I can never seem to get laid because I am too nice and I am too honest. Everyone tells me to be a jerk and to lie to women but I keep telling myself I will find some who likes me for who i am. Women never believe me when I say I have never been in a relationship because they do consider me attractive. I can never get past being just friends even if I tell a girl from the very beginning that I want more than just a friendship. I don't like men but sometimes i think if I were bi I would have a 50% more chance of getting laid. Everything else in my life is exceptionally great. this is the one department where i suck at life. I'm not suicidal or anything stupid like that, I'm just frustrated that ALL the women I have known (save for a small handful) complain about their jerk boyfriends that are lairs and cheaters. I am not perfect, i do lie, we all do, but I am too honest 90% of the time and would never dare cheat on my partner (if i had one). What gives?

I didn't write this, I saw it in Playboy once, enjoy.

There once was a boy named Gimme-Some-Roy... He was nothin' like me or you,
'cause laying back and getting high was all he cared to do.

As a kid, he sat in the cellar...sniffing airplane glue. And then he smoked banana peels, when that was the thing to do. He tried aspirin in Coca-Cola, he breathed helium on the sly, and his life became an endless search to find the perfect high.
But grass just made him wanna lay back and eat chocolate-chip pizza all night,
and the great things he wrote when he was stoned looked like shit in the morning light.

Speed made him wanna rap all day, reds laid him too far back, Cocaine-Rose was sweet to his nose, but the price nearly broke his back.

He tried PCP, he tried THC, but they never quite did the trick. Poppers nearly blew his heart, mushrooms made him sick. Acid made him see the light, but he couldn't remember it long. Hash was a little too weak, and smack was a lot too strong. Quaaludes made him stumble, booze just made him cry, Then he heard of a cat named Baba Fats who knew of the perfect high.

Now, Baba Fats was a hermit cat...lived high up in Nepal, High on a craggy mountain top, up a sheer and icy wall. "Well, hell!" says Roy, "I'm a healthy boy, and I'll crawl or climb or fly,
Till I find that guru who'll give me the clue as to what's the perfect high."

So out and off goes Gimme-Some-Roy, to the land that knows no time, Up a trail no man could conquer, to a cliff no man could climb. For fourteen years he climbed that cliff...back down again he'd slide . . .
He'd sit and cry, then climb some more, pursuing the perfect high.

Grinding his teeth, coughing blood, aching and shaking and weak, Starving and sore, bleeding and tore, he reaches the mountain peak. And his eyes blink red like a snow-blind wolf, and he snarls the snarl of a rat,
As there in repose, and wearing no clothes, sits the god-like Baba Fats.

"What's happenin', Fats?" says Roy with joy, "I've come to state my biz . . .
I hear you're hip to the perfect trip... Please tell me what it is. "For you can see," says Roy to he, "I'm about to die, So for my last ride, tell me, how can I achieve the perfect high?"

"Well, dog my cats!" says Baba Fats. "Another burned out soul, Who's lookin' for an alchemist to turn his trip to gold. It isn't in a dealer's stash, or on a druggist's shelf... Son, if you would find the perfect high, find it in yourself."

"Why, you jive mother-fucker!" says Roy, "I climbed through rain and sleet,
I froze three fingers off my hands, and four toes off my feet! I braved the lair of the polar bear, I've tasted the maggot's kiss. Now, you tell me the high is in myself? What kinda shit is this?

My ears, before they froze off," says Roy, "had heard all kindsa crap; But I didn't climb for fourteen years to hear your sophomore rap. And I didn't climb up here to hear that the high is on the natch, So you tell me where the real stuff is, or I'll kill your guru ass!"

"Okay...okay," says Baba Fats, "You're forcin' it outta me... There is a land beyond the sun that's known as Zabolee. A wretched land of stone and sand, where snakes and buzzards scream, And in this devil's garden blooms the mystic Tzutzu tree.

Now, once every ten years it blooms one flower, as white as the Key West sky,
And he who eats of the Tzutzu flower shall know the perfect high. For the rush comes on like a tidal wave...hits like the blazin' sun. And the high? It lasts forever, and the down don't never come.

