around this, I was repelled and, intellectually, amazed (in a negative way) that anybody could even contemplate this. I couldn't understand the pleasure, let alone why somebody would risk illness in order to play with, or ingest, something that shouldn't have any contact with anybody once out of the body.
Of course, there were some interesting things that I came across in the media:
- If you get stung by a stingray, and there is no other method of treatment, it's beneficial to have somebody pee on the wound.
- If you find yourself in the desert, or otherwise dying from deydration, you can prolong your life by drinking your own urine.
- There is a relatively recent medical treatment called "fecal microbiota transplantation" (more commonly known as a stool transplant) where feces are transplanted from a healthy donor to a patient suffering from a C.difficile infection. This apparently serves to restore the "colonic flora" in the patient so that they can fight off their illness better. (And from what I understand it actually has quite good results - the stumbling block being the "ick" factor to the treatment.)
So, if waste products are so unhealthy for you - how is it that their use can be recommended, or it can be said that they are also healthy in some cases?
A little over 10 years ago I was on a business trip. This was also around the time that I'd gradually become more and more interested in all sorts of different types of sex acts - looking up video clips and pictures, even of things that didn't actually appeal to me just because I was curious. (I don't actually know if they didn't appeal to me at *some* level, or if it just became the case that the more I was exposed to various things the more open minded I became.) In any case, one of the books that I'd taken with me (I'm an avid reader) involved modern day witches. In one of the descriptive scenes, it talked about a group of people who believe in drinking a certain amount of urine on a daily basis - because they believed it actually improved their health, far from negatively impacting it. This is known as "urine therapy". There are several well-known figures who have practised it.
I did a bit of searching on the Internet and found out that the author wasn't just making this up. Once it exits the body, urine is sterile and doesn't contain anything in it any more harmful than tap water. The only way you can become ill by drinking urine is if comes from somebody who's unhealthy. If the donor's healthy, there is no problem.
I thought about some of the golden shower pictures and clips I'd seen. Taking this new information into consideration, it acted as a way of giving me "permission" to try something that I had previously thought was bad for me - but which, apparently, wasn't. (I knew I wasn't suffering from any diseases or other illness.) So, one night after returning from dinner after a work-related training session, I started looking at golden shower porn, and got myself a bit drunk - as well as excited. I held my erect cock and peed into a hotel room cup. With only a bit of hesitation I took a sip. It tasted essentially no different than water. At the time I was quite well hydrated, the urine was a clear colour - not yellow - and it didn't have the normal "ammonia" smell or taste that you'd get from somebody not hydrated. And I got a huge kick out of doing something so "wrong". I ended up drinking the whole thing.
When I woke up the following morning I wasn't hydrated anymore - and I was neither drunk nor aroused. Still, I made myself repeat what I'd done the night before. This time, the urine was so strong that I couldn't take more than a small sip.
But I've gone back to it over the years - and grown more accustomed to the taste. I've also enjoyed peeing on myself in the shower. And I've looked at a lot more golden shower porn. I still haven't done anything related to this with a partner, but believe I would enjoy it. I'd very much like to lick and suck a woman, and drink from her as she pees directly into my mouth. I'd also like to pee inside her after cumming.
Even though I'd got past the golden showers, I still had an aversion to scat. But my interest slowly grew despite that. At one point I found myself on a scat board, reading various posts, and I also followed the autobiographical stories of several scat pornstars who talked about how they trained themselves and didn't suffer any negative consequences. It turns out that feces are mostly composed of water. The remainder, when coming from a healthy person - and in particular from your *own* body - has little risk of causing illness. Yes, you *can* get ill from eating shit but, as with being cautious about the STD status of your parther, if you make sure to only consume from somebody healthy, and just a little here and there, there isn't really a reason for concern. Assuming that the arousal you feel from doing so outweighs the possible problems, it's no different a risk than any number of other regular activities could be.
I started experimenting with shit a couple of years ago, although nothing major and only infrequently. I would occasionally wipe myself with a finger, or insert it, and then lick it off and swallow the small amount I found there. When surfing porn, I frequently finger myself and then lick it after - but rarely does that produce anything at all.
Interestingly, I've found that shit tastes a bit like bitter chocolate. It's not nearly as bad as I'd thought it would be from its smell. Even more interesting, once I discovered I didn't hate the taste, my perception of the smell itself also changed. Whereas before it smelled "like shit" I actually came to enjoy the aroma. (At least of my own.)
Just tonight, thanks to some like-minded contacts here whose example has "encouraged" me, I spent some time on the toilet very slowly squeezing out a piece the length of a finger into my hand. I had felt it when I inserted my fingers, so I knew it was there, but it was a suprisingly "difficult" process to work my muscles to expel it slowly without it just shooting out as I've had it do my whole life. (There is definitely a bit of a learning curve for anybody wanting to preserve it for use.) Before I could think better of it, I put it in my mouth. I left it there as I finished doing my business on the toilet. There was definitely a bit of a thrill. It was the first time I'd ever had a piece of shit in my mouth, and I liked the idea of what I was doing. However, at the same time, I was fighting against all of my years of conditioning against this very idea. I couldn't bring myself to do more than hold it in my mouth. I couldn't bring myself to squish any part of it with my tongue, let alone chew or swallow any of it. I finally ended up spitting it out and flushing it. At this point, I am both excited at having made progress towards the long-term goal of being able to legitimately call myself a "shit eater" (something that, perversely, sends shivers of pleasure through me at the thought) but also somewhat disappointed. I believe I will need to work on putting a much smaller quantity into my mouth next time and eating it. Once I can get myself used to the idea - and "decondition" my mental reactions - I think I'll have no problem handling this more easily.
As with drinking pee directly from the source, a long-term fantasy is to rim someone and then to eat their shit directly from them. I'm not a fan of messy scat, or of "smearing" - both of which seem to be the most popular of the genre. I'm only really interested in the consumption of scat, and mainly when deposited directly from the ass to the mouth.