But, Zabolee Land is ruled by a giant, who stands twelve cubits high, And with eyes of red in his hundred heads, he awaits the passer-by. And you must slay the red-eyed giant, and swim the river of slime, Where the mucous beasts await to feast on those who journey by. And if you slay the giant and beasts, and swim the slimy sea, There's a blood-drinking witch who sharpens her teeth as she guards the Tzutzu tree."

"Well, to hell with your witches and giants," says Roy, "To hell with the beasts of the sea--
Why, as long as the Tzutzu flower still blooms, hope still blooms for me."

And with tears of joy in his sun-blind eyes, he slips the guru a five, And crawls back down the mountainside, pursuing the perfect high.

"Well, that is that," says Baba Fats, sitting back down on his stone, Facing another thousand years of talking to God, alone. "Yes, Lord, it's always the same...old men or bright-eyed youth... It's always easier to sell 'em some shit than it is to tell them the truth."

This is a continuation of my ongoing experience playing Vampire the Masquerade LARP. The first part can be found here: http://mlps.pika777.eu.org/V1F573CA
Kevin texted me that he was running a few minutes late picking me up to go to the LARP. My heart was beating, I haven’t seen Megan in a month, I was craving her. I’ve been in constant contact with her, getting to know her in real life but since she’s married to an abusive alcoholic asshole cop we keep things on the down low and only communicate through email. She won’t see me outside the LARP in fear that her husband would hurt me, in which learning more about him I’d most likely turn up dead somewhere if he ever found out I was nailing his super-hot wife. I told my wife about the entire situation, she didn’t really like hearing about it all because she likes to keep things separate to keep jealousy at bay.
“You’ve got a bit of a crush on her don’t you?” She asked.
“Well you’re in love with your girlfriend, so I’m sure it’s a natural thing,” I told her.
“I know, I don’t mean to sound jealous it’s just that women don’t like sharing their men. Have fun tonight, I’ll be with my girlfriend we might watch a movie since she’s on the rag.”
I texted Kevin and told him not to bother picking me up that I would meet him at the warehouse (if I wasn’t too busy fucking Megan’s brains out). He replied, “don’t forget your teeth!”
I purchased a set of vampire teeth online that were pretty cool. They looked real, but were nothing like Megan’s hand crafted porcelain teeth.
I arrived at the warehouse where the game takes place, I was nervous as fuck. People remembered me and welcomed me back. A chunky pale white girl with a black corset walked by me and was spilling out of her top, areolas partially showing, she noticed me watching her tits jiggle as she walked and smirked. An African American woman had her arm around her oriental girlfriend, they kissed and laughed. The air was perfumed with candles of various scents, guys ogled at ladies of various sizes and shapes. Sex was in the air. In the distance grunts, moans and screams of passion were already underway and the game didn’t even start yet. A guy in a black trench coat was squeezing some large tits on a chubby woman as she giggled about it. Two BBW’s were licking each other’s tongues. The debauchery was real.
I had my character sheet, I was ready to play but I really wanted to see Megan. I walked around and people watched, the wine was flowing freely and the game was going to start soon. They’d have a briefing for sure about what the scenario would be tonight. A skinny flat chested waif with long legs strolled by me, she had long blond hair down to her ass, black eye shadow and black glossy lipstick. She was dressed to fuck, with a low cut black v-neck shirt and no bra you could easily see her nipples poking at the fabric. Her pants were made out of sheer material, completely see through. The only thing stopping anyone from seeing her pussy was the thong that covered it. Damn, 8 out of 10 I’d say.
I looked around for Megan, nervous that she wasn’t going to show even though every email we wrote to each other lead up to this reunion of our souls touching once more. I felt a hand grope my ass and squeeze. I turned around quickly to see her, a woman that seemingly had no flaws; Megan. Her painted dark red lips smiled as I leaned in to kiss them. My arms wrapped around her slim waist and I brought her close to me. Our tongues met in a furious passion, the pent up sexuality between us was unreal as if this was the only reason we showed up – and for me, it kind of was the reason. Sure, I could find some other woman to stick my cock inside but Megan touched my soul.
I pulled my tongue out of her mouth and looked into her cold blue eyes, “hello beautiful,” I murmured.
“Hi handsome, I missed you!” She hugged me, and I told her that I missed her in the most horrible way.
“Careful, it sounds like you’re falling in love,” she chuckled and smacked my ass.
“Maybe,” I admitted.
“We can ask the King to get the priest to marry us, which would be kind of fun. It’s a whole ceremony; I’ve seen people do it before.”
“Wait, vampires have priests?” I said with a disbelieving smile.
“Of course we do silly Brujah!”
We talked to the King and he asked us if we were sure about getting married and we both said yes. He stated that it did require blood from both of us, and I agreed to it still. The ceremony was pretty long and I don’t exactly remember everything that was said verbatim but I’ll convey what happened from what I remember of it.
There was a chalice on a fake alter, and a ‘dark priest’ that was the vampire priest who did the ritual.
“Today we are to join these two souls together in marriage, a union that will surpass our immortality here upon this earth!” The priest filled the wine goblet with sweet cheap dark red wine (sangria?)
A candle was placed upon the alter.
“Flesh to flesh, spirit to spirit, blood to blood I bind you both,” the priest put a needle in the flame of a candle and then proceeded to hold it in front of Megan.
“Do you take *my name* to be your husband, offer up your spirit, offer up your blood,” he handed her the needle and she poked her finger with it. She dripped a few droplets of blood into the chalice.
The priest handed me the chalice, “drink of her spirit, bind with her blood,” I took a sip of the wine.
“Do you take Megan to be your wife, offer up your spirit, offer up your blood,” he walked over to Megan, took the needle and put it into the candle flame for a few seconds and walked back to me. I took the needle and stabbed at my finger, yes it hurt! I let the blood drip into the chalice and Megan drank it. It felt a little uneasy at this point because this really seemed like some kind of magic ritual.
It’s almost like that panic a guy feels when he’s like, “holy fuck I’m actually getting married.”
The priest asked if anyone objected to our union, no one answered.
“When we touch, when we make love, we do not only embrace the body. We touch the spirit as well. The union of flesh is sacred and beautiful, but the union of souls is forever. Even if death separates you, this bond is forever! Nothing is more eternal than a vampire’s love.”
“May no earthly power destroy your union, may your sacrifice bind you spirit to spirit, flesh to flesh! Everyone bears witness to this rite! Your hearts know that you two are wed, Kiss and show us your passion!”
Our lips embraced, her tongue upon mine I was immediately erect. I felt her hand stroking my erection through my pants. I wanted to be inside her badly. I wanted to take her right there in front of everyone.
“Go forth in darkness and in light!” the priest concluded.
“Forever!” chimed the vampires gathered around us.
Megan looked in my eyes, I was wondering if she felt what I felt like maybe we just actually go married for real in some kind of dark ritual.
“Husband, I need your energy inside me, it’s time for the honeymoon!”
She grabbed my hand and led me off to her lair. She lit a candle and smiled at me.
“Don’t be nervous, hubby!” she laughed.
She started unbuttoning my pants as I kissed her lips, I cupped her tits in my hands and started to untie her corset. This time she didn’t have a miniskirt on but a long flowing black dress. I let her corset fall to the ground as her soft perfect milky white breasts were exposed before me. I pulled her dress off with ease, and she didn’t have any panties on. My fingers plunged inside of her already dripping wet warm pussy. She moaned and bit my neck with her sharp fangs. I gripped her petite body and could feel my nails piecing her flesh.
She pushed me back, “hold on,” and she reached in her mouth and took her fangs out. I did the same.
“I want to make love to you,” she whispered. I was speechless. I didn’t know what to say.
“I don’t want to fuck you, I want to make love to you because… I think, no. I know I love you,” she said looking me dead in the eyes. I felt it. I felt it too. Holy shit.
My hands cupped her pale face as our eyes locked together, our souls were indeed touching, merging (hey, that is what it felt like). Her red lipstick was because of our kisses but her lips were still perfectly beautiful, her beautiful raven black bobbed hair glimmered in the candlelight. Her naked body was before me, my erection wasn’t driven by lusting for this woman it was driven by wanting to be one with her completely. For fucks sake, I was in love.
I paused, I wanted to tell her but I didn’t want her to think I was just saying it to say it because of what she expressed.
“I felt you pull at my soul the first time I met you, I want more of you, even in my emails to you I’ve expressed that I wanted you out of this game. I don’t want any harm to come to you because of me, because of your husband, I just want to love you and be in your life.”
A tear streamed down her face.
“I love you Megan.”
Her hand encircled my cock as she got on her knees. She began stroking me and put me inside her warm mouth. She swallowed me whole, deep down. I felt her tongue lick my balls and she worked her way back up my shaft. Her head bobbed up and down as I throbbed inside her mouth. I could feel the precum oozing from me, and she licked at it. I dropped to my knees and kissed her on the lips; I pulled her against me and felt her warm body upon mine. I gently laid her down, and began sucking on her beautiful tits. My tongue worked its way down to her navel, to her inner thigh. I gently pushed two fingers inside her, she gasped. My tongue lapped at her swollen clit as her body shivered in delight.
“Yesss..” she moaned, as I continued. My fingers gently massaged her, working in and out as I licked and sucked on her. It took a good 20 minutes until she was bucking wildly with an orgasm. Her juices flowed all over my hand as she came. She screamed my name loudly and I fingered her faster and faster until she couldn’t take anymore.
“HOLY SHIT STOP!” she giggled.
I stopped and kissed her lips, “you taste so sweet, and honestly how the hell do you take such good care of it? Most women have that fish odor and it doesn’t taste sweet at all. I don’t mean to get personal but I could go down on you for hours on end!”
Megan laughed, “I’ve been told that before and I think it’s just my body chemistry, I don’t douche if that is what you’re asking.”
“Oh, not at all,” I kissed her lips and turned her around so she was facing me doggie style.
“I can’t wait for you to fill me up,” she moaned as she felt my erect cock sliding inside her tight pussy.
“You’re so damn tight!” I began moving in and out of her as her ass started to synch with my thrusts. I felt her pussy tighten around my shaft and her wetness drip from my nuts. Who the hell was this woman that knew how to satisfy me like this? Her perfect white ass pumped up and down as I slammed into her from behind. My thumb massaged her anus as she moaned with pleasure, I wanted to lick that tight little asshole but I didn’t want to pull out of her, it felt too perfect. The harder I thrust into her, the louder she moaned. I felt her hand go between her legs and she fingered her clit.
“Fill me, cum with me,” she panted as I felt my nuts getting tighter and tighter, ready to release my seed inside her gloriously tight pussy.
“I’m going to cum Megan, I’m going to cum inside you my love,” I panted as I felt all of my nerves explode in ecstasy. Load after load sprayed deep inside her, jets of hot white cum exploded over and over as she bucked her ass up and down, milking my cock with her womanhood. I collapsed on top of her, I almost passed out. I seriously have never cum that hard. I moved to the side so I could cuddle with her instead of having my dead weight smothering her from behind. She buried her face in my chest, I felt her fingernails lightly caressing my chest.
“You’re a beautiful man,” she said, “you sure came a lot. It’s oozing out of me, I wish I could keep you all inside me.”
Now, I’ve had sex with women, strangers even. Usually when I guy is done busting his nut he just wants to rest, get up and leave, or have the woman leave. I didn’t want that at all. I wanted to lay there with her; I wanted to take it all in. I didn’t want it to end. I felt cum dripping from my cock, and she noticed it too. She put me inside her mouth, I could feel her tongue rolling around the head as she sucked up all the cum. I was hard again. At my age, this is quite a feat. She smiled and climbed on top of me, sliding my dick inside her cum filled pussy.
She started riding me as I watched her tits bounce up and down. She looked me in the eyes and told me she loved me, and that she never wanted it to end. I felt her pussy clench me as she slammed down and started bucking ferociously. She was cumming, AGAIN. I grabbed her waist and held her in place as I slammed my cock harder and harder inside her as she came. She screamed and collapsed on top of me, her perfect tits softly resting on my chest. I kissed her lips and felt her saliva drip into my mouth as she started moving up and down again. I grabbed one of her tits and started sucking on it. Her tits are so fucking soft and perfect!
“Cum in me, give me your energy, give me more of your seed,” she panted.
I did, I came again. I have never came twice during sex, not even in my sexual prime. Sure, I’ve masturbated and came multiple times, but not with a partner, not inside a pussy. The orgasm wasn’t as intense as the first, but I still dropped my load deep inside her. Her pussy was filled with me, there wasn’t any way there was a part of her vagina that was free of my sperm. I fell asleep with her on top of me. She fell asleep on my chest. We woke to a knock on the door.
“Are you both finished making vampire babies? We have to close it up!”
We both hurriedly got dressed. She didn’t have any underwear, and I was leaking down her leg.
“I hope you don’t get in trouble,” I told her as we both laughed about the seemingly endless stream of cum cascading down her leg.
“He’s on duty and I’ll take a bath when I get home, he won’t be home until 8 A.M.”
I looked at the time on my phone, it was 4:30 A.M. Usually everything is finished up by 4 A.M. Whoops.
“Can we meet outside of the game?” I asked Megan.
“Yes, but if we fuck up…” she reminded me.
“I know, we will just communicate through email. “
We cleaned up the room a bit and left. I kissed her good night, we expressed our love to each other.
“Good night, husband,” she said with a sly smile.
"I'm up for threesomes only with another woman, but your energy, your cum belongs inside of me and no other. Yes your 'other' wife too, but if you want a threesome with another woman I can do that with you too. I'm yours now, and you're mine." I kissed her again.
“Good night, wife,” I told her as I walked to my car.
I never did see Kevin the entire time I was there. I didn’t role play at all that night (except for the wedding).
I contacted Kevin a few days later and he said he showed up, did the orgy and had some drama with a girl who thought that he got her pregnant. I guess this chick Kelly who plays let Kevin cum in her and she isn’t on birth control. According to Kevin, Kelly is married and has two kids already so he’s freaked out that it is his kid. Kelly wants Kevin to pay for an abortion and is seemingly blackmailing him for the money by threatening to tell her husband about him. I told Kevin that Kelly is bluffing because she isn’t going to put her family at risk over fucking some guy at a LARP, so I told him to tell her to fuck off and deal with it. Hopefully the right advice, but Kevin is in panic mode and will most likely front the money for the procedure. My point to Kevin is this: Kevin is single, not attached – who really fucking cares if Kelly tells her husband about them fucking? Kelly spread her legs, she’s fucked other guys at the LARP too – so it could be anyone’s child including her husbands.
I’ve been in contact with Megan via email. We’re going out on a date when her husband is working the night shift. We will be out of his precinct and go to a suburb that is about 30 miles away from where we live. That way we won’t know anyone and can have a lot of fun. My wife does this with her girlfriend because she doesn’t want family members to know about her being bisexual.
I’ll still go to the LARP with Megan, it’s where we met and I want as much of her as possible. The chart that is from 1-10 on how pretty a woman is, Megan is off of that chart – she’s goddess status.
When I got home, I found my wife sleeping nakedly wrapped in her girlfriends embrace.

I guess it all started when my daughter was about ten years old. My wife
and I were divorced for about a year by then. We had a rather amicable
divorce considering some of the horror stories some of the guys I worked
with told. In any case she ended up with custody of Jenny, our
daughter. On this day, her mother dropped Jenny off at my apartment for
my weekend visitation. My ex-wife, Amanda and I chatted for a bit than
she kissed Jenny on the cheek and told her to be good. Jenny just
rolled her eyes and whined about always being good which gave both her
mother and I a little chuckle.

Jenny at ten was a very intelligent, bright, and of course, mischievous
little girl. She was very assertive and even at that age, knew how to
manipulate people, especially her "Daddy". The only time she used
"Daddy" was when she wanted something from me or was in big trouble with
her mom and she needed me to be on her side. The rest of the time, she
just called me Dad. I guess it’s fare to say that she had me wrapped
around her little finger. I knew it, but I felt guilty that I wasn't
there for her all the time since the divorce so I guess I over
compensated for my absence.

One thing that she always liked to do was to sit on my lap while we
watched TV together. We always watched football together but we also
liked watching the movies on cable as well. Of course, she always
wanted to use her "Daddy" as a recliner. Sometimes it got uncomfortable
for me, especially as she got older, but she would look at me with those
puppy dog eyes and the pout and say,

"Oh please Daddy?"

Of course I always gave in. This time was no different.

We finished eating dinner and began settling in for the evening. She
had just finished her shower and came bounding into the living room in
her favorite sleeping outfit; a San Francisco 49’s football jersey that
came just below her cute upturned butt, little white cotton panties, and
socks, folded down to her ankles. The football jersey was one of those
cut-off ones so the length fit her fine (just below the tops of her
thighs), but the sleeves came all the way down to her wrists. She
looked absolutely gorgeous with her light brown hair with striking, sun
bleached, blonde streaks, now plastered down wetly over her shoulder and
framing the pixie little features of her face. Thick, dark, expressive,
eye brows curved over her big, sparkling, hazel eyes that had the look
of innocence and mischievous intent all at the same time. Her smooth
long legs, that seemed to get longer every time I saw her, reached out
from under the hem of her outfit. She’d always had an air of
nonchalance to her. An unawareness of her beauty that made her even
more beautiful. Right then, I could easily imagine Amanda at her age
looking just like her.

There was some movie on cable that she had wanted to watch so we made
some popcorn together and sunk into the couch for the movie. Before
long she climbed into my lap with the popcorn on hers and wiggled down
on to me. She turned her head, looking up at me with an impish smile.

"You comfy?" I said.

Her grin widened, giggled, then turned back to the movie, hand to mouth
with more popcorn.

During the movie (I still can’t remember a thing about it) she kept
wiggling around in my lap eating her popcorn. She’d occasionally turn
with a hand full of popcorn in her hand, and feed it to me. Sometimes
she’d drop some of it, which would fall between us. She’d giggle
teasingly and say,

"Daddy, your such a messy eater", then fish her little hand between us
groping to retrieve the fallen popped kernels.

I could feel her searching fingers wiggling around between my legs and
behind her butt, the back of her hand pressing against my balls. My
cock immediately sprang to life, growing hard and long, like a viper
awaken from its lair. I was shocked at the suddenness of my erection,
not to mention that it was my ten year old baby girl that was the cause.
I froze, not knowing what to do. I shifted to one side, turning my hips
slightly, hoping to encourage Jenny to change her position to one lap or
the other so that she couldn’t feel my now rock hard shaft thumping
between her panty clad ass cheeks. Jenny on the other hand had made her
mind up that she liked it just where she was and turned to frown at me
and gave a disapproving whine, wiggling her ass harder down on my crotch
for emphasis. My heart was beating like a racehorse.

"My god, she must of felt my hard throbbing cock just then, what the
hell am I going to say to her." I thought.

My mind was in a panic, trying furiously to think up something, anything
to say. All the while admonishing myself for being sexually aroused by
my own daughter, trying fruitlessly to will my cock to go soft. Nothing
coming to mind, and fighting a loosing battle with my renegade member, I
waited for the inevitable.

I didn’t know what Jenny was thinking or how she might react. Did she
know anything about sex? Has her mother spoken to her about the "birds
and the bees"? Would she scream, glare at me accusingly and hate me
forever? All of it was racing through my mind in an instant and for
what seemed an eternity.

Just then, Jenny turned her head, squirming as she did, and smiled that
familiar mischievous smile. I glanced down at her beautiful laughing
eyes and nervously smiled back at her. Did she notice anything? Had
she turned and smiled at me knowingly or was it just a smile of victory
in the battle for seating position? I didn’t know and my cock didn’t
care. All "it" felt was the warmth of Jenny’s soft, supple ass cheeks
encased around it. A shift of her body causing renewed enthusiasm as
her ass wiggled and glided over its length. I could feel the old-cum
gurgling up through my shaft and oozing out from the tip.

I then noticed something that had escaped my panic stricken mind. I had left my copy of the Book of Mormon on the outside patio. The Book of Mormon is the word of God, like the Bible. It is Holy Scripture, with form and content similar to that of the Bible. Both books contain God's guidance as revealed to prophets as well as religious histories of different civilizations. While the Bible is written by and about the people in the land of Israel and surrounding areas, and takes place from the creation of the world until shortly after the death of Jesus Christ, the Book of Mormon contains the history and God’s dealings with the people who lived in the Americas between approximately 600 BC and 400 AD. The prophets in the Book of Mormon recorded God's dealings with His people, which were compiled by a prophet named Mormon onto gold plates.

Before these faithful Christians perished, their record was safely hidden away. Joseph Smith obtained these ancient records in 1827, and with the gift and power of God Joseph was able to translate the ancient writings into what we have today. The Book of Mormon, along with the Bible, testifies that Jesus Christ is our divine Redeemer and that by living according to His gospel we can find peace in this life and eternal happiness in the life to come.